Yearly Archives: 2013

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report form Bradenton, Florida, where bozo Charles Adams was well known around town for pulling pranks on people while taking video footage, which he would later post on YouTube. His latest prank apparently went too far. He went to a local movie theatre where he is accused of giving wedgies to strangers while recording their reactions. The problem? One of his victims didn’t see the humor in his stunt and decided to press charges. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where bozo Christopher Cook thought he had come up with the perfect crime. He would pose as a fire inspector and visit offices around the city allegedly to look for violations. While making his rounds, he would grab various items and simply walk out with them. At the Art Institue of Philadelphia he managed to swipe two laptops by concealing them under his coat, and only after he had left were the items were noticed as missing. So, what did he do to get caught, and, more importantly, qualify himself as a bozo? Before entering the office, he was required to sign in at the front desk. And, of course he signed in using his real name. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tallahassee, Florida, where bozo Lance Thompson walked into a convenience store armed with his weapon of choice, a cattle prod. He threatened the clerk with it and demanded cash. The clerk then reached under the counter and pulled his weapon of choice, a handgun. The clerk’s weapon won. Our bozo quickly saw the error of his ways and attempted to flee the scene. But as you might expect, a bozo carrying a cattle prod is pretty easy for the cops to spot. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Vichy, Missouri, where police officers were helping a stranded motorist when bozo David Ward pulled up next to them, revved the engine in his car and asked the cops if they wanted to race. Needless to say, this was not a good idea. He peeled out with the cops in hot pursuit and a chase ensued at speeds of up to 90 miles per hour before he was hemmed in and placed him under arrest. He’s been charged with DUI, resisting arrest, theft, and probation violations. Guess he won’t be pursuing a career in NASCAR any time soon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Windham, New Hampshire, where bozo Jonathan Walker got sleepy after an evening of drinking. And, not wanting to be a threat to himself or anyone else, he pulled over to sleep it off. It was where he pulled over that caused all the problems. In the Windham Police Department parking lot. Officers noticed the car parked in a restricted area with the motor running and upon further investigation found our bozo passed out in the front seat. He’s been charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Astoria, Oregon, where bozo Jacob Caldwell sideswiped a car after an evening of drinking. There were no witnesses and our bozo fled the scene. But he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. After he returned home, he posted on his Facebook page, “Drivin drunk…classic 😉 but to whoever’s vehicle I hit I am sorry.” His heart may have been in the right place for apologizing but that didn’t stop the cops from tracking him down and arresting him after one of the officers noticed the Facebook posting. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pontiac, Michigan where our unidentified bozo headed to his neighborhood McDonalds to pick up a meal. When he pulled up to the drive-thru window, a worker thought he looked awfully familiar. She was certain he was the same guy who had robbed the place there a couple of months back. She gave him his food and got a description of his car and the license number before calling the cops. Turns out she has a really good memory. Cops arrested him a few blocks away from the restaurant.

Our bozo for today from New York City comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. It seems our unidentified bozo found a iPhone in a NYC cab. When he started using a dating app on the phone, the owner of the phone was notified by email of the activity. So, he came up with the perfect plan to catch a lovesick bozo. He logged on to the site and offered the man a date, posing as a woman and including a picture of a beautiful girl. Of course our bozo took the bait and showed up at the appointed location with a bottle of wine. The phone’s owner greeted him with a hammer and a $20 bill-just in case. Our bozo handed him the phone without a word.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today’s report from the International File in Beaudesert, Australia. On New Year’s Eve, our bozos staked out a jewelry store to rob. They began their attempt at a break-in by throwing spark plugs at the window of the store. When that didn’t shatter the glass, they hatched a more elaborate plan. They would break into the store through the rear doors. And break in they did, but unfortunately it was into the rear of a nearby store, not the jewelry shop. Figuring they had to be close, they punched a hole in the wall of a bathroom and broke into…the Kentucky Fried Chicken next door. Thinking they better take what they could get, our bozos grabbed some cash and left. But not before employees got a good description of them. They were arrested a short time later.

Bozo criminals for today come from Naples, Florida, where two bozos walked into a hotel and demanded money from the clerk. They were given an unspecified amount of cash and, after they left, the clerk was preparing to call the cops when the front desk phone rang. On the other end of the line, the clerk could hear a conversation between two people discussing the robbery they had just committed. Yep, our bozos pocket dialed the front desk of the hotel they had just robbed. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Marathon, Florida, where police officers were called to the home of bozo Michael Calder after neighbors complained about the large number of cars coming and going from our bozo’s residence. The neighbors told the cops they suspected our bozo was dealing drugs, but the officers left when there was no answer at Calder’s door. However, our bozo was not one to leave well enough alone. Police received a second phone call about an hour later. This one was from our bozo himself, complaining about his neighbors taking pictures of the cars visiting his home. When asked why the cars were stopping at his residence, our bozo said simply that he had a lot of friends. It would appear they were more than friends, as the cops found several baggies of marijuana and scales for weighing the stuff inside his home. He’s busted!