Just Because It Works for Santa Doesn’t Mean It’ll Work For You
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where police received a strange call concerning a disturbance at Rockwell Park. It seems the doors to the restrooms in the park’s pavilion automatically lock at 10pm, which usually doesn’t cause any problem since the doors can be opened from the inside should someone get locked in. However, the someone who got locked in this time was a park visitor’s dog. We’re not sure what he was doing in the restroom but we do know his owner was very upset. Upset enough that the climbed up on the roof and tried to slither down the chimney to rescue him. You probably know where this is going…He didn’t make it very far before he found himself stuck. Stuck tight enough that the fire department rescue team had to dismantle parts of the chimney and building to get him out. Our bozo dog rescuer, who was not injured, was arrested and charged with burglary, trespassing and criminal mischief. One bright spot. The dog is fine.
“Chuck E, You’re Going With Me”
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Tallahassee, Florida. Police were working a case of credit card theft where the victim said fraudulent charges started showing up on her card after a trip to Chuck E. Cheese in June. Using video evidence, cops were able to identify the potential thief and headed to the restaurant to confront him. And that’s when things got really interesting. The officer asked someone working the front door at Chuck’s if they could point our bozo out to him. “Right over there,” she said, pointing at Chuck E. Cheese himself. Yep, that was our bozo, wearing the mouse outfit. He was placed under arrest, handcuffed and marched to the patrol car while still wearing his full costume. He’s being served cheese and crackers in jail.
Wait…Didn’t This Same Thing Happen On General Hospital?
They’re Just Twerkin’ Fools
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Richmond Heights, Ohio. It seems two women, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, decided it would be fun to climb aboard an unoccupied police car and do a little twerking. Harmless fun, right? And no one’s around, so who’s going to know? Well the answer is no to the first question and everyone to the second. What our bozos forgot is that most police cars come equipped with dashboard cameras that record motion around the car. The cops were able to send to very clear facial shots from the video to a place that utilizes a facial recognition software called Clearview AI. The software accesses social media accounts and other databases to confirm identities. Busted! Arrest warrants issued for damaging police property.
Hitchin’ a Ride
I’m Sittin’ Here and I Ain’t Moving Until I Hear From Your Insurance
Arrest Straight Ahead On Your Right
The Full Meal Deal Doesn’t Include Paying Your Court Costs
Caught With His Finger in the Cookie Jar…Er, White Claw Can
Bozo criminal for today comes from Yavapai County, Arizona, where the cops received a call about a possible DUI driver. While looking for the suspect an officer encountered a car that had run off the roadway, striking a guardrail and was blocking traffic. Yep, we’ve found our bozo. As the officer approached, he noticed the driver in a bit of distress. Further investigation found his finger stuck in a can of White Claw hard seltzer. And his response when asked how he was doing? “Totally perfect.” Well probably not. Busted! And charged with DUI and criminal damage against public works.
Next Time Try Milk
Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 909092: Stay away from those flaming hot chips if you’re on probation. It seems Bozo Darren Dotson, whose probation forbade consumption of alcohol, decided to enter the “Hot Chip Challenge” a contest where you see just how incendiary a chip you can consume. Apparently this challenge, which took place in a bar, was videoed and our bozo was seen taking a swig from a Corona after a particularly hot chip. Sorry, pal, you should have stuck with water. His probation officer was reviewing social media and spotted our bozo drinking the beer, which, along with being in a bar, was prohibited under the rules of his probation. Busted! Our bozo, who has previous convictions for dealing in stolen property; cocaine sales; grand theft; credit card fraud; heroin possession; cocaine possession; theft; burglary; and violating a domestic violence protection order is headed back to jail.
I Always Knew Morris Was a Little Sketchy
A Misfire of Epic Proportions
Well, Sir, Actually You More Closely Resemble Tiny Tim
Turn Off the Waterworks!
Our bozo for today comes from the Internet Division. You may be familiar with the Only Fans site where many varieties of fantasies come true. Unfortunately for our bozo for today, trying to fulfill some of those fantasies caused her to fall into the long arms of the law. It seems our bozo, who goes by the name of “Kinki Kelli” on the site specializes in pee. Yep. And specifically peeing in public places. Her latest pee spree found her at the Marriott hotel in Keene, New Hampshire, where she sprayed the hotel’s room air conditioner unit, a comforter blanket, curtains and, gasp!, a bible. And since she posted her pee pix on her Only Fans site it wasn’t too difficult for the cops to track her down. She’s apparently a veteran at the art of peeing, too, as other pictures showed her doing the deed in a grocery store and a department store. Busted! On felony and misdemeanor charges.
One Thing’s For Sure, He Didn’t Have a Concealed Weapon.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where once again we have a bozo who has somehow managed to misplace his clothes. Police were called to a report of a disturbance at a local hotel at around 2:40 am. Didn’t take much investigation on this one, as when the cops arrived bozo Michael Thompson was standing naked near the front desk. Perhaps not wanting to place himself in a vulnerable position, our bozo refused a command to kneel and be handcuffed. The taser was brought out and he was taken into custody. Hotel employees said he was fully clothed when he burst in, before stripping down and demanding money. He’s been charged with first degree robbery.
A Fork Would Have Done Even More Damage
Bozo criminal for today comes from Monroe, Louisiana, where the cops were called to a residence on a report of domestic battery. Upon arrival, the cops found our victim, the wife, with food splattered on her and a lump on the back of her head. She testified that her husband of 34 years, the bozo, had thrown the food and a metal spoon during an argument with the spoon causing the lump on her head. Pretty simple case. Our bozo was being read his rights and handcuffed when he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He stated that, in Louisiana, it was not illegal to throw food items at your wife. Excuse denied. Busted! And sent to jail on charges of domestic abuse battery.
Both the Tesla and Our Bozo Are Now Fully Charged
Another week, and another story about a bozo and a Tesla…are we starting to see a pattern here? Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Tampa, Florida, where bozo Dexter Hayes went to the local Tesla dealership to test drive a Cybertruck. After filling out the paperwork and giving them his drivers license, our bozo took the truck for a spin. And never came back. Repeated phone calls and emails got no response but the truck’s geolocation tracking enabled the sales person to track him down. He was inside Home Depot with the truck left in the parking lot. The salesperson recovered the truck and reported the incident to the police. End of story, right? Wrong. The next day our bozo returned to the dealership, irate, and wanting to get back his belongings that he left behind in the truck. The cops were called and, while searching our bozo, they found five credit/bank cards in the name of five different people. Busted! Charged with grand theft of more than $100,000 and unlawful possession of personal identification.
Well, He Wouldn’t Drive All That Way and Not Get In His Workout
They Got Him, But Where’s the Hamburglar?
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- …
- 282
- Go to the next page