Uh, Maybe Leave the Racing To the Professionals, Officer

Our bozos for today come from the Internal Affairs Division in Washington, D.C. A couple of officers, instead of keeping the peace, decided to drag race each other in their scout cars. At 5 pm on Anacostia Avenue. Bad idea. The department is not releasing many details but social media photos show at least one residential fence was taken out during the “race.”

Since Sears Closed, It’s Hard To Find a DieHard

Bozo criminals for today come from Clackamas County, Oregon, where our bozos were going to tag-team it. One would go into Kohl’s and shoplift a bunch of stuff while the other would be waiting in the getaway car just outside. Great plan. Except…the car died and the weak battery quickly went dead. When the cops arrived, they found our bozos, hood of the car up, trying to get a jump from bystanders. And inside the car they found phones, laptops, clothing from other stores, stolen credit cards and a credit card reader, drugs, and counterfeit cash. And did we mention the getaway car was also stolen? Busted! Charged with of theft, possession of a forged instrument, and a warrant for heroin possession.

Wet and Not So Wild

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tallahassee, Florida, where bozo David Monroe had a big night out. Apparently he had a little too much to drink, stumbled and fell into a pool of water. Now, here you have a drunk, dripping bozo. What to do? In this case, he decided to head into a parking garage where he found a fire extinguisher. Nope, he wasn’t on fire, but, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he thought the extinguisher might dry him off. So, he unleashed the device on himself. The result was what you might imagine. The cops found him, covered in powder. Busted! Interfering with firefighter equipment is a third degree felony. He’s drying off in jail.

But the Wife Demanded I Do It!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spartanburg, South Carolina, where the cops responded to a 1:10 AM call of a naked man. Sure enough, upon arrival, they found Bozo Michael Bennett strolling naked down the street with a clear plastic bag covering his genitals and smoking a blunt. After initially trying to run from the cops, he then decided to offer up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told officers that he had cheated on his wife and and his penance was to do a “walk of shame” to try to get out of the doghouse. Don’t know if that worked, but it did put him in the jailhouse. He’s been charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, marijuana possession, and resisting police.

If Only He’d Worn Long Sleeves…

Our bozo for today comes from the International File in the Dominican Republic. Bozo Marc Biart had been on the run for seven years, wanted for allegedly trafficking cocaine while a member of Italy’s notorious Ndrangheta crime syndicate. Our bozo had been keeping a low profile except for his one passion. Italian cooking. He fancied himself a chef and had started a You Tube cooking channel showing off his skills. He carefully kept his face concealed during the videos, but he didn’t bother to cover his arms. And that’s what got him arrested. Apparently he had some very distinctive tattoos which police in Italy recognized. They tracked him down to the Caribbean nation where he was arrested and extradited to Italy, where he faces numerous charges.