Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Greater Manchester, England. The cops were in pursuit of our bozo who had reportedly stolen a vehicle and then was seen leaving a gas station without paying. He was tracked to a residence but once inside there seemed to be no one home. Only a huge teddy bear over in the corner. But wait, is that bear…breathing? Yep. Somehow our 18-year-old bozo had managed to open the back of the bear and squeeze himself inside. He held his breath as long as he could bear it and then the jig was up. He faces charges of theft of a motor vehicle, driving while disqualified and theft of petrol.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0110637: If you’re a wanted man, it’s never a good idea to call the cops. Bozo Antoine Smith walked into the McDonalds in Kennesaw, Georgia and he and his fiance ordered themselves a meal. After the order took longer than he expected, our bozo started to get agitated. He got more worked up when he finally got his meal and, wouldn’t you know it, the fries were cold. When he couldn’t get a new order of fries, he did what any bozo with an outstanding felony murder warrant would do…he called the cops to complain. McDonalds management called the cops also, hoping to get him kicked out. The police arrived and quickly discovered he was a wanted man. After a brief chase he was arrested. Charged with the outstanding warrant, as well as obstruction or hindering law enforcement and criminal trespass. He also had a possession of a controlled substance with the intent to distribute tacked on as police found 31 grams of marijuana in his fiancée’s vehicle. Oh, and those fries in jail probably won’t be hot either.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randall Shimoda for sending in today’s report from New Iberia, Louisiana. It seems our bozo drug dealer Dana Brock had delivered two pounds of marijuana to Akeem Wilson. Something went wrong and Mr. Wilson pulled a gun on Ms. Brock. So, if you are a bozo in this situation, what would you do? Call the cops, of course. The cops arrived and found two firearms and the pot in the apartment. However, further investigation revealed that our bozo had actually delivered the weed. You’re both busted! Charged with possession with intent to distribute and a felon in possession of a firearm.
We searched far and wide and couldn’t find any criminal activity in today’s story, other than the fact that our bozo was criminally stupid, so here goes anyway. Our bozo for today comes from Fishtrap Creek campground in Montana. A bit of background first. Apparently at some remote campgrounds in Montana where standard sewers are not available, they use something called a vault toilet. Vault toilets have a tank for holding waste that is usually about five feet deep, so you can imagine they can be pretty nasty. Ok, back to our story. A photo has been circulating recently on Reddit showing our naked bozo literally up to his elbows in a hole in the ground inside a concrete outhouse. Apparently he had dropped his phone into the toilet and he desperately wanted it back. Bad enough that he removed the porcelain throne, stripped naked and climbed in to retrieve it. And did we mention he locked the door behind him? Good idea…unless you get stuck, which he did. He was in deep doo-doo for three hours until someone else finally came along and discovered his plight. Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks employees were called, the door was broken down and our bozo was eventually extracted. And that phone? Still missing.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Tarpon Springs, Florida, where cops were called to the home of Bozo Roxelle Wilson on a report of domestic violence. It was her choice of weapon that merited inclusion in the Bozo Report. She admitted that they were both intoxicated and involved in a verbal argument when she hurled a raw steak at him. He escaped serious injury as it was not a bone-in cut of meat. She’s been charged with domestic assault and was booked into the county jail. No word on the fate of the steak.
Bozo criminals for today come from Tuscola County, Michigan, where officers were keeping an eye on an area where a large party was being promoted on TikTok. The next think you know, a car with seven bozos pulls up and starts cutting donuts in the middle of the intersection. Bad idea. Not only were they busted for a traffic violation, three men were found to be carrying handguns without permits. Hope you enjoyed the donuts, you’re under arrest!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pinellas County, Florida, where 23 year old bozo Jazmine Levy was in custody on a felony grand theft case. Claiming to be ill, a female deputy was escorting her to a walk-in clinic for testing. Out of nowhere, our bozo walloped the deputy in the face. And her Bozo Excuse of the Week? She said she was “bored.” Well OK then. You can add felony assault charges to those other felonies you’re charged with. Hope you don’t get bored reading the charges against you.