Yearly Archives: 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlotte County, Florida where bozo Keith Jarman stopped a couple inside a Wal Mart and asked them if they’d like to buy a $600 TV for $375. When they told him they weren’t interested, he wrote down his name, address and phone number and gave it to them, just in case they changed their mind. He also told them the set was in the trunk of his car and he could drop it off for them anytime. After telling Wal Mart employees what had happened, they learned a TV had been stolen from the store. The cops were called, they called our bozo’s number and set up a time to pick up the TV and place him under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albertvile, Alabama where bozo Nestor Gonzalez broke into a jewelry store. In the process, he shattered the front window and ended up with several bad cuts. When the police arrived, they found a trail of blood leading away from the scene. The officers could probably have just followed the trail directly to his home, but they didn’t have to do that. As they were investigating, an urgent call went out to 911. It was our bozo, calling to ask exactly how bad a crime it was to break into a jewelry store, even if you didn’t get away with anything. He went on to tell the operator that he needed an ambulance as he was bleeding badly. He was stitched up and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 43769: Always dress in proper clothing for the crime. From Des Moines, Iowa comes the story of bozo Matthew Tyler who held up the local Walgreen’s while dressed as a woman. The costume was fine for the robbery, but not the best for making his getaway. When a police officer gave chase, our bozo took off, only to have his pantyhose get caught in a chicken wire fence. This wardrobe malfunction slowed him down enough for the officer to place him under arrest, but not before he had to dodge a size 10 red high heeled shoe that was thrown his way.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Mountain Home, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Phillip Randall who wasn’t happy with the service at the Ramada Inn. After checking in at 1 AM, he abruptly decided to check back out and the clerk at the front desk refused to give him a refund. So, our bozo called the police to complain, which might have been the logical thing to do except for a couple of things. When the police arrived to talk to him, they discovered he had an outstanding warrant for a charge of delivering marijuana. And in his car, they found more than five ounces of weed. He’s now getting free room and board at the county jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil where bozo Russell Carlton was involved in a dispute with a former business associate over a failed investment. The situation deteriorated until the two got into a big fight with our bozo attempting to throw the other man out of a sixth floor window. He managed to escape and called the cops. When the police went over to talk to our bozo they discovered something interesting on his laptop. A detailed eleven step plan for killing his former friend. He forgot the twelfth step: Erase plan from computer. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Texarkana, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Malachi Brown who was stopped by the cops after they saw him driving a school bus in his apartment parking lot. Which might not have seemed so strange except for the time…2:30 AM. Our bozo told the cops he had stolen the bus and taken it for a ride just "for fun." His fun is over. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Woodingdean, England comes the story of Bozo Terence North who was in the process of breaking into a house when a passing police patrol car spotted him. In his haste, he somehow locked himself inside the house he was trying to break into, forcing the cops to smash a window to get inside to arrest him. But, his problems didn’t end there. In all the confusion, our bozo dropped his keys on the floor. They were found the next day and turned in to the cops, who then went to our bozo’s residence to find it stuffed full of other stolen goods. He’s been sentenced to two years in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Beaverton, Oregon comes the story of bozo Kevin Francis who broke into a car and stole a woman’s purse. Investigating officers discovered that our bozo had made several purchases with the woman’s credit card. And one of those purchases was for an item that had to be special ordered…axels for his Honda. The dealership called him when they came in and the cops were waiting when he came by to pick them up. Busted!

