Our bozo for today comes from the International File in Suffolk, England. For nearly a year, the cops had been searching for bozo Wayne Pierce after he failed to appear in court on charges of committing nearly a million dollars in fraud. The case had gone cold when a detective happened to be checking out Match.com and whose smiling face should appear? Yep, our bozo, complete with his full dating profile. Looks like his next opportunity for a meaningful relationship will be in the jailhouse.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Sharon, South Carolina, where bozo David Carter walked into a convenience store, wearing a hoodie, wig and mask and demanded cash. He pointed to a gun in his waistband as the clerk handed over $300. He made his getaway but a quick call to the cops by the clerk resulted in him being grabbed in a nearby parking lot. So what exactly makes this worthy of inclusion in the Bozo Report? It was that “gun” that was tucked in his pants. Upon further investigation, the cops discovered that it was actually a toy gun from the Nintendo game Duck Hunt which had been spray painted black. Busted! Charged with armed robbery and petty larceny.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Clay County, Missouri. You can put this one in the “What were they thinking?” file. Our bozos were involved in a routine traffic stop and as he was approaching the car the officer couldn’t help but notice the unusual personalized license plate, “WE-HIGH”. We’re not sure if they were or not but we do know they fled as he was approaching the vehicle. And that’s always a bad idea. Busted! And charged with resisting arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where police were called to a report of a disturbance in a retail strip parking lot. Upon arrival, the cops encountered our agitated bozo, weapon in hand, threatening two people inside a parked vehicle. Looking inside, the cops observed one female, covered in rice, and rice strewn throughout the vehicle. Did we fail to mention the weapon our bozo was holding was a takeout container of fried rice from a nearby Chinese restaurant? Yep, assault with fried rice. No word on the cause of the disturbance. Rice-man was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery.
Bozo criminals for today come from Detroit, Michigan where steps A and B of the plan went well. It was step C that went awry. Step A: Head to a construction site and steal a backhoe. Check. Step B: Drive said backhoe across the street, through a parking lot and smash into a free-standing ATM. Check. Step C: Remove ATM and bust it open and escape with a ton of cash. Sorry, no check on this one. As they were turning the backhoe around, the ATM fell from the bucket and smashed to the ground. The ATM was unscathed and our bozos made a quick business decision that this caper might not be as simple as it seemed. They fled the scene, leaving the ATM and the backhoe behind. Cops are investigating.