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Today we have the first ever case of a bozo foiled by….window blinds! From Albuquerque, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Thomas Morton, who apparently had broken into Central New Mexico Community College. Police responding to a report of a burglary in progress arrived to find our bozo hopelessly entangled in some window blinds. It would seem he was trying to make his escape through a window when, somehow, he became caught in the window coverings. The cops freed him from the mean old blinds and placed him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Richard Boyle for sending in today’s report from the International File in Portsmouth, England. Bozo Michael Reed was on trial for assault and he was allowed to return home at night. The trial had drug on for some time and our bozo was feeling confident. So confident, in fact, that he posted on his Facebook that he thought he “was going to get away with it.” Bad idea. The messages were forwarded to the judge. Upon being confronted with this new “evidence” he promptly changed his plea to guilty.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brandon, Mississippi, where 22-year=old Roy Means walked into a convenience store, flashed a fake gun and demanded cash. As fate would have it, who should walk into the store at that very moment but his mother, who had come down to do some shopping. Mom saw what was going on, grabbed the fake gun and shoved her son out the door. She then tried to explain that her son was only “playing”, an excuse that the clerk refused to hear any of. The cops were called and our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bradenton, Florida where 20 year old Shakeem Fox wanted to go to jail. Really wanted to go to jail. Bad enough that he approached a deputy outside the Sheriff’s Office and told him to arrest him because he didn’t have any ID. When this didn’t work, our bozo hopped onto the hood of the patrol car and began jumping up and down, causing about $800 worth of damage. That did the trick. He’s behind bars.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Van Buren, Arkansas, where bozo Flora Burns was heading home from the grocery store when she crashed her car into the back of a truck. The damage was not significant enough to keep her from speeding away from the scene of the accident. The truck driver called 911 and investigating officers went to our bozos home to question her. When they asked her why she left the accident without waiting for police to arrive, she responded with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She told the cops she had just purchased some ice cream and didn’t want it to melt. Sorry, that’s not in the list of acceptable excuses. She’s been charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

Our bozo for today from the International File In Dusseldorf, Germany had it all planned out. He armed himself and covered his face before pulling off his robbery. He got away with cash, but was also recorded by security cameras. Should be no problem…he covered his face, right. That he did, but he forgot about what he was wearing. A unique t-shirt, one of only three of its kind sold in the German city. After the other two owners of the shirt were ruled out as suspects, our bozo confessed to the crime. He’s now wearing a standard issue jail shirt.

