I Told You We Should Have Stolen A Chevy Instead!!

Our Bozos for today from the International File in Canberra, Australia, gives us another example of Bozos foiled by modern technology. Our bozos had their eyes on a Tesla Model 3 and they decided to take it for a drive. The owner immediately received a message on her phone that her car’s alarm was going off. The owner then began tracking the car while calling the cops. She then decided to annoy our bozos by using the app to place a speed limit on the car and also rolling down the windows and honking the horn. Deciding that this wasn’t as much fun as they expected, our bozos ditched the car, but in their haste they left behind one very important item. The thief’s drivers license. Oops. The cops where quickly able to track them down and make an arrest.

Rookie, Taste That Creamy White Substance and Tell Me What It Is!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in today’s report from Topeka, Kansas. At around 3:30 AM, cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a convenience store. Upon arrival, they found a naked teen, covered from head to toe in a creamy white substance. He had damaged some items inside the store before heading outside and jumping into a running vehicle, which he promptly crashed into a pillar. Further investigation determined he was covered in ranch dressing and under the influence of an unknown substance. He was taken into custody before being rinsed off and released to his parents.

Man With the Golden Bum

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kannur, India. A flight had just landed from Dubai and customs officials noticed an man walking awkwardly and apparently in a bit of discomfort. They did a quick search and found nothing in his pockets on on his person. So, the next check was to see if there was something IN his person. And that’s when they struck gold, literally. They found that he had two pounds of gold bars into his rectum. Yikes. He’s busted and charged with smuggling.

At Least Check the Name On the Mailbox First

Bozo criminals for today from Covina, California, came up with a simple plan to make some quick cash. They would go door to door claiming to be members of the local high school football team and asking for donations. Good idea until…they rang the doorbell of the high school football coach. He asked them to name the football coach and of course they couldn’t. Busted!

For a Little Variety, They Could Have Thrown In the Barney Song

Bozo criminals for today come from the Internal Affairs Department in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. According to court documents, two former detention officers have been charged with with cruelty to a prisoner. So what exactly did they do? Physically abuse him? Nope. Withhold food or water? Nah. Make him listen to the children’s song “Baby Shark” over and over and over? Yep. Now that is cruel and unusual punishment. The investigation continues.