Bozo criminal for today comes from Honolulu, Hawaii, where an unidentified bozo was scheduled to go to the courthouse to meet with his probation officer. We can only assume he brought along items he thought were essential…two 40-ounce bottles of beer and a duck. Security discovered the cargo and when he refused to hand over the bag, he was placed under arrest. The duck was taken to a safe house.
Bozo criminal for today from Longmont, Colorado, may have grounds for a “justifiable” bozo criminal action. Police were called to an apartment on a report of a domestic disturbance. Upon arrival, they learned that it was the victim’s birthday and she and her boyfriend had been “celebrating.” Apparently the celebration got out of hand when her boyfriend started serenading her with his version of the popular song “Thrift Shop.” She told the cops she asked him to stop singing the annoying song “25 times” before literally taking matters into her own hands. She grabbed him around the throat and began choking him while yelling at him to stop. While the cops were sympathetic, our bozo was arrested on charges of harassment and domestic violence.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Vero Beach, Florida, where the 911 operator received a very unusual call. It was from a 19 year old bozo who called to complain that he “didn’t like how his mom was talking to him.” After receiving a stern warning from the operator that the 911 line was not for complaining about one’s mother, our bozo ignored the advise and called back again to once again air his grievances. Bad idea. Cops were dispatched and our bozo was charged with abuse of 911.
Bozo criminals for today come from Riverton, Wyoming, where three bozos broke into a residence and stole several items, including a samurai sword. But their very un-ninja like escape plan led to their arrest. They failed to cover their tracks as they walked from the scene the crime back to their home nearby, leaving clear tracks in the snow for the cops to follow. Police found the stolen items, along with marijuana and drug paraphernalia in their possession. They’re busted!
Bozo criminals for today come from Medford, Oregon, where two unidentified bozos stole collectible coins, electronics and jewelry in a home break-in. As you might imagine, you can work up a powerful thirst doing such hard bozo work. And during the course of the crime, our bozos took a break, got some orange juice out of the refrigerator and enjoyed the refreshing beverage. Unfortunately they left the container sitting on the counter when they left. Cops were able to get DNA evidence from the carton, and it matched the two suspects in an FBI database. They’re busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Temecula, California, where bozo Jerimiah Harper stole a truck loaded with strawberries from a weigh station on I-15. He didn’t get very far before he collided with a couple of other vehicles, losing control of the truck and flipping it onto its side on the interstate. Our bozo then climbed into a van and demanded a ride, but the driver was having none of that and pulled him out of the vehicle, holding on to him until the cops arrived. It was then that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that he was being chased by zombies and really needed to get away. The cops obviously were not fans of the Walking Dead and placed him under arrest for DUI
Bozo criminal for today comes from Salt Lake City, Utah, where bozo Gordon Thompson was still upset about an arrest for DUI which occurred several months ago. So, he decided to go to the source of his problems to complain. Unfortunately, he considered the source of his problems to be a state trooper. And he showed up at the trooper’s house with a can of beer in his hand. Not the best way to register a complaint. He’s been charged with suspicion of witness tampering, trespassing, public intoxication and resisting arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Clinton Township, Michigan, where our unidentified bozo walked into a bank, set a cloth bag on the counter, stated that the bag contained a bomb and demanded cash from the teller. Thinking the bag looked like it could contain explosives, and, not wanting to take any chances, the teller gave our bozo an undisclosed amount of money. The bozo, described as being a heavy set woman of about 60 years of age, then fled, leaving the bag behind. The building was evacuated and a bomb squad was called in. After X-Raying the bag, it was discovered to contain…two cans of spaghetti sauce. Police are still looking for the suspect.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Boca Raton, Florida, where bozo Tyler Carpenter spotted a cell phone laying in a baby stroller and tried to steal it, along with the stroller. But he didn’t count on the firm grip the family’s 12 year old daughter had on the stroller. Quickly changing plans, he simply grabbed the phone out of the stroller and ran away, with the husband in hot pursuit. As the husband was gaining on him, our bozo jumped over some bushes and into a canal, but not before discarding the phone because he didn’t want to “damage it by getting it wet.” Sounds like a good escape plan except for one thing. Our bozo forgot he couldn’t swim. When he reached the deep water in the middle of the canal, he began to call for help. About that time, the police arrived, pulled him out and placed him under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Chester, Pennsylvania, where bozo Latrell Thompson parked her dad’s Lexus in a high-crime area and left to watch Fourth of July fireworks. When she returned, the car had been broken into and more than $116,000 worth of jewelry, an iPad and pricey sunglasses were missing. And our bozo even had the receipts to back up the value of the stolen items. Only one problem. The receipts for the jewelry were dated 2008 and 2009, and the jewelry store did not exist then, only having opened in 2011. Oops. She’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today from Redding, California, made a number of mistakes when he attempted to rob a grocery store. First, his wardrobe. He selected brightly colored patterned pajama pants and a jacket. Second, he initially forgot his disguise. Security cameras clearly show him walking up to the window of the store and peering in, only to return a few moments later with his face covered by a black stocking. And third, his attempt at breaking in lacked planning. He picked up a rock and hurled it at the window, but succeeded in only cracking it. Seeing that things weren’t going according to plan, he attempted to flee, only to trip and fall on a curb, not once but twice. Miraculously, he has so far avoided capture.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where bozo Michael Morrison took a cab ride and when he got to his destination he didn’t have the $8 fare. No problem, he told the cabbie, just wait here for a minute and I’ll be back with your money. The cabbie agreed after our bozo offered to leave his cell phone behind. When he returned, he still didn’t have the cash but instead handed the cabbie a baggie of marijuana. Unfortunately, the whole transaction was in full view of uniformed police officers who were nearby. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Hooksett, New Hampshire, where bozo Elizabeth Norton was in a quandary, so she did what any bozo would do, she called 911 for help. She told the operator she had a medical emergency, but when the officers arrived our bozo revealed all she really needed was help ordering food from a confusing Chinese restaurant menu. Maybe she should have just ordered pizza instead. She’s been charged with misuse of Emergency 911.
Bozo criminal for today comes from San Diego, California, where cops pulled over a motorcycle rider for not wearing a helmet. While this may not sound unusual, it was what he was wearing that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. Our unidentified easy rider was dressed up as a giant rabbit, right down to the giant head with the big floppy ears. Peter Cottontail told the cops he was headed to a charity event and wanted to have his costume on when he arrived. Perhaps feeling the spirit of the holiday, the cop only gave him a verbal warning and told him to be careful.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bradford, Pennsylvania, where police were called to a residence with a report of a shooting. When they arrived, they found bozo Alffed Marshall bleeding from a severe wound to his left hand. It was when they asked him what happened, that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told them he wanted to get rid of his wedding ring and decided to shoot it off. He didn’t succeed. While the finger was nearly severed, the ring was still attached. He’s been charged with disorderly conduct and reckless endangerment.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 008854: While making a list and sticking to it may be a good plan for some, it’s not always the best idea for bozos. From Weymouth, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Evan Drake who had his day pretty well planned out. His first order of business was to break into a residence. And that’s as far as he got as the cops noticed the suspicious activity and caught him inside stealing items from a UPS package. It was while they were questioning him that they discovered his “Goals for Friday” list which included: 1. Find crystal meth; 2. Get a gold watch; 3. Rob a dealer; 4. Sell the stolen drugs; 5. Get some cocaine; 6. Do one kind thing for a stranger. While the police appreciated item number 6, he was still placed under arrest and charge with breaking and entering.
Bozo criminal for today comers from Sparta, New Jersey, where bozo Christopher Brown was stopped at a red light and got a sudden urge to roll a marijuana blunt. He was hard at work stuffing the pot into a cigar and apparently didn’t notice the car next to him was a police car. The cops definitely noticed what he was doing. He was pulled over and busted.
Bozo criminal for today comes form Sherman Oaks, California, where our unidentified bozo had a perverted hobby. He liked to take “upskirt” videos where he peered up women’s skirts with his camera. Now, you might think he would try to use the smallest camera possible to try to accomplish this task. But, being a bozo, he decided to use the largest one he could get his hands on. He tried to use an iPad. Needless to say, he attracted quite a bit of attention in the pet shop in which he worked when he stopped to “pet” a customer’s dog and simultaneously tried to position his iPad on the floor to shoot up her skirt. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Salisbury, North Carolina, where bozo Dustin Slater was stopped by the cops at a traffic checkpoint. One of the officers noticed an overwhelming smell of freshly sprayed cologne coming from the car. And since our bozo didn’t look like a guy who would ordinarily wear that much cologne, he got a little suspicious. And with good reason. Upon further inspection, it was discovered that our bozo had apparently spritzed himself and the whole car to cover up the smell of marijuana that he had in his possession. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Lawrence, Indiana, where the cops pulled bozo Eric Watson over after they noticed him speeding. The officer detected the smell of marijuana coming from the car and when he asked our bozo about it, he denied having any. The cop decided to take a look anyway and, sure enough, found marijuana wrapped in brown cigar paper in the center console of the car. Our bozo continued to deny knowing the pot was there, even going so far as to say he would have smoked it if he had known it was there. He’s busted.