Monthly Archives: November 2023

It’s an annual tradition, Santa Claus makes his appearance in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and our “bozo footprints in the snow” story follows shortly thereafter. This year’s cold case comes from Monroe, Michigan, where the cops were dispatched to a report of a porch pirate stealing packages delivered at the front door of some residences. Our bozo didn’t know it, but he already had two strikes against him. One, a nice picture of him caught in the act by the Ring doorbell. And, two, those footprints he left behind in the snow as he ran from the house, not to mention the package wrapping he dropped along the trail. It wasn’t long before the cops spotted him and when his boot prints matched the prints in the snow he was busted.

Bozo criminal for today from Lake County, Florida is from the Senior Division. Any of us that are married may be able to relate to this one. Our 70-year-old bozo became upset with his wife when he discovered that “once again” the coffee maker had no water in it. The spat quickly escalated and our bozo picked up the first weapon he could find. A package of Oreos. Yep, he threw a package of Oreos at her, allegedly knocking her down. Police could find “no obvious injuries” but our bozo was arrested and charged with domestic violence anyway. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Our bozo for today from Lakeland, Florida must have been a fan of the old Cheech and Chong “Dave’s not here, man” bit. It seems bozo Johnny Yates was wanted by the cops on aggravated battery, false imprisonment and tampering charges. The cops got a lead on where he was holed up and when they arrived, they found a whiteboard sign on the front door saying “Johnny Yates does NOT live here.” Not taking the word of a dry erase board, the cops knocked on the door and asked Johnny to come out. When there was no response, some “surrender smoke” was sent it to speed things along. Our bozo was finally found inside, holed up in a modified chest of drawers. Busted! And for those of you who don’t remember, this ruse didn’t work for Cheech and Chong either, as the Dave who wasn’t there actually was Dave, seen through a cloud of smoke.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Iowa City, Iowa, where where the cops were called to the local Target on a report of a man exposing himself. Upon arrival, store employees were able to show the police a video of our bozo doing just that. Not so fast…we offer you the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that he was not “masturbating his actual penis” but instead a “dildo he had in his shorts.” Well. Hope it was good for the dildo, too. The cops weren’t buying this one. He’s busted! Charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure.