Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Brussels, Belgium. Customs authorities were alerted to something strange in our bozo’s luggage when he returned from a trip to Jamaica. A large artificial penis was found to be stuffed with cocaine. Well. Mr. Happy, indeed. He’s busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Vienna, Austria. The cops responded to a report of a suspicious character in a park. When they approached our bozo, he rose from the park bench, turned his back to the cops, and, in the words of their report, “released a massive intestinal wind in the vicinity of the officers.” Yep, he farted on them. Busted! He was fined $564 for “violating public decency.”
Bozo criminals for today come from Richland County, South Carolina. A man and woman burst into the local Pizza Hut, brandishing a weapon…they demanded cash, right? Nope. Our bozos demanded a Pepsi. They confronted the clerk and said their delivery driver did not include their promised Pepsi in their order, so they were here to get it. The man held the gun on the manager while the woman grabbed a two liter bottle of Pepsi from behind the counter. They then left to enjoy their refreshing beverage. Cops have good security camera footage and hope to be able to make an arrest soon.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart County, Indiana, where bozo Michael Dever was cruising down the highway in his souped up Mustang. Cruising at 120 in a 70 MPH zone. Indiana State Police officers gave chase and pursued him for 25 miles before troopers threw stop sticks in his path. And just why didn’t he stop? His bozo excuse was that he thought the cops wanted to race. Uh-huh. He’s charged with resisting police, reckless driving and several moving violations.
Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Montepulciano, Italy, violated basic Bozo Rule Number 001110323: Think first, then, hide your stash. It seems the cops were aware our bozo gang had been peddling cocaine in the clubs in the area and had even wiretapped their phones to keep track of what was going on. Our bozos got wind that something was up and decided to hide their stash. Now, what to do with it? How about head into the countryside and bury in in a remote location. Good idea. Who could possibly find it? Guess they forgot about the pack of feral hogs that was roaming around the area. Cops listening in to the wiretap heard our bozos complaining the the hogs had dug up the coke stash and scattered it everywhere. Oops. Our bozos are busted. No word on the hogs.