That Must Have Been Some Cat

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Melbourne, Australia, where bozo Tony White wanted his cat back. Really, really wanted his cat back. After discovering the cat was at a local shelter, our bozo donned full combat gear, armed himself with a fake assault weapon and stormed into the facility. He then tied up the person at the front desk and questioned her about the whereabouts of the cat. Not sure why, but he left the facility without retrieving the cat only to return the next day. This time they were ready. The cops were called and our bozo, who reportedly suffers from PTSD, was charged with false imprisonment, aggravated burglary, criminal damage, perjury, common law assault and carrying an imitation weapon. No word on the status of the kitty.

A Super Burrito Could Probably Have Done More Damage

Another day, another domestic battery charge from Florida using foodstuffs. From Tampa Bay, Florida comes the story of bozo-ette Brandy Landers, 20, who got into an argument with her mother regarding the “cleanliness of the house.” One thing led to another, ending with Brandy hurling two tacos at her mother from the dining room. Mom called the cops and the officer reported that he found her sitting on the couch with “food debris” all over her and her shirt. Busted! Our bozo was charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail.

Hey, That Name Sounds Awfully Familiar

After thorough investigaton, Turkish police found no actual criminal activity involved here, but the bozo level is high enough to merit mention. From Cayakka, Turkey, comes the story of a man who was reported missing by his friends. Our bozo, who was in town for a construction project, went out for a night of drinking with his co-workers. The next morning his friends thought he had drunkenly wandered off into the woods and a search party was quickly organized. Meanwhile, our bozo, who had gone to a friends villa to sleep it off, awoke and noticed all the activity outside. The searchers told him they were looking for a missing man, and our bozo, being a good citizen, joined in the search. It was not until he heard other searchers calling his name that he realized “Oh, that’s me.” Police interviewed him and released him with no charges being filed.

Those Zoom Meetings Just Never Go Well

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Tampa, Florida, where Covid 19 restrictions have led to some bozo defendants appearing before the judge via Zoom meetings. That was the case when bozo BJ Downs was called before the judge on charges of fraud and petit theft. Our bozo seemed very polite in his testimony but prosecutors recorded something that sealed his fate. Video shows our bozo shooting up while waiting to speak to the judge. Yikes! Looks like he’ll be facing further charges.

Must Have Been a Full Moon!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in today’s report from Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. This one comes under the heading of it’s always a good idea just to mind your own business. The cops had pulled over a driver on suspicion of DUI. Our bozo, who had no connection to the driver, approached the officer, began video recording the scene, and started shouting obscenities. The cop cautioned him and this seemed to further agitate our bozo, who then spat in the officer’s direction. Bad idea. He fought back as the officer tried to arrest him. Backup was called and our bozo was hauled away, charged with obstructing a police officer, assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, and violation of probation.

The Customer Service Was So Good Last Time…

Bozo criminal for today from Fountain Valley, California, violated Bozo Rule Number 0303982: If you are a bozo, it’s never a good idea to return to the scene of the crime. It seems our unidentified 33 year old bozo walked into the Chase bank on Monday, gave the teller a note demanding cash, and exited with what was called “a large sum of money.” Success on Monday, so what do you do on Tuesday? Go back and rob the same bank again, of course! This time things didn’t work out so well. Tellers stalled our bozo until the cops arrived. He’s busted!

But Is the Catalytic Converter Still Available?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stone County, Missouri, where bozo James Cain had a catalytic converter he needed to sell. So, he placed it on his coffee table, took a picture and posted it for sale on Facebook Marketplace. Sounds like a good plan, right? Well….except for the bag of methamphetamine and the syringe in the background. Oops. A citizen reported the picture to the cops and they found him to be in possession of 48 grams of meth and a pistol he was forbidden to own. Busted! Charged with possession of a controlled substance and probation/parole violation.