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Andrew Conrad escaped from state prison on Monday. On Wednesday, he began to get a little bored so he went out for a little jog around the bayou near the jail. Bad idea. The police chief of the nearby University of Houston spotted our bozo and thought he looked a lot like the guy who had just escaped. So, he asked him if he was Andrew Conrad. When our bozo replied that he was, the chief told him who he was and placed him under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Beersheba, Israel where an unidentified bozo stole a washing machine from a residence and offered it up for sale on a street corner. He attracted the attention of a police officer who noticed something wasn’t quite right. Our bozo had failed to remove a wet load of clothes from inside the machine. Oops. Police were able to track down the machine’s owner and our bozo’s career as a thief was all washed up.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Wasilla, Alaska comes the story of bozo Gary O’Reilly who broke into a home and stole a couple of guns, some food and alcohol. Then he decided to load his loot into the car in the garage and make his getaway. He got it loaded, but in the process he may also have gotten himself loaded, as before he could back out of the garage, he fell asleep at the wheel. The homeowner returned, found him and called the cops, who awakened and arrested our bozo.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Ocean City, Maryland comes the story of bozo Michael Anders who walked into a convenience store to buy some snacks. Unfortunately, he only had a dollar and the total was a couple of bucks more than that. So, he handed the clerk the dollar along with a small baggie of pot in exchange. The clerk informed him that 7-Eleven didn’t accept marijuana as payment. Our bozo stormed out, breaking a bottle on his way. The cops were called, he was found hiding nearby and arrested.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today may not have been a good thief, but at least he had class. From the International File in Bucharest, Romania comes the story of an unidentified 16 year old bozo who broke into a residence but could find nothing he wanted to steal. Then, realizing that he was behind on his piano practice, he sat down at the home’s piano and began to play. Neighbors heard the sounds and called the cops. Our bozo was still playing when the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Whitehall, Ohio where police went to a motel during the early morning hours to arrest a man accused of domestic violence. As they knocked on his door, our bozo, who was in the adjacent room, climbed out the back window and into the arms of officers stationed outside. It turns out that our bozo was a suspect in a shooting in Indiana and, of course, when he saw the cops, he thought they were coming for him. They weren’t but they’ve got him now.

Bozo criminals for today come from Hilton Head Island, South Carolina where two bozos robbed some tourists at the beach, getting away with purses, wallets and a couple of cell phones. Guess our bozos must really like the water, since their victims spotted them next day lounging around their hotel’s swimming pool. The cops were called, most of the stolen items were recovered and our bozos were arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yonkers, New York where bozo Frankie Trejo broke into a truck and stole several items. When the owner of the vehicle returned to her car, she called the cops to report the break-in. Police were on the scene interviewing the victim when who should walk by but our bozo…carrying the knapsack he had taken from the vehicle. The owner spotted him, recognized the knapsack and our bozo was quickly arrested.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0987: Don’t celebrate your heist too early. From the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who snatched a woman’s handbag and ran off down the street. The woman gave chase but lost him and was headed to the police station to report the theft when she saw him standing between two parked cars, going through her purse and counting the money. When our bozo saw her, he tried to run, but a couple of bystanders grabbed him and held on until the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri where bozo John Russell walked into a convenience store and told the cashier to give him all the money. Since the cashier was inside a secure booth, he thought our bozo was joking and told him to leave. That’s when our bozo grabbed a 12 pack of soda and tried to smash the booth’s glass, but succeeded only in smashing the sodas. He then picked up a metal newspaper stand and tried again with no luck. At this time, the cashier remotely locked the store’s doors and called the cops. Our bozo then tried to use the newspaper stand on the doors but found they wouldn’t break, either. Knowing his luck had run out, our bozo grabbed a donut and sat down to wait for the cops. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Clackamas County, Oregon comes the story of bozo Michael Olson who violated Bozo Rule Number 4678: When you’re a wanted man, it’s best to keep a low profile. Our bozo was in his car at an intersection when a sheriff’s deputy pulled up beside him. Seeing the officer, he grabbed his hat and tried to use it to conceal his face. This rather suspicious maneuver inspired the deputy to do a quick license plate check and, sure enough, the vehicle turned up as stolen. After a brief chase our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Netherton, England where bozo Christopher Carlton broke into the local Rolls Royce dealership and grabbed several of the company’s computers. And since he was in a Rolls dealership, he took one of their expensive cars for his getaway, right? Wrong. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he chose as his getaway vehicle a large forklift. Not surprisingly, that attracted the attention of the police and our bozo was quickly apprehended.