Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Pierce for sending in today’s report from Portland, Oregon. Officers tried to pull over our bozo on a report of a suspicious vehicle. Instead, our bozo fled, leading the cops on a chase that involved the tires getting spiked and the vehicle eventually ending up on the banks of the Willamette River. Ignoring orders to surrender, our bozo jumped in and attempted to swim to freedom. Somewhere between the bank and the shore, it occurred to him that this might not be the best idea and he turned back and swam to the officers, where he gave himself up. He’s been charged with theft of a vehicle and evading arrest.