One Bozo Now On Ice

Another day, another violation of coronavirus lockdown rules. This one comes from the International File in Augsburg, Germany, where Covid-19 rules there limit contact to members of the household plus one other person. With public gatherings limited also, our bozos decided to construct their own gathering place. An igloo. Yep, our bozos constructed an igloo in a public park. We can only assume things were going well until someone called the cops. Five bozos scattered when the police arrived. The least fleet footed one of them was captured and charged with breaching coronavirus lockdown rules.

Karma Is a Bitch, Bozo Dept.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lee County, Florida, where wannabe rapper Jonathan Hendricks needed to supplement his rap income by robbing a residence. So, he staked out the home and, when no one was there, he climbed in through a window. Or, should we say, attempted to climb in. He had just stuck his head in when the window unexpectedly slammed shut on him, leaving him trapped. According to the cops, they arrived to find him dead, dangling from the window by his neck. Services are pending.

The Cops Finally Found Something To Go On

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Funabashi City, Japan. Homebuilders reported that a toilet had been stolen overnight from a home that was under construction. Within days, another toilet was taken and the crappy thefts continued for three months, with a total of 18 toilets taken. Then, our thief made a crucial error. He sold a bowl to a second hand shop who reported the sale to the police. They were able to trace him from the receipt and our bozo, dubbed the “God of Toilets” by local media, was placed under arrest.

Take Him Home and Put Him In His Crate

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in this one from the International File in Canada’s Quebec province, which has seen a recent surge in Covid-19 cases. This led the province to implement a curfew from 8pm-5am. On of the few acceptable reasons to be out after curfew is to walk your dog. And it wasn’t long before a couple of bozos came up with a plan to get around the regulations. Police stopped a woman just after 9 on Saturday night walking her…husband. Yep, she had her husband on a leash and told the cops she was out walking her “dog.” We’re not sure just how much of a dog her husband is, but the cops weren’t buying this. They’ve both been fined $1212.

Should Have Put the Snow Chains On

Our bozo for today from Brampton, Ontario, Canada was foiled by a number of things, including Mother Nature. Our would-be porch pirate staked out a house with a nice looking package on the front porch. He wheels into the driveway and runs to grab the package only to be confronted by the homeowner, who was recording the whole thing. He makes a hasty retreat and tries to back out of the driveway. Unfortunately, he cut the wheels too sharply and his Toyota Yaris became stuck in a snowbank. Our bozo tries to push the car out of the bank to no avail. In the meantime, the homeowner had called the cops who showed up to bust our bozo before he ever got the car unstuck.