Maybe If He’d Applied As Dick Cheney…

Bozo criminal for today from Chattanooga, Tennessee, wanted to get a permit for carrying a handgun. He followed proper procedure, filling out the Tennessee Department of Safety form and enclosing it along with a check for $50. So far, so good, right? Well, no. It seems he filled out the form using the name “President Barack H Obama” and he even included US State Department letterhead. Did we mention he is a white man? And did we also mention he also has an active warrant for his arrest in Michigan. Needless to say “the president” didn’t get the permit. He’s been charged with perjury, forgery and theft of identity.

He Just Said It Wasn’t Stolen…He Didn’t Say It Wasn’t Fake

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Adelaide, Australia. Cops spotted our bozo driving without lights on around 2 am. Further inspection of the vehicle found that he had painted over the license plate and had hand painted new numbers on the plate. He also added a helpful phrase at the bottom of the license tag. It read, “Not Stolen OK”. Well, we’re glad to know that. He’s busted! Charged with driving without a license, driving at night without lights and driving with a defaced license plate.

He Probably Put the Handcuffs On Himself, Too

Bozo criminal for today obviously had a mama who taught him to be respectful and do what he was told. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the best thing to do when you’re trying to pull off a bank robbery. Bozo Edward Franks walked into a bank in Chicago and waited in line to see a teller. When he reached the window, he handed the teller a note that said, “no dye packs” and “armed”. The calm teller triggered a silent alarm and asked our bozo if he was looking to make a deposit or withdrawal. When he said withdrawal, she handed him a blue withdrawal slip, which he filled out requesting $10,000, with his signature at the bottom. The teller said, fine, but you’ll need to provide identification, and he handed over a state identification card issued three days earlier by the Illinois Secretary of State’s office. Thanks. Now if you’ll just wait a moment…He was still waiting when the cops arrived. He’s under arrest.

More Like “Never To Be Girlfriend”

Bozo criminal for today comes from Johnstown, Pennsylvania, where the cops received a call about a suspicious vehicle. The caller said there was a marked police car sitting if front of his house shining a spotlight into his home. He also said the driver of the vehicle, dressed in camouflage, had knocked on his door, asking for a woman. When the cops arrived, they found our bozo sitting inside the cruiser. He told the cops that he hadn’t really stolen the car, he had only “borrowed” it and was using it to find his “soon to be girlfriend.” Sorry, looks like he’ll have to keep looking. He’s been charged with theft and impersonating a public servant.

Well, Look Who Just Dropped In!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Stafford, Virginia. Our bozo was a wannabe Peeping Tom, so he staked out the women’s locker room at the local gym. Nope, he didn’t try the old trick of drilling a peep hole in the wall. Instead, he climbed up into the ceiling and, before he could get settled in, the rafters gave way and he landed right in the middle of the locker room floor. Needless to say, the ladies were not pleased and extracted bit of revenge on our bozo while waiting for the cops to arrive. Busted!

They Must Have Re-Formulated Ex-Lax…

Bozo criminal for today comes from Okaloosa County, Florida, where a deputy noticed our bozo’s car had an expired registration so he pulled him over. The cop’s K-9 partner alerted on the vehicle and a quick check inside found what appeared to be heroin under the seat, more heroin on the passenger floorboard, oxycodone, a plastic bag with methamphetamine residue, a scale and assorted drug paraphernalia consistent with use and distribution. Undeterred, the driver offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cop the heroin was a “chocolate laxative” and all the pills were fake. Right. Tell it to the judge. Busted! Charged with trafficking heroin, possession of oxycodone, possession of drug paraphernalia and a traffic violation.