Monthly Archives: June 2025

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Only in Texas file. Our bozo was involved in an accident with a semitruck on the very busy I-45 near downtown Houston. We’re not sure of all the details, but after the accident the 64-year-old woman apparently exited her car with a gun and a folding chair. She then planted her chair right in the middle of the southbound lanes of the busy freeway, refusing to budge even as traffic whizzed by her. Police quickly shut down both northbound and southbound lanes of the freeway while negotiations ensued. After five hours she folded up her chair and was taken into custody. She’s been taken to a hospital for further evaluation.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Buffalo, New York. Bozo Ronald Nations had his rental truck loaded with 78 pounds of marijuana and was using his phone’s maps for guidance when he was instructed to turn left onto the Peace Bridge. As you may be aware, the Peace Bridge is a major US/Canada border crossing. Seeing the error of his ways, our bozo attempted to turn around and return to the US. Bad idea. His actions attracted the attention of the border guards who did a quick inspection and found the $230,000 worth of pot. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Coweta County, Georgia, where bozo Aleena Simpson was getting anxious about the $400 in probation fees she owed to the county court. After thinking through her options, she came up with a bozo solution: Steal debit card information from a customer who came through the drive-thru she worked at the local Whataburger. What could go wrong with that? A lot, apparently. The customer noticed the $400 charge and contacted authorities. Using the court information, the cops tracked down our bozo and the victim picked her out of a lineup as the worker who took his card payment and then disappeared for a couple of minutes. Busted! But the story doesn’t end there. She’s a little more clever than expected. After agreeing to turn herself in, our bozo disappeared. Attempts are still being made to track her down.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yavapai County, Arizona, where the cops received a call about a possible DUI driver. While looking for the suspect an officer encountered a car that had run off the roadway, striking a guardrail and was blocking traffic. Yep, we’ve found our bozo. As the officer approached, he noticed the driver in a bit of distress. Further investigation found his finger stuck in a can of White Claw hard seltzer. And his response when asked how he was doing? “Totally perfect.” Well probably not. Busted! And charged with DUI and criminal damage against public works.