I Just Can’t Wear Those $#@%$ Masks!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jackson, Mississippi where our bozo walked into a bank wearing a surgical mask. When he reached the teller’s window, he pulled down his mask and threatened the teller, demanding cash. While he did get away with an undermined amount of money he left behind an excellent security camera picture of himself without the mask. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

He Got Just a Little Too Far In Character

Our bozo for today comes from Lehi, Utah. We don’t have details on what his motives were, but we know bozo Charles Morton liked to impersonate a police officer, even going so far as to have a green Salt Lake County Sheriff’s Department jacket. He was wearing said jacket when he walked into a 7-Eleven. And since he was a “cop”, it only seemed appropriate to grab a donut. His mistake was walking out without paying for it. The clerk reported the incident to the cops who used surveillance camera footage to grab the license plate of his getaway car. After it was determined the car was stolen, they tracked him to a nearby hotel where he was busted, charged with impersonation of an officer, receiving or transfer of a stolen vehicle and theft. Hope he enjoyed the donut.

Well, A Man’s Gotta Eat

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where paramedics had been called to an apartment complex. While they were dealing with the emergency, our bozo jumped into the ambulance and drove off. Unfortunately for him, the ambulance was equipped with GPS technology and the cops were able to pinpoint exactly where he went. To the nearby Jack In the Box drive thru. He had the emergency lights on and was ordering food when he was arrested.

One Bozo Now On Ice

Another day, another violation of coronavirus lockdown rules. This one comes from the International File in Augsburg, Germany, where Covid-19 rules there limit contact to members of the household plus one other person. With public gatherings limited also, our bozos decided to construct their own gathering place. An igloo. Yep, our bozos constructed an igloo in a public park. We can only assume things were going well until someone called the cops. Five bozos scattered when the police arrived. The least fleet footed one of them was captured and charged with breaching coronavirus lockdown rules.

Karma Is a Bitch, Bozo Dept.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lee County, Florida, where wannabe rapper Jonathan Hendricks needed to supplement his rap income by robbing a residence. So, he staked out the home and, when no one was there, he climbed in through a window. Or, should we say, attempted to climb in. He had just stuck his head in when the window unexpectedly slammed shut on him, leaving him trapped. According to the cops, they arrived to find him dead, dangling from the window by his neck. Services are pending.

The Cops Finally Found Something To Go On

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Funabashi City, Japan. Homebuilders reported that a toilet had been stolen overnight from a home that was under construction. Within days, another toilet was taken and the crappy thefts continued for three months, with a total of 18 toilets taken. Then, our thief made a crucial error. He sold a bowl to a second hand shop who reported the sale to the police. They were able to trace him from the receipt and our bozo, dubbed the “God of Toilets” by local media, was placed under arrest.

Take Him Home and Put Him In His Crate

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in this one from the International File in Canada’s Quebec province, which has seen a recent surge in Covid-19 cases. This led the province to implement a curfew from 8pm-5am. On of the few acceptable reasons to be out after curfew is to walk your dog. And it wasn’t long before a couple of bozos came up with a plan to get around the regulations. Police stopped a woman just after 9 on Saturday night walking her…husband. Yep, she had her husband on a leash and told the cops she was out walking her “dog.” We’re not sure just how much of a dog her husband is, but the cops weren’t buying this. They’ve both been fined $1212.

Should Have Put the Snow Chains On

Our bozo for today from Brampton, Ontario, Canada was foiled by a number of things, including Mother Nature. Our would-be porch pirate staked out a house with a nice looking package on the front porch. He wheels into the driveway and runs to grab the package only to be confronted by the homeowner, who was recording the whole thing. He makes a hasty retreat and tries to back out of the driveway. Unfortunately, he cut the wheels too sharply and his Toyota Yaris became stuck in a snowbank. Our bozo tries to push the car out of the bank to no avail. In the meantime, the homeowner had called the cops who showed up to bust our bozo before he ever got the car unstuck.