Yearly Archives: 2026

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ken Landers for sending in today’s report from the International File in Flin Flon, Manitoba, Canada. Residents of Flin Flon were understandably excited about the creation of the Snow Lodge, built almost entirely of ice and snow, and designed for hosting dinners, concerts and other events. One of the only parts of the structure not made of snow or ice was the front door, a piece of plywood painted white. Now, if you were a bozo living in Flin Flon and looking for something to steal, what would you grab? That plywood front door, of course. Witnesses reported someone driving a Ford Bronco removed said door and made off with it. Fortunately, the RCMP, acting on tips from the public, sprang into action and recovered the door, and a second unrelated door, from a nearby residence. In the interim, a temporary door had been installed but city officials say they will save the door and plan to use it on an even bigger and better Snow Palace next year. At last report, the RCMP was still searching for our bozo door thief, who was not at home when the stolen door was recovered.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kissimmee, Florida where cops were called to the Windsor Hills Resort on a report of a disturbance. When they arrived, there was no longer a disturbance going on but residents showed the officers cell phone videos that were certainly disturbing. According to the police report the video showed our bozo engaged in “intimate contact with a vacuum cleaner.” Yep, a vacuum cleaner. Further investigation revealed the identity of “Mr. Hoover” and it seems he has been accused of several other acts of public lewdness in the past. Busted! Charged with indecent exposure. Lawyers are now lining up to represent the vacuum cleaner.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado, where bozo Charles Moreno allegedly attempted a hold-up at the US Bank. He handed the teller a note and got away with an undetermined amount of cash. He was caught on security cameras and those photos, shared by police, led to his identification and arrest. So, what makes this bozo-worthy? Apparently in 2018, this same bozo wrote an autobiograpny, “The Life of an Outlaw”, which detailed his previous bank heists, arrest, and time served in prison. He’s headed back inside. Charged with bank robbery, a federal offense, punishable by up to 20 years in prison.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Pinellas, Park, Florida. Bozo Damon Hill was spotted trying to re-create a scene from the movie Titanic while doing 105 mph. The cops reported our bozo was flying down U.S. Highway 19 with his arms outstretched “like Jack from the Titanic.” He was pulled over and was one of the first recipients of charges under the new Florida Super Speeder Law which imposes more severe charges on drivers doing in excess of 100 mph. Li’l Jack Junior has been charged with reckless driving and dangerous excessive speeding.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Linville, Louisiana. Cops were called to a report of a naked woman standing in the driveway of a residence. By the time they arrived our 41-year-old bozo had decided to go skinny dipping in a nearby pond. She refused several requests to exit the pond, saying she was “trying to be a mermaid.” After a while, the cold temperatures got to her and she was given a blanket and invited to step into a nearby residence to warm up. That’s when the fun really began. She charged the deputy, who tased her to no effect. Using her super mermaid strength she put up quite a fight before finally being restrained. On the way to be checked out she threatened to kill the deputies and the paramedics. Ariel won’t be going swimming again anytime soon. She’s been charged with three counts of resisting an officer with force or violence, two counts of public intimidation, two counts of battery of a police officer, disturbing the peace/drunkenness, and criminal trespassing.

We start the new year off with one of the stranger bozo stories to come down the pike in a while. From Hanover, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Chrystal Hampton, who walked into the Royal Farms convenience store with one thing on her mind. First, we should tell you that Royal Farms has a big refrigerated cooler with glass walls called the Beer Cave. It was in said Beer Cave that our bozo decided to do her business. Surveillance footage shows her pushing a few cases of beer around, dropping her pants and pooping on the shelves of the cave. After doing her duty she pulled up her pants and left the premises. Imagine the surprise awaiting the next person coming in for a case of their favorite beverage (maybe Schlitz?) She’s been charged with open lewdness, scattering rubbish, and criminal mischief.