Monthly Archives: April 2026

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chesterfield, South Carolina. Bozo Patrick Adams was booked into jail for allegedly trespassing at a church. After spending the night in lockup, the judge set his bail on the misdemeanor charge at $250. Our bozo asked to retrieve his backpack so he could take care of the bail. He proceeded to pull out a roll of cash, handing the judge $300 and telling him to “Keep the change.” That in itself is a bad idea but what followed caused him more problems. Noticing that the color of the bills seemed off, the judge flipped one of them over and noticed Chinese writing on the back. Oops. Back to jail. With additional charges of forgery and contempt of court.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bowling Green, Kentucky, where the cops found our intoxicated bozo slumped over the controls of his vehicle. Except in this case the vehicle was a horse. Yep in a scene right out of the old Lee Marvin movie Cat Ballou, the cops found bozo Jorge Garcia passed out upon his horse on a residential street, with a bag from the liquor store tied to the saddle horn. When questioned by the cops, he told them he was just trying to get home. After failing field sobriety tests, he was booked into the jail for the night. The horse was placed in protective custody.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Schenato for sending in today’s report from Sarasota, Florida. It seems our bozo did extensive research online and located an active Iranian embassy contact form. So, did he try to negotiate a cease fire in the current war? Nope. Maybe try get both sides talking about a deescalation of hostilities? Nah. Offer his mother-in-law in exchange for two American hostages held overseas? Yep. But he wasn’t willing to do a straight up trade. He wanted the Iranians to sweeten the deal by throwing in a “$400-$600 gift card from Home Depot or somewhere similar.” Not sure how the word got back to US authorites but federal agents showed up at his door last week and his first words for them was “Have you heard back yet?” At this point our bozo has not been charged with a crime but we advise that he obtain a good divorce attorney as soon as possible.