Bozo criminal for today needs to find a better supporting cast. From Toledo, Ohio comes the story of bozo Eric Denton who pulled a daytime bank robbery and rushed out only to find his getaway driver had been spooked and had fled the scene without him. Panicking, our bozo simply jumped into the back seat of the next car he saw and told the driver to step on it. Not the best idea. The driver was a plainclothes police officer and the vehicle was an unmarked patrol car. And the person in the passenger seat was also an officer who quickly disarmed our bozo. He was given a ride, though. Directly to jail.
Month: May 2002
(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Modesto, California where bozo Richard King tried to rob a branch of the Bank of America without using a weapon. He walked in, threatened the teller, using his thumb and forefinger in his pocket to simulate a gun. Things were going along well until our bozo forgot and pulled his hand out while gesturing to the teller, revealing that his "gun" was actually his hand. Seeing that he was no threat, the teller simply walked away to call the cops. Our bozo eventually grew tired of waiting and walked out of the bank and right in to the arms of the just arriving police officers.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Greg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Rangiora, New Zealand comes the story of bozo Michael Burns and his two accomplices who made careful plans to break into a tobacco shop. First, the bozos cut the wire leading to the burglar alarm, then they forced their way in and helped themselves to some cigarettes and a few cigars. But before the trio could make their getaway police were on the scene. And it was all because of one flaw in their not so carefully thought out plan. The burglar alarm they disconnected was for the store next door. The one in the tobacco shop was still working just fine.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0059: When escaping from any location, to be successful you have to actually leave. From the International File in southern Alberta, Canada comes the story of bozo Raymond Tyree who was serving time with no hope for parole. So he decided to pull a daring escape, sort of. He crawled into the prison’s ventilation system and just kept on crawling, around and around and through different areas of the prison staying in the ductwork but never finding his way out. Other prisoners took pity on him and brought him food and water before prison officials finally tracked him down. Two months and 30 pounds later. He’s in a new cell with no ductwork.
Bozo criminal for today comes from La Porte, Indiana where bozo Edward Gresham walked into the sheriff’s station to post bail for someone. Things were busy and our bozo was asked to take a seat until someone was available to help him. He plopped down in one of the office’s comfy chairs and before along he was fast asleep, snoring loudly, with his mouth wide open. One of the deputies tried to awaken him and noticed something inside our bozo’s mouth. Upon closer inspection it was determined to be two small bags of rock cocaine. He’s now joined his friend in jail.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Ogden, Utah where bozo Frank Seymore walked by and snatched some jewelry from a street vendor. Now this should be a pretty easy crime to pull off most weekends of the year. But our bozo picked the wrong weekend. This particular weekend motorcycle cops from across the country were in Ogden for a convention. In fact, several cops were washing their bikes nearby when they heard the street vendor’s cries for help. Before our bozo knew it he was surrounded by more motorcycle police officers than he had ever seen before in his life. Needless to say he was busted.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 8989: After stealing a car, it’s not usually a good idea to call back to ask for instructions. From Albuquerque, New Mexico comes the story of bozo Adrian Salas who, along with some friends, carjacked an Acura Integra, forcing three passengers out at gunpoint and speeding away. A short time later, our bozo somehow obtained the owner of the car’s phone number and called to ask him if he could tell him how to hook up the car stereo’s amplifier. The cops used caller ID to track down and arrest our bozo.
It seems it may be getting hot very early this year. Yesterday’s story involved a stolen air conditioner and if he’d had an air conditioner our bozo for today might not be in the trouble he’s in. From Sharpes, Florida comes the story of bozo William Andrews who was pulled over by the cops after they recieved several complaints of a naked man driving down I-95. Our bozo put on pants and a shirt before pulling over and told the cops he was driving naked because he was hot. And as for the other thing that attracted everyone’s attention, he said he didn’t realize his dome light was on. He’s cooling off in jail.
