That Must Have Been One Really Nice Phone

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We searched far and wide and couldn’t find any criminal activity in today’s story, other than the fact that our bozo was criminally stupid, so here goes anyway. Our bozo for today comes from Fishtrap Creek campground in Montana. A bit of background first. Apparently at some remote campgrounds in Montana where standard sewers are not available, they use something called a vault toilet. Vault toilets have a tank for holding waste that is usually about five feet deep, so you can imagine they can be pretty nasty. Ok, back to our story. A photo has been circulating recently on Reddit showing our naked bozo literally up to his elbows in a hole in the ground inside a concrete outhouse. Apparently he had dropped his phone into the toilet and he desperately wanted it back. Bad enough that he removed the porcelain throne, stripped naked and climbed in to retrieve it. And did we mention he locked the door behind him? Good idea…unless you get stuck, which he did. He was in deep doo-doo for three hours until someone else finally came along and discovered his plight. Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks employees were called, the door was broken down and our bozo was eventually extracted. And that phone? Still missing.

And On Top Of Everything, His Cholesterol Went Up 50 Points

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Tarpon Springs, Florida, where cops were called to the home of Bozo Roxelle Wilson on a report of domestic violence. It was her choice of weapon that merited inclusion in the Bozo Report. She admitted that they were both intoxicated and involved in a verbal argument when she hurled a raw steak at him. He escaped serious injury as it was not a bone-in cut of meat. She’s been charged with domestic assault and was booked into the county jail. No word on the fate of the steak.

You Know Cops Are Drawn To Donuts!

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Bozo criminals for today come from Tuscola County, Michigan, where officers were keeping an eye on an area where a large party was being promoted on TikTok. The next think you know, a car with seven bozos pulls up and starts cutting donuts in the middle of the intersection. Bad idea. Not only were they busted for a traffic violation, three men were found to be carrying handguns without permits. Hope you enjoyed the donuts, you’re under arrest!

If You’re Bored, Try Wordle!

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Pinellas County, Florida, where 23 year old bozo Jazmine Levy was in custody on a felony grand theft case. Claiming to be ill, a female deputy was escorting her to a walk-in clinic for testing. Out of nowhere, our bozo walloped the deputy in the face. And her Bozo Excuse of the Week? She said she was “bored.” Well OK then. You can add felony assault charges to those other felonies you’re charged with. Hope you don’t get bored reading the charges against you.