Monthly Archives: March 2026

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where the South Hills Village Mall was having its annual “Pictures with the Easter Bunny” event. According to the police report, our 36-year-old bozo approached the bunny and began asking personal questions, at which time bunny directed him to talk to her assistant. Apparently not satisfied with his query as to whether the bunny was a boy or girl, our bozo inappropriately touched the bunny costume and even shoved his fingers into the mouth of the poor rabbit’s head. When the cops questioned him about the alleged assault, he said, “It’s just a doll, right?” Nope. Busted! Charged with indecent assault and harrassment.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Anchorage, Alaska. Over the years we’ve reported on Bozos armed with various weapons, from pickles to burgers to the more conventional guns and knives. But today is our first ever case of a bozo robbing a bank with Jesus as a weapon. Bozo Dalton Jennings walked into an Anchorage Credit Union and handed the teller a note saying, “I have a weapon. And that weapon I am armed with is the power & authority of Jesus Christ. Empty the drawer into an envelope do not set off the alarm. Thank you.” The teller, not wanting to risk getting on Jesus’s bad side, emptied the till of cash and handed it to our bozo, who headed to the Costco across the street. And that’s were the cops arrested him, and when they noticed he was wearing an ankle monitor from a previous arrest. Busted! On the way to lock-up our bozo asked the officers if he would be getting any of his money back. Only if Jesus is on the defense team.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Prince George, British Columbia, Canada, where nothing much gets past the RCMP. Certainly not a guy driving a hot pink kids size Barbie Jeep down Fifteenth Avenue during morning rush hour. And you should know that, under Canadian law, anything powered by more than human muscle counts as a motor vehicle, including Barbie-mobiles. Turns out our bozo had a suspended license and was determined to be driving while impaired. No big surprise there. His plea that he was just “headed down to get a Slurpee” didn’t fly. Busted!! Charged with DUI and driving without a license.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Indian River County, Florida, where the sheriff’s department was throwing their annual BBQ fundraiser. Attendees were offered tours of the facility, SWAT and K-9 demonstrations and $7 a plate BBQ. To help serve the BBQ, the department utilized the help of several jail “trustees” including our bozo, who was serving time on drug possession charges. It would seem that a big plate of BBQ wasn’t all our bozo was offering up, as security cameras caught him leaving his post on the hot line and walking 50 yards to a group of port-a-potties. There he is alleged to have engaged in “an unauthorized conjugal visit (to hook up or have sexual intercourse)” with a woman who was identified as having been released from the county jail two months before. Hope he enjoyed his quickie. He’s been charged with “prisoner escape or attempted escape,” a second-degree felony punishable by up to 15 additional years in prison.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from the International File in Milan, Italy. It seems our bozo, a 44-year-old Slovak national had been on the run from Italian cops for 16 years on an outstanding warrant for a string of burglaries. He was living outside Italy and out of reach of the cops when he got this hankering to see the Slolvakian hockey team take part in this year’s Olympics. He barely had time to get himself checked into a guesthouse on the outskirts of Milan before the cops came knocking on his door. Busted! And headed back to prison to serve the 11 months remaining on his sentence. Maybe he can catch the games on Peacock.