A Drone, Maybe, But an Airplane?

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Montville, Connecticut. It seems our bozo was charged with robbery and assault at a local Chinese restaurant. And the cops had damning evidence, too, a DNA match made on blood taken from the parking lot where he got into a scuffle with a man while trying to rob him. With things looking bad, our bozo offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Month. While he didn’t deny the blood was his, he said that a phlebotomist who took his blood several years ago dropped his DNA on the scene by airplane. Yep, a plane swooped in and planted the blood sample. Don’t think so. He’s busted!

No, You Can’t Take This Item For a Test Drive

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Pierce, Florida, where the cops were called to an adult store on a report of a disturbance. Upon arrival, employees told the cops there was a naked woman in the back, who they believed had shoplifted an item. Officers found the woman in the storeroom, pleasuring herself with a sex toy. Yikes! The woman followed the officer’s instructions to, um, drop Mr. Happy and put your hands up. She faces misdemeanor charges of theft and indecent exposure.

Well, One Thing’s For Sure, This Mask Takes Care Of the 6-Foot Distancing Rule

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Manchester, England. Britain, like most places, has a law requiring masks be worn in public places. Our bozo was seen walking onto a bus with a rather unusual face covering. His “mask” was made of snakeskin. After he was seated on the bus one of the passengers snapped a picture of the “mask” as it started to move. Further inspection found that the face covering was actually a real live snake that the man had wrapped around his nose and mouth. Authorities said while the snake was “not a proper face mask” the man was issued a warning and allowed to go on his way.

Well, Business Has Been Slow During the Pandemic

Bozo criminal for today comes from Memphis, Tennessee, where the cops were having problems with a man abusing the 911 service. They say Bozo Han Nguyen had called 911 241 times on September 1 and 32 times on September 2. And just what prompted all those calls? Officers say he asked the 911 operator if he wanted to buy some egg rolls. Guess the answer was no. He’s under arrest.

Heyyyy….Where Ya Goin’?

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randall Shimoda for sending in today’s report from Trenton, Ohio, where a sergeant with the sheriff’s office was on his way to work when he noticed something strange. A car seemed to be following him. Turn left, the car turned, turn right, the car turned. Turn into the police parking lot, the car followed. And that’s when the officer identified our bozo as Christina Cook who was driving a stolen driver’s education car belonging to B-Safe Driver’s School. When he asked her why she was following him, she came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She told him she “just wanted to see where he was going.” She found out and was given a personal tour of the jail. Busted!

At Least He Saved Them the Trouble of Pulling Him Over

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlotte County, Florida, where the sheriff’s department had started a new campaign to curtail drunk driving. Part of the plan included placing a digital sign on the side of the highway that read, “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over.” The sign hadn’t been up for long before bozo James Chadwick crashed into it. The cops found him sitting in his damaged Mazda, apparently unaware that he had even crashed into the sign. After blowing a .166 on the breathalyzer, twice the legal limit, he was placed under arrest.