Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 75648: When you’re robbing a place, "Take off your mask" comes after "Make your getaway." From Moline, Illinois, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who held up a convenience store. After flashing a gun at the clerk and grabbing some cash, our bozo then headed for the door, removing her mask as she walked. Her timing was a little off, however, as she took off the mask just as she walked past the store’s surveillance camera. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where bozo Mitchell Wilson showed up at the state trooper station early Sunday morning. The officers inside were just a little surprised when he walked up to the front desk and asked if they had any rooms available. Yep, he thought he had walked into a hotel. They booked him a room, just not the type he was looking for. He’s been charged with DUI.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Casper, Wyoming, where bozo Robert Thompson stole a car that was left sitting in front of a liquor store, with the keys in the ignition. Even though this sounds like an easy enough heist, apparently just being a bozo is hard, tiring work. Evidence of this fact is that the police found him sound asleep in the stolen car less than six miles from the crime. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Duchesne, Utah, where bozo Frank Rodriguez showed up at the courthouse with his girlfriend, hoping to get married. One slight flaw in his plan, however. Our bozo was described by Utah authorities as the county’s Public Enemy Number One, with several charges against him, including being a fugitive on aggravated robbery charges. The wedding never came off. He was recognized and placed under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bennington, Vermont, where our bozo almost made it too easy for the police officer. When the officer pulled up beside our bozo at an intersection, he noticed something strange…there was a drinking glass sitting on the car’s trunk. "Now where did I leave my beer?" The officer pulled him over and immediately smelled alcohol. He’s been charged with DUI.
At least our bozo for today’s heart was in the right place. From Rahway, New Jersey, comes the story of bozo Craig Fleming who burglarized a house, getting away with three laptops and an Xbox game console. He soon thought better of his crime and returned to the victim’s house to apologize. The homeowner wasn’t in a forgiving mood and turned him over to the cops.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Vero Beach, Florida, where bozo Jason Nations walked into a convenience store, picked up a can of beer and brought it to the front counter. He then flashed a gun and demanded the clerk empty the register. He grabbed the cash and pedaled away on his bicycle. Guess he didn’t want to drink and drive as he left the beer behind, and that turned out to be a mistake. His fingerprints were lifted off the can and matched up to his prints that were on file from a previous domestic violence charge. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where two unidentified teenagers broke into a home and were rummaging around when they realized the homeowner was still inside. They made a hasty exit, with one of our bozo teens leaving a valuable piece of evidence behind…his school backpack. With several pieces of his homework in it. He’s busted.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Orebro, Sweden. Two bozos called a cab and asked the cabbie if he could also take along their bicycle. As he was attaching the bicycle to the rear of the cab, he noticed it looked awfully familiar. Upon further inspection, he realized it was his bicycle. Yep, our bozos had stolen the cabbie’s bike while he was at work and then by chance had called the very same cabbie to ask for a ride. He put them in, locked the back doors and drove them to the police station. They’re under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Edwardsville, Illinois, where bozo Carl Carpenter pulled aside another car and asked for directions. When the other driver rolled down her window to talk to him, he flashed a gun and demanded money. The woman sped away, with our bozo following behind. She called 911 and the operator told her to drive to a nearby police station, which she did. With our bozo on her tail, staying with her until she reached the station. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart, Indiana. Bozo John Warren was spotted in a cemetery by an off-duty police officer who was jogging by. He watched as our bozo, totally naked, got back into his truck and drove away. He took down our bozo’s license number and when he paid him a little visit to ask why he was naked in a cemetery, he gave the officer our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told him he had stopped to check on his in-law’s grave, but he had been golfing all day long and his underwear was wet, so he undressed in his truck. And, as to why he got out of the truck naked, he said it was because he wanted to look at the flowers and didn’t have his glasses. He’s been charged with indecent exposure.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Haig for sending in today’s report from the International File in Manchester, England. Our bozo for today violated Bozo Rule Number 22119: Before pulling a crime, do your homework. Bozo Kate Davis was returning to England on a flight from Jamaica and as she tried to pass a set of golf clubs through customs an agent noticed something strange about them on x-ray. Then, making conversation with her, he asked her what her handicap was. She stared back at him blankly and asked him to repeat the question. When he did, she responded that she didn’t have any disability. Oops. The clubs were drilled open and found to be filled with cocaine. She’s busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Pueblo, Colorado, comes the story of bozo Manuel Garcia who was speeding down a steep hill when he ran a red light, narrowly missing an oncoming Lexus. He then swerved and ran smack into the side of a police patrol car, miraculously receiving only minor injuries. He was charged with DUI. Now, just what makes this story Bozo-worthy? The fact that he was riding a skateboard at the time.
Bozo criminals for today come from Syracuse, New York, where bozos Christopher Box and Damian Bowman used a rock and hammer to break three windows at a sandwich shop around two o’clock the other morning. Their plan went awry when the breaking glass set off the burglar alarm and they fled without getting anything. The cops arrived a few minutes later and, after checking the surveillance videos, began to take a look around the area. They immediately noticed our two bozos sitting on the front porch of a house just behind the sandwich shop. Thinking they looked a lot like the crooks on the video, they asked them if they had heard any glass breaking within the last 20 minutes or so. This question so shook up one nervous bozo that he immediately confessed and indentified his friend as his accomplice. They’re busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in this one from Lakeland, Florida, where bozo Jared Cook walked into a convenience store and asked to buy some tobacco products. The clerk asked for an ID, to confirm his age, which our bozo handed to him. It was after the clerk returned the ID that our bozo announced that it was a holdup and demanded cash. He got a small amount of money and, as he was heading out the door, dropped a small baggie of marijuana. Police quickly rounded up our bozo, using the info from his ID and his image from the surveillance video.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in today’s report from the International File in Morelia, Mexico. A group of bozo crooks broke into a cell phone store and made away with several phones. One problem, they only stole the hollow display phones that are completely useless for making calls, leaving behind the real cell phones and cash in another part or the shop.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Concord, California, where bozo Terrol Casey had successfully robbed a number of banks by concealing his face with a ski mask and threatening the teller with a gun. Cops had little to go on, except for the unusual tattoo, which appeared to be a dark blotch, on his wrist. A former girlfriend recognized the blotch and came forward to identify him. She may have had an ulterior motive, though. That blotch on his wrist used to be her name…he had it tattooed over at the request of his new girlfriend. You know what they say about a woman scorned. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida, where bozo Thomas Taylor was to appear in court for a pretrial hearing on charges of selling cocaine. As he was passing through the courthouse metal detector, he spotted an expensive watch that the man behind him had placed into basket of the machine. He snatched it and went on to his court appearance. When the man complained that his watch was missing, the security tape was played back and our bozo was identified. He was arrested in the courtroom and charged with grand theft.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Chesapeake, Virginia, comes the story of bozo Nathaniel Ferguson who pulled off a heist at a local Sears store, stealing nine iPods and two containers containing donations for needy military families. For reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he recorded the whole thing on his cell phone. He then sent that video to an ex-girlfriend, offering to give her one of the iPods as a gift. Instead of calling him back, she called the cops. He’s under arrest.
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Linz, Austria. An unidentified bozo was trying to break into a nursery when his foot got caught in a crack as he was entering through a window. There he was, stuck, half in and half out of the building. Not seeing any other way out of his predicament, he maneuvered around so that he could reach his cell phone and called…the cops! They were glad to come by and free him before arresting him.