Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Gillette, Wyoming, where it would seem Bozo Rule Number 8744348 was violated. This rule clearly states: Don’t ask unnecessary questions. Apparently our bozo was a bit confused so he called the cops to try to clear things up. He asked the Sheriff’s Office why he hadn’t been arrested since they raided his house the previous day. Well, hold on while we check. Sheriff’s Office records showed no raid on his home, yesterday or any other day. So the obvious question, why should you have been arrested? Our bozo’s answer, “For using meth.” Well, OK then. The cops decided to keep an eye on him and when he went out for a drive they pulled him over for driving erratically. Busted! He failed a field sobriety test and was placed under arrest for DUI.

You’ve Been Converted To an Official Bozo

First, a quick thanks to everyone who has asked…the bozo report has been slowed down due to my recent surgery. Hope to get back to full speed soon! Our bozo for today comes from Rochester Hills, Michigan, where the cops pulled over a vehicle around 2:15 AM after they noticed it had no license plate. For those of you playing along at home, that’s strike one. A quick check of the driver’s license found it to be suspended. Strike two. The passenger then spoke up to claim that she was actually the owner of the vehicle. Um…did anyone ask? However she was unable to produce any proof of ownership. Let’s call that strike two and a half. Then, a deputy noticed seven catalytic converters and a Sawzall in the car. Unless you’re running a mobile muffler shop, looks like you’ve been stealing those. Strike three! Busted! I case you weren’t aware, catalytic converters are a popular item for theft due to the valuable precious metals they contain.

There Was Only a Teensy Little Sign!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Aylesbury, England. The cops were in pursuit of our bozo when he suddenly ditched his car and fled on foot. Seeking a place to hide, he ran into the first building he encountered. Good plan, right? Wrong. The first building he saw was the Aylesbury police station. Well, that makes things simple. He’s busted! Charged with possession of drugs.

Wow! Those New McDonalds Uniforms Sure Are Fancy!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Richmond, North Yorkshire, England. It seems army lance corporal and bozo Marie Graham had been out for a night of heavy drinking. And what’s better after getting your drink on than a nice order of McDonalds fries and maybe some chicken nuggets? At least that’s what our bozo thought, so she headed for the drive thru at Mickey D’s. It was late and the drive thru was closed and cordoned off. Our bozo pulled in anyway and employees called the cops. When officers arrived, it would seem she was a bit confused as she gave the cop her order when he approached her window. Bad idea. Busted! She faces drunken driving charges and a military disciplinary hearing.

Why Didn’t We Have Substitute Teachers Like That When We Were In School?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pawhuska, Oklahoma, where the police were investigating an incident at the local high school. It seemed that at least one of the students had complained about Bozo Lindy Spain’s actions while substituting teaching a choir class. In an attempt to be “the cool teacher” she decided to perform a cartwheel in front of the class. No problem, right? Well…it seems she was wearing a dress with no underwear, which led a 17 year-old female to complain that she had exposed her “buttocks and bare vagina.” As far as we have been able to determine, no boys complained. She’s busted and charged with indecent exposure.