But My Views on Tik Tok Went Through the Roof

Our bozo for today comes from the International File in Manotick, Ontario, Canada, where our bozo took advantage of the cold conditions to take her car for a spin on a frozen river. Several videos show her speeding on the frozen surface, sending plumes of snow and ice into the air. All good things must come to an end and so it was for our bozo. She finally hit a spot of thin ice and the car began to slowly sink into the cold water of the river. Now, most people would frantically try to get out of the car and onto dry land. But not our bozo. Instead she climbed onto the back of the car and took several selfies of herself as the vehicle slowly sank. She was eventually pulled to dry land by bystanders who threw her a flotation device. Not a happy outcome for her car, however. And her fun was diminished somewhat when the cops charged her with dangerous operation of a motor vehicle, a charge which could carry a license suspension if convicted.

He Should Have At Least Asked What They’d Offer On a Trade-in

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mount Pleasant, Michigan, where our unidentified bozo brandished a gun at the Right Way Auto dealership. He obtained the keys to a vehicle on the lot and fled the scene. Pretty smooth crime, right? Wrong. You see, our bozo drove his own car to the dealership and left it there when he fled in his new ride. Cops used license and registration information, along with a description from Right Way employees, to track down and arrest our bozo. And that weapon he used? It was a BB gun. He remains in custody in the Isabella County Jail.

Next Time Use the Notes App On Your Phone

Bozo criminal for today comes from Nashville, Tennessee, where bozo Robert Green broke into a residence, taking a TV, a gun and a Les Paul custom guitar. That’s what he got away with. It’s what he left behind that got him in trouble. Apparently he had a notebook that contained a list of other places he planned to target. And did we mention that he had borrowed that notebook from his daughter, who had written her address inside? Oops. He’s busted! Charged with felony burglary and theft charges.

Step Away From the Vehicle and Put Down the Glitter

Bozo criminals for today come from Clearwater, Florida, where 29-year old bozo Sarah Fleming and 27-year-old bozo Kaitlin O’Shea apparently had some kind of beef with a man who lived nearby. Police said just before 3 a.m. the two showed up at the man’s apartment and an argument ensued. And then things got weird. According to the victim, one of the women threw a container of glitter at him, hitting him in the head and upper body. Then one of our bozos jumped the patio fence and entered the apartment. She then unleashed another salvo of glitter, again hitting our sparkly victim. She went to the front door and let her accomplice inside. The two women then teamed up to unleash another barrage of glitter in the man’s direction before leaving the apartment complex and fleeing in their vehicle. Cops were called and were able to track the car to a nearby apartment complex where they found glitter inside the vehicle. They then spotted bozo Sarah walking around, with a significant amount of glitter on her person. She was placed under arrest along with her accomplice, charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, for allegedly kicking out the apartment window.

And He Didn’t Even Get To Try Out the New Game

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Birmingham, England, where bozo Clint Barker was on the run from the cops after making a daring escape from prison. His trail had gone cold when cops in Birmingham city center noticed a couple of guys immediately change direction when they saw the police. The cops gave chase and when they caught up with the two, they asked what they were doing out when there were Covid-19 restrictions. That’s when our bozo replied that he just had to get out and pick up the new Call of Duty game. He then kicked the cop in the groin and attempted to flee but was quickly apprehended. Busted and identified as an escaped con. He’s been jailed for 13 months for absconding from prison, and six months consecutively for assaulting the officers – on top of his original sentence, which would have seen him behind bars until 2024.

A Real Hot Shot

Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenwood, South Carolina, where the cops were called to a report of shots fired at an assisted living center. Upon arrival, they found no one injured but there was a fire inside one of the residential units. The resident was found inside, passed out due to smoke inhalation. He was taken to a hospital, treated and released. Now to put together exactly what happened. Apparently our bozo had some ammunition which he decided to store inside his toaster oven. It would seem that the oven was turned on, the ammunition went off and caused the fire. No charges were filed and the resident was told to find a more secure place to store his ammo.

But You Don’t Understand, I Have a Special Relationship With That Rabbit

Bozo criminal for today comes from Corbin, Kentucky, where the cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Upon arrival, bozo Crystal Harper told the cops that her cousin had come over to her house, an argument ensued and she stabbed him with a kitchen knife. And the reason for his visit to her house? It seems she had borrowed a sex toy from him and he wanted it back. Yeah, doesn’t everyone want a slightly used sex toy? She’s been charged with felony assault, as well as menacing, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest. No word on who was awarded custody of the sex toy.

Holiday Leftovers

With the holidays behind us, we now have a couple of bozos who found themselves all dressed up with no place to go. From Alabama comes bozo number one, a six foot three man in an elf suit who was arrested on Christmas Eve and charged with assault. Not sure if he was the Elf from A Christmas Story, but it’s definitely a possibility. And on Christmas Day, bozo number two, a man in a Santa Claus suit who was busted for drunk driving. HO HO HO indeed.