Monthly Archives: April 2023

Bozo criminals for today from Oak Park, Michigan, violated Bozo Rule Number 121933: Gas that vehicle up first, then load it up with drugs. A Michigan State Police trooper stopped to assist a driver of a disabled vehicle. Our bozo told the trooper he had run out of gas after driving to pick up another person, who was sitting in the back of the car. He then admitted to the officer that he was carrying a handgun, for which he did not have a CPL. And then things went downhill rapidly. He was placed under arrest for Carrying a Concealed Weapon. A quick search of the car turned up a grocery bag in the back seat containing heroin, LSD sugar cubes, and a scale. And since that bag also contained credit cards with the rear seat passenger’s name on it, he was also arrested. Their next stop is jail. Their first stop should have been the gas station.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clearwater, Florida, where bozo Daniel Barrera was pulled over by the cops for a minor traffic violation. The officers checked his license and discovered it was invalid. Uh-oh. This prompted a search of the car which turned up a large clear bag which contained 30 grams of a powdery substance. He quickly offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week, telling the cops it was “chili powder” sent to him from his family in Guatemala. Sorry. No dice. It tested positive for heroin. Busted! Charged with a narcotics trafficking rap, plus a probation charge related to a previous DUI charge and he was wanted by immigration and customs officials.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sanlucar de Barrameda, Spain. Our bozo broke into a tapas bar overnight and cleaned out the cash register and also took seven legs of pricey Iberico ham. When the owner of the shop arrived the next morning she noticed something interesting. A greasy trail of fat leading from the restaurant to a nearby residence. Yep, those legs of ham are heavy and our bozo drug them on the ground behind him as he attempted his getaway. Busted! The cops got a warrant and found the hams and the cash inside.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Pierce for sending in today’s report from Portland, Oregon. Officers tried to pull over our bozo on a report of a suspicious vehicle. Instead, our bozo fled, leading the cops on a chase that involved the tires getting spiked and the vehicle eventually ending up on the banks of the Willamette River. Ignoring orders to surrender, our bozo jumped in and attempted to swim to freedom. Somewhere between the bank and the shore, it occurred to him that this might not be the best idea and he turned back and swam to the officers, where he gave himself up. He’s been charged with theft of a vehicle and evading arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Redwood City, California, where bozo Moses Robley was seen scrambling over two fences and then climbing through a second floor door. OK, so why does this qualify as a bozo? The building he entered was the Maple Street Correctional Center. Yep, he broke INTO a jail. When officers found him, he was relaxing in a lobby area inside the building usually reserved for inmates. His story: He was fleeing a man with a gun. He was found to be in possession of stolen credit cards and appeared to be under the influence of meth and alcohol. Busted! Charged with misdemeanor breaking and entering.

Bozo criminals for today come from Flagler County, Florida, where a Peterbilt semi-tractor truck was reported stolen. The cops received a call from a citizen who had observed something strange going on in a Days Inn parking lot. He said there were two bozos there who were painting a big rig. With cans of aerosol spray paint. Yep, our bozos, who had stolen a hot pink Peterbilt were attempting to hide it by spray painting it red. When the police arrived they found the truck, our bozos, and 10 cans of Krylon spray paint. Busted! Charged with grand theft auto and criminal mischief.

Our bozo criminal for today was a big time drug dealer. Headquartered in Novi, Michigan, he had an organization that distributed fentanyl, heroin and cocaine across the U.S., as well as a large scale money laundering operation. But even big and successful criminals are still bozos. His downfall? He had shipped heroin to a customer in a Sony Playstation box. When the recipient was busted, an enterprising cop decided to scan the UPC code on the box, and sure enough, our bozo had registered the Play Station. Cops traced it to his stash house where the game was set up and in operation when they raided the place. Busted! He’s looking at 22 years in federal prison.