Guess He Can Forget That Side Hustle As a Mime

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in South Plympton, Australia. The cops were called to a report of a prowler at a building site. When they arrived, they cordoned off the area and brought in a K-9 patrol. After initially finding nothing, the cops noticed something strange. A statue that seemed to be out of place. Further investigation found that the statue seemed to be breathing. Yep, our bozo had hidden in plain sight by pretending to be a statue. He’s busted! Charged with criminal trespass.

Maybe He Was Looking For Some New Clothes

Bozo criminal for today comes from Goose Creek, South Carolina, where the local neighborhood group had been fielding complaints about a “porch pirate”, a guy stealing packages from residences. They even had a video of him in action which they posted up on their Facebook page. Goose Creek police also follow that page and noted that he was wearing a distinctive green t-shirt. Then, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he turned up the next day at a courtroom, wearing the same green shirt. Oops. After a quick confirmation that it was indeed the guy in the video, he was busted!

Hey, the Pole Was Just Laying on the Ground!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Lakeland, Florida. It seems our bozo was cruising around in his 1997 Toyota sedan when he came upon a downed utility pole on I-4. So, did he call the highway department to report it? Nope. Maybe move it out of the way? Well, sort of. Load it onto the roof of his Toyota and head to the nearest recycling center? Yep. He was turned away because he didn’t have the proper documentation for the pole. Someone called the cops and he was stopped nearby, with the pole still strapped onto the car. He’s been charged with grand theft and dealing in stolen property.

Three Strikes For the “300” Driver!

Our bozo for today from Detroit, Michigan, went cruising in his Chrysler 300. Not sure if this particular model has a Hemi but he was clocked by the cops weaving in and out of traffic at a speed in excess of 100 MPH. Strike one. When he could not produce a driver’s license he was charged with driving without a license. Strike two. And, what’s that on the floorboard? A Glock 43X? And can you produce a Concealed Pistol License? You can’t? Strike three and busted! Charged with carrying a concealed weapon. He’s cooling his heels in the Detroit Detention Center.

His Next Stop Was To Pick Up a Coffee Table

Bozo criminal for today from Happy Valley, Oregon, violated Bozo Rule Number 22-223321: It’s best to keep your getaway vehicle as inconspicuous as possible. Cops received a call of an armed robbery at the local Ace Hardware store. The suspect had pulled a gun on a store employee and then had fled in a Mazda. Oh, and one more thing, that Mazda had a sofa strapped to the roof. And did we mention it was also raining at the time? Since there aren’t many couch carrying Mazdas on the road during a thunderstorm, the cops caught up with our bozo rather quickly. After a brief chase, he was apprehended and placed under arrest. And that couch? It escaped without a scratch.