Monthly Archives: May 2024

It Really Wasn’t That Big Of a Deal

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Bozo criminal for today comes from Rock Rapids, Iowa. The cops pulled bozo Joel Garcia over after observing him driving “all over the road.” When asked for ID, our bozo presented a Minnesota ID card which contained some interesting information, most notably that he was 8 feet tall. When asked to step out of the car, only 5’8″ of him appeared. He’s been charged with narcotics possession, operating a vehicle while intoxicated, and providing cops with a false ID. Other than possibly having the worst case of short man syndrome ever, no other explanation was given for why his ID showed him to be 8 feet tall.

And the Turn Signal Stalk Was a Flat Head Screwdriver

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ken Landers for sending in today’s report from the International File in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada. RCMP Mounties noticed our bozo driving erratically and pulled him over. When they approached the man behind the wheel, they discovered he wasn’t behind the wheel at all. Because there wasn’t one. Only a steering column with a couple of vice grips attached to it. Bonus points for creativity, bozo. Unfortunately he wasn’t so creative when it came to his drivers license, as he didn’t have one. Busted! and also ordered to have the vehicle inspected for safety.

So, At What Point Does It Sound Like Fun To Go Kick a Bison?

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregory Lay for sending in today’s report from the Don’t Poke the Bear, er… Bison department. Yellowstone National Park rangers were called to a report of an injured man about seven miles east of the park’s entrance. Further investigation revealed that he had gotten into an altercation. With a bison. Yep, he was harassing a bison and kicked the critter in the leg. Bad idea. A little bison information for you…they weigh up to 2000 pounds, can run up to 30 miles per hour, are agile and can jump over objects five feet in height. And they can be aggressive. He was taken to the hospital and treated for undisclosed injuries. He’s been charged with being under the influence of alcohol, disorderly conduct, approaching wildlife and disturbing wildlife. All of which carry a fine of $5000 and six months in jail. And the bison? He’s fine.