Maybe He Should Have Tried Carvana

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in this one from Lake City, Florida. It seems bozo Timothy Warren successfully stole a car from the local Chrysler Dodge dealership. Guess it wasn’t exactly what he wanted as he returned to the same dealership a few days later, trying to trade it in on a new one. Not so fast, Einstein. A quick check of the VIN showed it to be stolen and a further check of the security footage ID’ed our bozo as the thief. Realizing the jig was up, he confessed and was charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle and criminal mischief.

And Why Didn’t She Just Close the Sunroof?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pasco, Washington, where officers were called to a report of a disturbance in a parking lot. They found our bozo on top of a car, and reaching through the sunroof to try to hit the woman inside. Our bozo also yanked off the other woman’s wig prompting the victim to pull a gun and fire a warning shot. At this point officers were able to get the two women separated, instructing our bozo to wait in front of the patrol car. Instead of waiting quietly she hopped on the hood of the car and began twerking. That was enough. She’s under arrest on suspicion of assault

Hey, He’s Still Learning!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Kent, England. Cops in an unmarked car noticed our bozo driving erratically and when they got closer, he made an obscene hand gesture in their direction. Bad idea. They pulled him over and discovered he only had a learner’s permit license. The car was confiscated on the spot and our bozo faced a long walk home!

Maybe He Wanted To Compliment the President On the Fine Customer Service

Bozo criminal for today comes from Gilmer, Texas where our unidentified bozo walked into the First National Bank and made himself at home in one of the comfy chairs in the lobby. After a few minutes, he got up, hands in pockets, and announced to a teller that he was robbing the bank. The clerk complied and handed over $16,559 in cash. Mission accomplished, right? Well, not quite. He had one more stop to make. The corner office belonging to the bank president. He was still involved in a conversation with the president when the cops arrived. He was placed under arrest without incident.

Hey, That’s No Speedbump!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where the cops were chasing bozo Kijon Green when he ran into a crematory parking lot and stole a mortuary van. He hadn’t gone far when a body on a gurney rolled out of the back of the van. Yikes. Officers had to stop and safely secure the body before resuming the chase. The getaway vehicle eventually blew a tire and struck several other cars before coming to a stop. Our bozo ran into a nearby wooded area where the cops lost him. When he’s captured, he faces several felony charges.