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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Spokane Valley, Washington, comes the story of bozo Mike Haines who tried to break into a liquor store using a rock. When he couldn’t shatter the glass, he went to a nearby hardware store and purchased a hammer for $10.99. He then went back to the liquor store, broke the window with the hammer and stole an $8.99 bottle of wine. He’d already lost money on the deal before he was nabbed by the cops and charged with burglary.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Mount Lebanon, Pennsylvania, where bozo Nick Lucas mugged an elderly woman, snatching her purse. During the scuffle, our bozo dropped his cell phone, which police found at the scene of the crime. And on that cell phone was a text message he had sent to one of his friends just before the crime. The message said, "I’m ready to grab some old lady’s purse." He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Davenport, Iowa, where bozo Philip West contacted the cops to complain that he had been ripped off. When detectives arrived at his residence to investigate the report, they were surprised to find out the exact nature of his complaint. He told the cops that he had given two men $10 for a baggie of "grass". His complaint was that the baggie contained real grass and not marijuana as he had expected. He demanded that they be arrested. Instead, the cops placed him under arrest for conspiracy in the attempted purchase of an illegal substance.

Bozo criminal for today comes form Boston, Massachusetts, where bozo Robert Alexander spent several months in jail on robbery charges. It was after he got out that he did something that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He filed a lawsuit seeking $4000 a month in compensation for each month he was jailed. He claimed that being locked up prevented him from being gainfully employed. And since he was a career criminal, he must have been suing for those burglaries he was unable to commit while in jail. The judge denied his claim.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bialystokland, Poland, where bozo Darius Kowalski had been out drinking with friends. At the end of the night, he was not sure if he was over the limit or not. And since he couldn’t find a policeman nearby, he did what seemed to him to be the logical thing. He drove to the police station, went inside and asked for a breath test. Unfortunately for him, he flunked. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Adelaide, Australia, comes the story of an unidentified 16 year old bozo who broke a window and forced his way into a building. He had only just stepped inside when he found himself surrounded by police officers. Yep, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he had broken into the back entrance of the local police station. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Anselmo, California, where bozo Ron Kirkpatrick was due in court on auto theft charges. He made a number of mistakes this day. First, he brought his Yorkshire Terriers along with him and left them in the SUV while he was in court. This attracted the attention of several bystanders who, fearing for the dogs’ safety, contacted the cops. When they ran a check on the Lexus SUV’s license plate, they discovered it was stolen. Yep, our bozo, on trial for car theft, had driven a stolen car to court. You can add animal cruelty and another auto theft charge to his rap sheet. And that case he was on trial for…he was convicted of that, too.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Haig for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Hertfordshire, England comes the story of bozo Ellis Carpenter who robbed his victim on a commuter train, stealing the young man’s cell phone and some cash. When his victim said he could get by without the money, but couldn’t live without his cell phone, our bozo gave him his phone, an older model, in exchange. Bad idea. The cops were able to quickly track down our bozo through his home phone number and photographs on the handset. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Frisco, Texas. Bozo James Hathaway broke into and stole a pickup truck from a downtown parking lot. He had gone less than one hundred yards when he came to an intersection with an off-duty police officer directing traffic. Which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that the pickup he chose to steal belonged to the officer. When he saw his own truck headed his way, the officer signaled for our bozo to pull over. Instead, he slammed it into reverse and hit several other vehicles. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stuart, Florida, where bozo Sharon Lewis stole a $300 dress from a local shop. She must have really thought she looked good in it, because less than one week later she was back at the shop looking for another one. One problem…she wore the stolen dress when she returned to the shop. Employees recognized her and called the cops. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Boonville, Indiana, where bozo Jesse Gerard broke into a food co-op with big plans for stealing the anhydrous ammonia used for refrigeration. Unfortunately, during the break-in he accidentally hit the speed dial button on his phone. And even more unfortunately, the speed dial button he hit was for 911. The emergency operator could hear what was going on and, thinking something sounded suspicious, dispatched police to the scene where our bozo was caught in the act. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mt. Isa, Australia, where, after carefully studying today’s case, we can only ask, "Why?" About 11 o’clock Saturday night, bozo Stan Wilbanks stripped down to his underwear and put on his bike helmet, upon which he had attached a large number of firecrackers. He then lit the firecrackers and began running up and down the city’s main street. Police didn’t find his little parade particularly charming. He’s been arrested and charged with being a public nuisance and also with unlawful possession of fireworks. We’re just glad he didn’t try to put on his big finale…where he fired a Roman candle down his shorts.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Cliff Weixel for sending in today’s report. From Bismarck, North Dakota, comes the story of four teenage bozos who left the local Applebees without paying their $77 tab. Police didn’t have any trouble tracking them down, however. One of them had filled out the comment card and signed her name to it before walking out.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Milford, Connecticut, where bozo Charles Abbott was stopped by the cops for speeding, driving erratically and almost hitting a patrol car. The officer noticed our bozo had a teddy bear and flowers inside the car and asked him why he was in such a hurry. It was his answer that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops he was speeding because he was supposed to be meeting Beyonce Knowles on a nearby bridge. Awwww….Maybe she’ll come see him in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mesa, Florida, where bozo Scott Bates broke into a home and was rummaging around when he was surprised by the homeowner, a detention officer. The officer was quickly able to subdue our bozo and found that he had several knives, a large pry bar and other burglary tools in a bag he was carrying. Instead of simply fessing up, our bozo then offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the man he broke into his house because he needed to charge his cell phone. Sure. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Francisco, California, where bozo Darwin Perez used a cinder block to break a window of a liquor store. As you are no doubt aware, being a bozo is hot, exhausting work, which perhaps explains why our bozo decided to take a little break inside the liquor store’s walk-in beer cooler. And that’s where the cops found him, enjoying a refreshing beverage. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Reno, Nevada, where bozo Justin Taylor robbed a tourist at one of the local casinos, grabbing his fanny pack which contained cash and his cell phone. Not able to resist the temptation to try out the phone, our bozo called a relative. When the relative tried to call back a while later, he instead got the victim who had transferred his number to a new phone. When the victim asked him for our bozo’s name and address, he was more than happy to give it to him. Our bozo is under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Altoona, Pennsylvania, where bozo James Carpenter had a bet with his girlfriend that he wouldn’t wear a gorilla suit into a convenience store. He donned the suit around midnight the other night and as he left the store he was spotted by the cops who decided to see just what he was doing. It was after they ran a check on him that they discovered he was a wanted man, with a warrant out for his arrest on theft charges. Oops. Hope they took the suit off him before they took him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri, where bozo Daryl Dodds smashed the window of a vehicle, only to discover that he’d broken into an undercover police car. The smart thing to do at the time would have been to make as quick a getaway as possible. The bozo way is a little different. Our bozo reached inside the police vehicle, leaving behind a clear fingerprint for the cops. He then grabbed a bulletproof vest and a gun from inside and stashed them in the woods behind his home. When the cops ID’ed the fingerprint they called his home, where a relative told them she’d heard him tell someone on his cell phone that he hidden some stuff in the woods. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Vero Beach, Florida, comes the story of bozo Shawn Palmer who pulled up to the drive thru window at the local McDonalds and tried to pay for his food with marijuana. Yep, he tried to exchange pot for a couple of Big Macs. The cashier turned down his offer and called the cops who placed our bozo under arrest. Guess this gives a whole new meaning to "Happy Meal."