Yearly Archives: 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Culpeper, Virginia where the cops were called to a convenience store with a report of someone causing a disturbance. When they arrived, they found our bozo, intoxicated and raising a ruckus on horseback. And soon the chase was on, with cops in cruisers pursuing a drunken bozo on a horse. The chase didn’t last long as our bozo failed to see a utility pole guy wire, which knocked him off his horse and onto the ground, where he was promptly arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Palmyra, Missouri comes the story of bozo Jerry Baxter who had some drugs to sell, so he set up shop in the lobby of a local building. This in itself is a bad idea but it was made even worse by his choice of building to sell the illegal drugs in. He was hawking his wares in the lobby of the Marion County Jail. Needless to say, he’s been placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Masterton, New Zealand. Bozo Darryl Clark got a hold of some stolen checks and decided to try to cash a few of them. He was successful, buying over $150 worth of liquor and pocketing $900 in cash before his little spending spree came to an end. The cops caught up with him because, even though he knew the checks were stolen, he still wrote his name, address and phone number on the back of every check. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Bernardino, California where bozo Armando Garcia was on probation for car theft and burglary. And as part of his probation, he was fitted with a high tech Global Positioning System ankle bracelet that would help the cops keep track of his whereabouts. Guess he didn’t think it would also place him at the scene of the crime in the five armed robberies he pulled off. It did. He’s back in jail.

Bozo criminals for today come form Gainesville, Georgia where bozos Pamela Payne and Marc Baxter broke into an abandoned nursing home hoping to steal copper pipes and wiring. They were hard at work when they heard the sound of barking dogs. Lots of angry sounding barking dogs, heading in their direction. And following right behind those dogs, several police officers. Our bozos quickly surrendered. Guess they didn’t notice the sign out front stating that the former nursing home had been turned into a training facility for the Gainesville Police Department’s K-9 Unit.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Goochland, Virginia comes the story of bozo Thomas Lang who was missing his fourteen year old girlfriend while she took summer school. So, he hatched a bozo plan to get her out of class. He headed down to the school and told the administrators that he was a police officer conducting a drug investigation and he needed to talk to the young lady. A couple of things caused his plan to go awry. First, he didn’t bother to try to dress like a police officer and second, he looked his age, seventeen. The administrator called the cops and our bozo was charged with trespassing.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Len Ward for sending in today’s report. From Bowie County, Texas comes the story of bozo Charles Whitaker who panicked when the cops came to his house with a warrant to look for drugs. He let them in and as they were checking out the place, excused himself to go to the bathroom. He then tried to flush some pot and methamphetamines down the toilet. Which might have been a good idea except for one thing. The utility company had just shut off his water for failure to pay his bill. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today from Independence, Missouri proves this whole "You Tube" thing may be getting out of hand. It all started when an officer noticed our bozos drive by in a car with expired tags. When he tried to pull them over, they took off and the chase was on. It was then that the officer noticed another car following closely behind him, with the driver holding a video camera. It seems our bozos had purposely set up a car chase for the sole purpose of trying to get it on videotape. Bad idea. The driver was arrested for outstanding warrants and the amateur photographer was ticketed for reckless driving, with the tape confiscated for evidence.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona where bozo Charles Hampton robbed a bank but quickly found himself being pursued by the cops. At stressful times such as these, what a bozo really needs is a cigarette and, since our bozo was without any, he made a quick stop at a convenience store where he ran in and bought himself a pack. Hope he enjoyed the smokes. The quick pit stop slowed him down enough that the cops were able to catch up to him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Prescott, Arizona where bozo Terence Kennedy stole a woman’s purse and used the credit card inside to purchase some videos. The next day the victim went to the local video store to alert them that someone had been using her credit card to buy DVDs. And while she was there complaining to the manager, who should show up to try to exchange eight DVDs for cash but our bozo. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Palm Bay, Florida where bozo Joseph Saunders was walking down a road at 5 AM when a police car passed by. He flagged down the officer and asked him for a ride home. The cop said sure, but before he could get in he would have to pat him down. And that’s when our bozo’s troubles began. The officer found marijuana on him and our bozo blurted out that he had lots more of it growing at home. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Little Ferry, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Anthony Marzetta who attempted to break into a residence before being frightened away by the homeowner. Police were called and they discovered that in his haste to get away, our bozo had left his getaway car parked out front. The cops had the car towed and were completing their investigation when who should show back up looking for his car but our bozo. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Salt Lake City, Utah where bozo Jeff Harper stole a bag of golf clubs from outside the Mountain Dell Golf Course Clubhouse. The cops learned that, in addition to the clubs, there was also a $25 gift card to a local restaurant inside the bag. A quick check found that our bozo had used the gift card that very evening, treating himself to an $18 dollar meal. The staff was asked that, if he returned use the rest of the credit on the card, to please call. He did, two days later. The cops were there before his meal arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denton, Texas where bozo Paul Thompson tried to break into a residence. A homeowner alerted the cops and the chase was on. Our bozo, fleeing on foot, ducked into what looked like a good hiding place, a large drain pipe. Either it wasn’t large enough or he was too large…either was he quickly found himself stuck in the pipe. It took rescue crews 10 hours to get him out. Jail may look pretty good to him now.

Bozo criminal for today learned the hard way not to be a litterbug. From Leon County, Florida comes the story of an unidentified man who was cruising around in his pickup while enjoying a cold brewski. And when he finished, he did what most any bozo would do, he tossed the can out the window. Maybe he should have checked the mirror first. A deputy sheriff was driving right behind him and the can hit the deputy’s squad car. Oops. He was immediately arrested and charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida where bozo Dana Steiner had a little too much to drink and got involved in a quarrel outside a bar. The police arrived, began questioning him and after a couple of minutes told him he was free to go. And that’s when he went into Full Bozo Mode. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911, telling the operator he was surrounded by cops with their guns drawn and needed help. They helped him all right, into the back of the squad car.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona where bozo Charles Lane held up a local bank. He got some cash and fled. As he ran across the street, he dropped his wallet and some of the money, but was in too big of a hurry to stop and retrieve it. Bad idea. Several witness who saw him drop it told the police and gave them a good description. While the cops were still interviewing witnesses, guess who came wandering up? Yep, our bozo, looking for his wallet. He was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Monheim, Germany where an unidentified bozo was having car problems. He had a blowout late one evening while driving his girlfriend’s car. And, wouldn’t you know it, it had no spare. So, he called what he thought was the German equivalent of the AAA and told them his sad story. He said he was a little drunk, his license was expired and he had a flat tire…could they please come and help him. Which would have been a smart move except for one thing. Somehow he had dialed the wrong number and instead of the auto club he called the local police department. No matter. They were more than happy to come pick him up and take him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada where bozo Eric Snyder tried to use a counterfeit credit card at the local mall. When the clerk noticed something was wrong with the card, he asked our bozo to show his ID. When he did, the clerk noticed he was carrying a handful of other cards, all of which also appeared to be bogus. The quick thinking clerk grabbed the cards and called the cops. Our bozo left and went to a nearby police station to issue a complaint that the clerk had stolen his counterfeit credit cards. Bad idea. When the police discovered that the cards were indeed fake, our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Cheshire, Connecticut where bozos George Darby and Anthony Walker stole some cash and a laptop computer from a guest at a local hotel. The police were called and were soon in hot pursuit. To try to lose them, our bozos made a quick turn off the main road, hoping to find a shortcut. Maybe they should have invested in a map. The shortcut turned out to be the entrance to the Cheshire Police Department’s dead-end parking lot. Oops. They’re under arrest.