Who Cut the Cheese?

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Liverpool, England. It would seem drug dealer Carl Simpson is a big fan of cheese, stilton in particular. And he found a variety of mature blue stilton that was so unbelievably tasty that he just had to share his find with some friends. So, he took a picture of the cheese and posted it up on EnchroChat, a supposedly encrypted phone system. What he didn’t know was that the cops had compromised the system and had identified 10,000 of its users in the UK, most of them involved in criminal activity. OK, fine, but how did he get busted? Remember that picture of the tasty stilton? He was holding it in his hand and, as fate would have it, his fingerprints were clearly visible. Uh-oh. The cops ID’ed him from that picture and he’s now behind bars, sentenced to 13 years for selling heroin and cocaine.

Well, Maybe the Windex Was Supposed To Clean Him Up

Our bozo for today comes from the “only in Florida” file. Police in Clearwater were called to a report of a disturbance at an apartment. When they arrived, they found our 60 year old bozo involved in a heated argument with her 64 year old boyfriend. They found the victim cowering on the couch where she had apparently been throwing something at him. Upon further investigation, that “something” was found to be soiled doggie pee-pee pads. The victim also reported that she had sprayed him with Windex. She’s been charged with domestic battery and booked into the county jail. The victim was embarrassed but otherwise unharmed.

Well, That’s One Way To Get His Attention

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Salt Lake City, Utah. It seems bozo Ryan Slater had a matter he needed to discuss with the police, so he walked up to an officer who was investigating another incident. The cop told him he was busy at the moment but that he would talk to him as soon as he was finished. So, our bozo just waited his turn, right? Wrong. He found a second cop who gave him the same response. So, now, what to do? How about climb into a marked K-9 patrol vehicle, with the police dog caged in the back. Yep, and he drove the car around the block before pulling up to another officer. Now, he had their attention…but not in the way he hoped. He’s busted! Charged with theft of a police vehicle.

You Just Won a Free Trip To Jail

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cherokee County, Georgia, where Bozo Dwayne Hall was pulled over for driving erratically on Interstate 75. Our bozo jumped out of the car and ran into the woods, dropping his backpack in the process. He got away but the cops confiscated the backpack, finding methamphetamine and a couple of other items inside. One of the items was a winning Georgia Lottery scratch off ticket. The cops decided to post a picture of the winning ticket on their Facebook page, congratulating our bozo and offering to give it back to him if he would only show up at the sheriff’s office to pick it up. Yep, he did. Yep, he’s now under arrest.

Well, It Did Seem Like That Person Was Taking A Long Time To Finish His Meal

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, where Covid-19 restrictions are still in place limiting indoor dining in restaurants. And one upstanding citizen spotted what they thought was a customer inside a restaurant and called the cops. Must have been a slow day for crime in Halifax, as two patrol cars were immediately dispatched to the restaurant. Officers jumped out of their cars and were ready to dole out punishment to the offender when they noticed…the “customer” was a mannequin seated at one of the tables. Crisis averted.

They Got Gassed!

Our bozos for today from the International File in Chile obviously forgot Bozo Rule Number 2232390: It’s a bad idea to try to carjack a car when the the owner has a gas pump hose in his hand. Our bozos pulled up to the station and three of them jumped out of a van with the intention of stealing the car while the owner was filling it with gas. Bad idea. The owner was having none of it and proceeded to pull the hose out and drench our would be carjackers with gasoline. And for good measure, he sprayed the interior of their car also. Our dripping and very flammable bozos made a hasty retreat. We can only hope no one fired up a cigarette…