Bozo criminal for today from Salisbury, North Carolina, forgot Bozo Rule Number 22657: Drug dealers don’t usually offer a consumer help line. Our bozo was upset that the crack cocaine he had purchased from his dealer was of poor quality, so he did what any bozo would do. He called his dealer at 4 a.m. to complain. Or at least he thought he was calling his drug dealer. Instead he dialed the number of a Rowan County Sheriff’s Deputy. The deputy listened politely to our bozo’s complaints and then arranged to meet him in a parking lot to make things good. When our bozo stepped out of the car to go talk to the deputy, a rock of crack cocaine fell out of his pants. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brockton, Massachusetts, where bozo Manuel Garcia had a plan for breaking into the local Rent-A-Center. He went to the back of the store, where there was a large garage door for loading and unloading merchandise. Using a metal bed post, he pried the door up just enough to slither underneath. As you can probably understand, it’s difficult to pry and slither at the same time, and, while in the process of slithering, the bed post pry bar slipped and the door dropped on our bozo. He quickly found himself trapped, with his head pinned underneath the garage door. And that’s exactly how employees found him the next morning. After being treated for a bruise on his head, he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, where a truck driver called the cops to report that a man in another vehicle was exposing himself to him, driving in the lane beside him and slowing down and speeding up to keep up with the truck. It was after the cops tracked down the bozo in question that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He admitted that he was driving with his genitals exposed and his dome light on, but he had what he thought was a proper reason. He said he was doing some “manscaping” and had to be able to see what he was trimming. He didn’t offer any reason why the trim had to be done while driving down the Interstate. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Moultrie, Georgia. It seems a group of business ladies practicing the world’s oldest profession were looking to increase their business. So, they did the logical thing…they advertised. Our happy hookers had business cards printed up which they placed on windshields of cars in the Home Depot parking lot. Hey, go where the customers are! Unfortunately, they placed one of their cards on the windshield of an undercover cop’s vehicle, who gave the number on the card a call and a negotiated a deal. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Multnomah County, Oregon, where bozo James Turner was on probation for armed robbery. The terms of the probation required that he attend drug treatment, make a monthly court appearance and check in regularly with his probation officer. Such an arduous schedule quickly became too much for our bozo and he quit showing up. But he couldn’t leave well enough alone. He started taunting his parole officer, posting challenges on his Facebook page to “Catch me if you can” and calling himself “the 1 that got away.” It’s never a good idea to challenge a parole officer. He started following our bozo’s Facebook page closely and noticed in another post he mentioned “I’m in Alabama.” And when he posted a picture of his girlfriend’s pregnant belly, along with her sonogram he noticed the name of the hospital was shown clearly on the sonogram. Oops. He’s been tracked down and taken back to Oregon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Augustine, Florida, where Dunkin’ Donuts employee Carla Cooper was told to take a deposit to the local bank. When she dropped the bag off, she apparently realized she had also dropped off something else. She returned to the bank a short time later to ask if there were any “objects” inside the bag besides the cash. Unfortunately for her, bank employees had already found the “object”, 55 grams of marijuana, and had called the cops. After our bozo gave a positive result for marijuana in a field test she was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Gothenburg, Sweden, where our unidentified bozo had a little too much to drink and needed a ride home. Well, maybe she had a lot too much to drink, as, instead of calling a cab, she called the cops. And instead of just telling them she was drunk and didn’t want to drive, she told them she had committed a murder and wanted to turn herself in. Yep, that’s what she said. When the police arrived she admitted she was just trying to get a free ride home. She got a free ride all right. Straight to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Uxbridge, Massachusetts, where cops were called to a report of a disturbance on a local golf course. Upon arrival, they found a car stuck in the sand trap. When they questioned the driver, she came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She told them she had been driving on a highway when her GPS told her to turn left, which led her into a corn field. Following the GPS instructions, she drove through the field and onto the golf course, where she promptly became stuck in the sand trap. She told the cops she couldn’t understand what had happened and that she “didn’t even like golf.” After finding an open container of alcohol in the car, she was charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Port Charlotte, Florida, where bozo Ryan Sloan handed the clerk at a convenience store a fake $50 bill to pay for cigarettes and a drink. The clerk noticed the very poorly made bill was a fake and gave it back to our bozo. As fate would have it, a Charlotte County Sheriff’s Deputy was standing directly behind him in line and noticed what was going on. The deputy leaned over to our bozo and asked him if he had any more bills like that. Sure, our bozo replied and led the deputy to his car where he had several more counterfeit bills. Congratulations, Ryan, that’s about as close as you get to arresting yourself.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Vineland, New Jersey, where bozo Sharon Caldwell headed down to police headquarters, and not to report a crime. Instead, she carefully positioned herself in front of one of the building’s windows, and dropped her pants. Yep, she mooned the officer on duty and a woman who was waiting in the lobby. She was quickly placed under arrest.

We all know that being called for jury duty can be a frustrating experience, but our bozo for today completely overreacted. From Houston, Texas, comes the story of bozo Carla Connor who had just been released from jury duty when she felt the need to express her frustrations. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, she sent a text message to a co-worker saying, “Call the courthouse. Tell them there is a bomb…Pleeeese.” The co-worker took her seriously and the cops were called, the jury room cleared and the whole building searched for explosives with bomb-sniffing dogs. All this was before she sent a follow up text message saying she was “Just kidding.” The authorities didn’t see it that way. She’s under arrest.

Nothing criminal to report here, but a bozo for sure. From Livingston, Montana comes the story of a truck driver who may have hit something on Interstate 90. When he pulled into a truck stop, he noticed his fuel tank had sprung a leak. Instead of immediately getting it fixed, he took the bozo approach and slapped a piece of duct tape over the hole and crawled into his truck to go to sleep. Not the best idea. The tape didn’t hold, and truck stop employees noticed about 100 gallons of diesel fuel had leaked from the tractor trailer onto the ground. The cops were called and our bozo was issued a stern warning.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada, where police stopped a woman for driving 70 mph in a 30 mph zone. Now, this wouldn’t ordinarily qualify as a bozo offense, but the excuse she offered landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. She contested the ticket, claiming in court that the officer had “profiled” her, targeting her for arrest because she was a blonde. No dice, said the judge, ruling that the officer couldn’t possibly determine her hair color at 70 mph. And besides that, she was still going more than double the speed limit. Next case!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Newstead, New York. A homeowner there was awakened around 4:30 a.m. when he heard sounds of someone in his house. By the time he got dressed and went to investigate, he found our bozo had made himself at home, sleeping soundly on the couch. After several attempts to awaken him failed, the police were called. When our bozo finally did wake up, he gave the cops the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told them that he thought he was inside a friend’s house on Grand Island. Only problem, Grand Island is 20 miles west of Newstead. Maybe he should invest in a Garmin. He’s been charged with criminal trespass.