Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tulsa, Oklahoma, where an unidentified 17-year-old bozo walked into a convenience store, pulled a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk took a good, hard look at the weapon and determined that it was, in fact, a BB gun. Realizing his life was not in danger, he told the bozo to forget it and get out of the store. Our bozo repeated his demands for cash several more times, only to receive the same stern rejection each time. Finally, realizing that it was futile, our bozo fled, right? Wrong. Instead he walked to the back of the store where he sat down and waited for the cops to come and arrest him, which they did.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from Scranton, Pennsylvania, where bozo Donald Adams was in the doghouse with his wife and thought a nice piece of jewelry might be just the ticket to get out. But, being a bozo, it was his approach to acquiring that jewelry that caused all the problems. On Thanksgiving, he dropped by his ex-girlfriend’s home to drop off a check and while there allegedly snatched her engagement ring. He then presented the ring to his wife as a present to patch up the relationship. Which might have worked out out except several guests at the Thanksgiving dinner reported seeing our bozo palm the ring before he left. He’s been charged with theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from Springtown, Texas, where our unfortunate bozo picked the wrong house to rob. After breaking in, he was confronted by the homeowner and his son, both pointing weapons at him. Quickly seeing the error of his ways, he took refuge in his pickup truck, which was parked out front. Once inside, he did what any bozo would do in a similar situation. He called 911 for help. And that wasn’t the only call they received. At the same time, the homeowner’s wife called, saying, “You better come quick or my husband’s going to shoot him.” