Bozo criminal for today comes from Miramar Beach, Florida, where the cops were called to the Ann Taylor store on a report of a shoplifting incident. Cops were led to the dressing room where our bozo had left the tags for 18 items behind. But that wasn’t all she left. Her cell phone was there. And, unexpectedly, she also left behind some pee. Yep, she peed on the floor. Well, there’s your DNA right there. Cops used the phone to get in touch with her husband who ratted her out and gave them a description of the car she was driving. In the meantime, another call came in, this time from Saks Off Fifth, where she tried to steal six pair of men’s jeans by hiding them under her coat. A deputy grabbed her and found the other stolen items in her car. Busted! No word on the fate of the pee.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Wright, Kentucky, where the cops set up a prostitution sting at the local Days Inn. It didn’t take long before they recognized our bozo, who had been busted for plying her trade previously. This story wouldn’t merit mentioning except for one thing. Her John didn’t give her cash. He gave her a $100 Speedway gas card. Well, times are tough all over, even for working ladies. Busted! Charged with prostution.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in London, England. Our crook had his robbery of the Halifax bank all planned out. He would walk in, gun in one hand and a bag for the cash in the other. He would flash the gun, demand cash, and make a clean getaway. Sounds good, right? Let’s see what went wrong. He walked in as planned. Demanded cash as planned. Handed the gun to the teller. Huh? Yep, he got confused and instead of handing the bag to the teller, he passed over the gun. The teller grabbed the weapon, sounded the alarm and sent down the security shutters. There was nothing left for our bozo to do but run out and pedal away on a bank worker’s bike, which was just outside the door. An arrest is pending.
Bozo Criminal for today from the International File in Zagreb, Croatia proves once again that bozos and modern technology don’t mix. The cops pulled over our two bozos for driving erratically and, upon further investigation, discovered 100 grams of marijuana in their car. They were taken to the station for further questioning and that’s when they received a text from one of their bozo friends. And what was in that text? It was simple and straight to the point, “Water my weed, please.” Busted! Cops discovered a small backyard plantation at his house.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio, where, according to the cops, Precious Harper was shopping at her local Walmart when she encountered our bozo, Maneka Wilson in the potato chip aisle. Apparently these ladies have some sort of history, having been neighbors in the past. Things heated up quickly, leading to our bozo grabbing a 10 pound log of beef from Precious’s cart and clubbing her with it. Cooler heads prevailed and the two were separated before further damage could be done with the burger roll. Our bozo was taken into custody and charged with disorderly conduct. No word on what happened to the hamburger.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where TSA agents noticed something rather strange at a baggage checkpoint. A raw chicken. OK…so you’re taking a raw chicken with you on this flight? Mind if we frisk the chicken? Further inspection found that the chicken was stuffed…with a gun. Yep this bozo stuck a gun inside a chicken and tried to get through airport security. Bad idea. He’s busted! No word on the fate of the chicken.
Our bozo for today from Raleigh, North Carolina, comes from the Good Eats file. It seems our unidentified female bozo had ordered some to-go pulled pork from Clyde Cooper’s Barbeque. After she opened her food she became so upset that she felt the need to call 911. Perhaps a bug in her food? Nope? Maybe evidence of rodent infestation? Nah. Perhaps a piece of metal or something else that wasn’t supposed to be there? No way. She called to complain that some pieces of her pork were pink instead of brown. OK. After discussing the matter with the owners, an officer explained to her that the pink meat was “smoke rings” indicating that the barbeque had been cooked just like it was supposed to be cooked, over a smoky fire. Never mind. Bon appetit.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Gastonia, North Carolina, where the cops were called to a report of shots fired. Upon arrival, they found a 64-year-old woman in her backyard, firing at full cans of Diet Mountain Dew. Target practice? Nope, she told the cops she didn’t approve of her father drinking the Dew and this was her way of disposing of them. Maybe pour them down the sink next time. She was cited for discharging a firearm within the city limits.