Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Schenato for sending in today’s report from Sarasota, Florida. It seems our bozo did extensive research online and located an active Iranian embassy contact form. So, did he try to negotiate a cease fire in the current war? Nope. Maybe try get both sides talking about a deescalation of hostilities? Nah. Offer his mother-in-law in exchange for two American hostages held overseas? Yep. But he wasn’t willing to do a straight up trade. He wanted the Iranians to sweeten the deal by throwing in a “$400-$600 gift card from Home Depot or somewhere similar.” Not sure how the word got back to US authorites but federal agents showed up at his door last week and his first words for them was “Have you heard back yet?” At this point our bozo has not been charged with a crime but we advise that he obtain a good divorce attorney as soon as possible.