Yearly Archives: 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk C.F. O’Brien for sending in today’s report. From Syracuse, New York comes the story of bozo Morgan Watson who noticed his car was getting low on gas. It must have been running on fumes because our bozo pulled into the first station he came to, ignoring the fact that police had blocked off the station because of a disturbance. He drove over the curb and across the sidewalk, bypassing the police barricade and ignoring the officers’ flashing lights and sirens. He pulled up to the pump and began filling up his car, telling the approaching officers he couldn’t hear their sirens over his stereo. He never got to finish gassing up, as the officers discovered he had a suspended driver’s license and was carrying a loaded 45 caliber pistol under the seat. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today’s bozo from Manchester, New Hampshire. Bozo James Campbell came up with one of the all time unique bozo disguises. Using duct tape, he taped tree branches to his head and body and entered the local bank disguised as a tree. Not wanting to mess with someone dressed as an elm, the cashier handed over some cash to our bozo who then walked out of the building. Unfortunately, the tree disguise was not fully leafed out and security cameras got a good picture of his face through the branches. When the photo was shown on TV, the police received an anonymous tip identifying our bozo who was promptly pruned and placed under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Niagara Falls, New York comes the story of bozo Joel Haynes who walked into the local Walgreen’s and asked the cashier for a carton of cigarettes. The clerk requested an ID and our bozo handed over his driver’s license. While she entered his birth date into the register, a major nicotine urge must have kicked in as our bozo grabbed the carton and ran out of the store without paying. Unfortunately, he left his driver’s license behind. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from La Porte Indiana where bozo Michael Hardy broke into an auto parts shop by kicking a hole through a wall. A neighbor called the cops, who arrived to find our bozo half in and half out of the hole. And all that kicking must have really tired him out, as he was sound asleep when the cops found him. When they tried to awaken him, he told them to leave him alone, as he lived in the building. After our bozo was extracted from the hole he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa where three bozos encountered a number of problems in their quest to rob a pawn shop. The robbery itself went OK, with our bozos smashing a display case and getting away with several guns. Mistake number one was parking their getaway car a block and a half away from the store. And when they were seen running down the street wearing red bandannas over their faces and carrying armloads of guns, several witnesses called the cops. That’s mistake two. Mistake three was failing to account for one of the pawn shop employees who gave chase. And it was while they were being pursued that they encountered mistake number four. A large landscaping boulder which they crashed their getaway car into. Four mistakes equal one arrest for three bozos.

(Best of Bozo)From Glenwood Springs, Colorado comes the story of bozo Steven Harper who went into the air conditioned Wal-Mart store to get some relief from the heat. After doing a little shopping, he plopped down in a display chair to cool off. He promptly fell asleep and when associates had a tough time waking him up, the police were called. The cops did a quick check on his ID and, wouldn’t you know it, he was wanted on an outstanding warrant for contempt of court. He’s cooling his heels in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Hoboken, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Danny Clark who stole a credit card that had been left laying in a pile of clothes while the victim played a pickup game of street basketball. The card’s owner did a quick check to see where his card had been used recently and noticed several charges at a video game store nearby. When he went to check, the clerk confirmed our bozo had purchased an Xbox using the card. And to go with the game, he had also treated himself to a subscription to a video game magazine, which he paid for using the stolen card. And of course the magazine subscription contained his name and address. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kolkata, India where bozo Raju Gaji was jailed on charges of burglary and theft when he made his escape from prison. Police set off alarms and began to search for him, but for 24 hours where unable to track him down. Then, one of the guards heard the sound of loud snoring coming from the prison roof. Yep, it was our bozo, who had only made it as far as the top of the prison building before falling asleep. He’s back behind bars.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Hilton Head Island, South Carolina comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was trying to do the right thing, just on the wrong "person." He called the cops and told the officer on duty that he had just tried to perform CPR on a woman that was apparently dead. Officers rushed to the scene but didn’t see a body. When they asked our bozo where the dead woman was, he pointed to a large bale of pine straw. Yep, he had confused a straw bale with a woman. Deputies believe the man had been drinking.