As the year winds down, here’s one that moves right to the top of the list of Bozos for 2022. From Gainesville, Georgia, comes the story of our bozo who had an armed robbery all planned out. He waited outside a local business, hidden in some bushes, waiting for an employee to emerge so he could jump him. He failed to take into account the side door, and when someone emerged from that exit, it frightened him, causing him to fire off his gun and attempt a hasty getaway. All good except…look out for that icy spot on the sidewalk! He took a nasty fall and was knocked silly, giving bystanders an opportunity to disarm him and call the cops. Busted! Charged with armed robbery and aggravated assault.
Sometimes we have to waive the “criminal” qualification from one of our stories that is so totally Bozo that we just can’t pass it up. Such is the case with today’s story from the International File in Toulon, France. Our 88 (yes 88) year-old bozo showed up at the hospital and reported that he had inserted an object up his rectum and couldn’t remove it. No problem, let’s take you into x-ray and take a look. Hold on…that looks like…an artillery shell?! Not taking any chances the hospital was evacuated and incoming patients diverted until the situation could be further assessed. The man told them it was indeed a World War I artillery shell, eight inches long and two inches wide, that he had inserted up his backside for “sexual pleasure.” The man was taken into surgery where the shell was removed without incident. Shell-shocked doctors and bomb disposal experts said that, while it was possible, it was unlikely the shell would have exploded inside the man.
Bozo criminal for today from Tampa, Florida, violated seldom seen Bozo Rule Number 98944232: It’s never a good idea to use animals as a weapon. The cops were called to a residence on a report of domestic battery. Further investigation found that our bozo, Susan Franklin, had gotten into an argument with her girlfriend, at which time she picked up her cat and used it to scratch the face of her domestic partner. The victim, who suffered numerous lacerations on her face, pressed charges and our bozo was charged with domestic battery. The cat, while clearly an accomplice, was not charged.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Rockdale County, Georgia, where the local Sheriff’s department posted a “Most Wanted List” on their Facebook page. Obviously, they were hoping to hear from the public giving them leads on catching these dangerous crooks. What they got was instead a response from a Bozo who felt slighted by the whole thing. Bozo Christopher Spencer posted “How about me” on the Sheriff’s Office page. Bad idea. The cops quickly tracked him down and placed him under arrest, but not before replying on social media, “You are correct. You have two warrants. We are on the way.” Busted!
Tis the holiday season and as always the Bozos are coming out in force. Today’s story comes from Traverse City, Michigan, where the cops were called to a disturbance at a Christmas party at the Hotel Indigo. Apparently a man in a Grinch costume got into a fight with another partygoer in a reindeer outfit. When the fight spilled out of the bar and into the lobby area, a hotel employee tried to intervene. And that’s when things took a nasty turn. Instead of fighting each other, Mr. Reindeer and Mr. Grinch turned on the poor employee, with Mr. Reindeer shoving him to the ground. The Grinch then pummeled the poor guy, giving him a black eye and breaking his watch. The cops arrived and, after getting things under control, arrested the Grinch and charged him with assault and battery. Mr. Reindeer got a warning to be nice and was not charged.
Once again, it’s the holiday season. And once again we are pleased to report that many local Walmart stores are hosting the “Shop With a Cop” event where officers assist local children shopping for Christmas presents. And of course every year bozos want to get involved, too. Today’s report comes courtesy of Gregory Lay who let us know what happened during the event in St. Cloud, in Osceola County, Florida. It seems the Walmart there was in total Shop With a Cop mode, with the store full of 40 deputies, the forensics team, the community services team, the CSOs, the OSCO Majors and the Sheriff when bozo Brad decided to shoplift a few items, including gloves and perfume. Bad, bad idea. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today come from Houston, Texas, where a homeowner was in the process of moving out of her residence when she returned home to find a broken window and some things in disarray. Then she noticed something else…two bozos asleep on her patio. Cops were called and apparently our crooks completely wore themselves out ransacking her house and decided to take a brief nap before making their getaway. They’re now getting plenty of rest in the county jail.