Bozo criminals for today come from the Internal Affairs Division. From Homewood, Alabama comes the story of bozo police officers John Sterling and Kathy Holloway who were fired from the force last week after they were allegedly caught discussing how much they wanted to steal an air conditioner. (Must be a heat wave going on in Homewood) And our two bozos picked the absolute worst place to plan their heist. From inside a patrol car. And since police vehicles have video and audio recorders inside the whole thing was caught on tape. Our bozos did show they have some heart. On the tape they talked about how much they didn’t want to steal from someone in their home town.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Eileen Dunstone for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Canberra, Australia comes the story of bozo Norman Parker who went shopping at a department store and found a sweater he liked. He took it into one of the changing rooms, removed the security tag, stuffed the sweater underneath his jacket and headed for the door. He didn’t make it out the door, however, as a security alarm went off just as he was passing through. How could this have happened? He removed the security tag, right? Yep, and when he removed it, he dropped it in his pants pocket. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon where bozo David Coker was in need of a good night’s sleep, we guess. Bozo David broke into an apartment in Eugene, took off his clothes and slipped into bed beside a woman and her boyfriend who were already sleeping soundly. Our bozo soon fell asleep himself but it was to be a short nap. The woman woke up, noticed a stranger snoring beside her and began screaming. Her boyfriend jumped out of bed and chased our bozo out the front door. In his haste, he left behind his pants, which contained his wallet and ID. Didn’t take the cops long to track him down. He’s now testing the jail’s mattress.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Connecticut where bozo Larry Darnell snatched a woman’s purse. Our bozo was on the way to a nearby store to use the stolen credit cards when the cell phone in the purse rang. It was the cops, hoping our bozo would answer. But he was too smart for that. Our bozo grabbed the phone and tried to turn it off. Unfortunately, he wasn’t quite smart enough to do that. Instead of hitting the "Off" button, he hit the "Answer" button. Satisfied that the phone had stopped ringing, he threw it back into the purse, which he was still carrying around. The cops could hear everything that was going on and, using the background music to help identify which store he was in, arrested him before he completed his shopping.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fayette County, Pennsylvania where bozo Duron Frank was brought into court on drug possession charges. While in the courthouse, our bozo was approached by a couple of police officers who were there to serve him with a warrant in an unrelated case. Seeing the officers, our bozo became very agitated and said, "Man, I got the blow on me." Oh really? The officers checked him and indeed he was carrying two grams of crack cocaine and some marijuana. Right there in the courthouse. On the day he was scheduled to go before a judge. He’s back behind bars.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Zephyrhills, Florida comes the story of bozo Korey Hardy who had recently been in jail on drug charges. He must have really liked the prison issued orange jumpsuit that he wore while locked up because when he was released he stole it. While this might be a good outfit for lounging around the house it’s not a good one to wear to a rock music festival where there are a lot of cops around. And that’s just what he did. As you might expect, he drew the attention of one of the officers who came over to inquire about his choice in clothing. Our bozo first told him it was a Halloween costume even though he was about six months early for that. The officer ran a quick check and found our bozo was wanted on a parole violation. He’s back in jail, but the good news is he gets to wear his favorite outfit every day.
Before it’s all said and done there may turn out to be several bozos involved in the Robert Blake murder case, but for now we have only one for sure. From San Diego, California comes the brother of the late Bonny Lee Bakley, Joseph Bakley. Bozo Joseph was interviewed on a recent "20/20" about his sister’s death. That’s fine, and perhaps even expected except for one small thing. Bozo Joseph was a wanted man. He had skipped parole on cocaine possession and grand theft charges in Florida. And cops in Florida watch 20/20, too. He’s been arrested.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Sao Luiz Do Maranhao, Brazil where a bozo gang robbed a store, stealing bread, milk, sodas, cookies, chocolate and a small amount of cash. As soon as our bozos fled, the store owner called the cops who arrived quickly. Fast enough in fact to run into our bozos as they returned to the store to steal one more item…they forgot to get butter. They’re now under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 8990: When driving a stolen car, it’s not usually a good idea to ask police for help if it breaks down. That’s what happened to bozo Renee Hughes of Billings, Montana who was cruising around in a stolen car when she had a flat. A police officer stopped to offer help and before changing the tire did a routine check of the license plate. When he discovered the car was stolen, he did the gentlemanly thing, he changed the tire while waiting for backup to arrive and arrest our bozo.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in this one from the International File. From Penrith, Australia comes the story of a gang of bozos who smashed their truck through the window of a service station. They then proceeded to attach a chain to the ATM machine inside. They connected the chain to the rear of their truck and sped away, planning to take the ATM To their hideout where they could break into it at their leisure and help themselves to the cash inside. Our bozos had obviously never taken a physics class or they might have seen what was coming. As they drug the heavy ATM through the city streets, sparks flew from under the machine and finally the heat built up enough that the whole thing burst into flames. And that’s when our bozos bailed out, leaving their truck and the smoldering ATM behind.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania where bozo Dennis O’Leary held up a bank and made a clean getaway, stuffing the cash in his front pocket and fleeing on foot. He hadn’t gotten very far when he started to attract attention, or at least his pants did. They were smoking. The dye packs in the money had exploded and there was enough red smoke billowing from his trousers that a couple of maintenance guys became suspicious and grabbed him until the cops arrived.
Bozo criminal for today perhaps should have stayed away from that second piece of pie. From the International File in Amsterdam, The Netherlands comes the story of an unidentified bozo prisoner who was just sure he could squeeze through the hatch of his cell door and escape. He was wrong. He was stuck tight and the guards first used oil, then soap and water to try to free him, but to no avail. Finally they had to bring in an oxyacetylene cutting torch to enlarge the hole in the metal door and pull our bozo out. He’s been moved to a more secure cell.