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Manila, the Philippines comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a house and stole a couple of cell phones. Screams from inside the residence alerted the local police patrol who gave chase after he was seen running from the house. After about 500 yards our bozo began to run out of steam. So he did what only a bozo would do. He made the "T" sign with his hands and asked for a time out. Sorry, no time outs in the police business. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Fort St. Lucie, Florida. Bozo Maurice Starnes was lost, so he pulled into a convenience store parking lot and walked inside. It was there that he spotted a police officer in uniform and he walked up and asked him for directions. Which would have been a fine idea except for one little thing. That marijuana joint he had tucked behind his ear. Officers also found a plastic baggie of pot in our bozo’s car. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cookeville, Tennessee where an unidentified bozo went to the local grocery store and stuffed a family pack of steaks down his pants. He walked out of the store without paying and, as store employees watched, placed the package of steaks underneath a car parked outside. He then ran to the south side of the building, took off his shirt and hat and ran all the way around the building, coming back out on the opposite side. Guess all of this running drained the blood from his brain, as he then jumped into his vehicle and drove off, leaving the steaks behind. Police are still looking for him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yakima, Washington where there had been a big problem with graffiti artists tagging buildings. When police arrested our unidentified 18 year old bozo on burglary charges, they found something interesting in the glove box of his car. A digital camera filled with images of our bozo in action…spray painting graffiti on buildings all over town. Case solved!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Beaverton, Oregon comes the story of dirt slingin’ bozos John Burns and his girlfriend Iris Barry who were having such a loud argument that their neighbors called the cops. When the police arrived, they could hear the fight going on and noticed it took them a long time to come to the door. Finally, the police were let in, and they found our bozo and his girlfriend covered in dirt. They also noticed a gurgling sound coming from the toilet. Upon further investigation, it was determined that during the course of the argument, our two bozos began throwing dirt from a potted plant at each other. And when the police arrived, they tried to flush the whole plant down the toilet. The reason? It was a large marijuana plant. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 09975: Never steal anything more dangerous than you are. From Bushnell, Florida comes the story of bozo Jonathan Levine who broke into a shed that had a sign on the door saying "Poisonous Snakes." Our bozo then proceeded to grab two rock rattlesnakes, a Honduran milk snake, a butter rat snake and a hognose snake. The snakes apparently didn’t want to be removed from their happy home as they proceeded to sink their fangs into our bozo’s hands and arms. Realizing his mistake, he got out of there and headed to a nearby WalMart to buy bandages. Suspicious employees called the cops. He’ll be placed under arrest as soon as he gets out of the hospital.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Selden, New York where the rising cost of gasoline got our unidentified bozo into trouble. He wanted to steal some gas from a car in a repair shop and instead of siphoning it he decided to go the power tools route. He used a cordless drill to try to bore into the gas tank. Bad idea. The drill ignited the gas, setting the car on fire. Three other cars in the shop were also destroyed before the fire was extinguished. Our bozo was uninjured and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stamford, Connecticut where bozo Sean Payne was among a group of teenagers loitering outside a building. Police suspected they might be dealing drugs and when they started checking IDs our bozo claimed he didn’t have one and gave them a false name, which he was unable to spell for the officers. Then, one of them noticed an unusual tattoo on his arm. It appeared to be a street address and when they ran a check on it they found it to be our bozo’s residence. They also found that there was an outstanding warrant for his arrest. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report. From Gulfport, Florida comes the story of bozo Michael Adams who made a call hoping to sell some drugs. He was undeterred when he got a wrong number and simply asked the unknown party at the other end of the line if they’d like to buy some marijuana or cocaine. Bad idea. The wrong number was for a Gulfport police department detective who set up the buy. Our bozo is now under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Hilton Head Island, South Carolina comes the story of bozo Issac Torrez who broke into an apartment, grabbing several items before an alert neighbor noticed what was going on and called the cops. Since he didn’t have a vehicle in which to make his getaway, our bozo did the only logical thing. He called his mother to come pick him up. She did, but they didn’t make it very far before the cops stopped him. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany where an unidentified bozo injured himself during an attempted break in, tearing off the tip of his finger and setting off the burglar alarm in the process. Security guards investigating the crime were shocked to see our bozo return to the scene of the crime…to try to retrieve his severed finger and to ask someone to call an ambulance. After receiving medical treatment, he was placed under arrest.