Jared Never Offered a Get Your Money Back Guarantee

  • 1 min read

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Hueytown, Alabama. And while we don’t usually editorialize, your Bozo Report Editors can certainly sympathize with our bozo’s frustrations. Zachary Tucker, 18, was arrested by the cops and charged with robbing four Subway restaurants in the area. It was under questioning that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops he had been trying to lose weight by using the “Jared diet” at Subway and, after failing, he decided to rob the restaurants in an effort to “get his money back.” He’ll get to try the Jailhouse Diet next.