All Lubed Up

Bozo criminals for today come from Bexar County, Texas where sheriff’s deputies were called to a report of an attempted robbery. Our bozo ditched his getaway vehicle and attempted to carjack another one, but the driver put up a fight and our bozo had to move to Plan B. He ran into the Evergreen Lube Shop and stole a car that was in the middle of an oil change. The tech had just begun to drain the oil when he saw the car pulling away from the oil pit. Needless to say it’s not hard to track a car leaving a trail of oil. And a car without any oil isn’t going far. He’s under arrest, charged with attempt to commit aggravated assault, attempt to commit aggravated robbery, attempting to take a weapon from an officer and evading arrest in a vehicle.

You Mean This Isn’t an Uber?

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Portage la Prairie, Manitoba, Canada. Cops responded to a report of an intoxicated man causing a disturbance. A marked cruiser pulled up, followed by an unmarked vehicle. Our bozo spotted the cruiser and began to flee before noticing the unmarked car. Then, he did what any bozo would do. He jumped into the vehicle, mistaking it for a cab, and said, “Take me to 17th Street, bro!” He did get a ride, straight to jail.

Order In the Court!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Universal City, Texas. Bozo Anthony Garcia was released after being arrested on minor charges. Instead of being glad he wasn’t spending the night in jail, he told one of the officers, “This isn’t over.” He wasn’t kidding. He apparently returned to city hall, hid in the restroom and after the place shut down for the weekend, he crawled through the ceiling and made his way into the courtroom. The next step, break into the system’s computer, which wasn’t hard since the password was written on a piece of paper underneath the keyboard. We’re not exactly sure if he accomplished anything once he got into the system but we do know security cameras caught him walking out of the building on Sunday morning. Oops. Armed with a good photo, the cops headed to his house where he attempted to run from them before being arrested. He was right about things not being over. He’s gone from “minor charges” to felony counts of burglary of a building with intent to commit theft, and computer break of a security system.

Undercover Puss

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sri Lanka. Authorities at the high security Weilkada Prison had reason to believe they had a smuggler on their hands. Baggies of heroin and cell phone sim cards and been surreptitiously brought into the facility. After an investigation, the smuggler was captured and taken into custody. It was hoped that he could perhaps lead them to whomever was sending the contraband into the prison, so he was placed in a holding cell. When an officer brought our criminal his lunch, he made a daring escape, running past the guard and jumping over a fence in the prison yard. He was one fleet footed canine. Yep, our smuggler was a cat that the real crooks had used by attaching contraband to his collar. As of this writing, he is still at large.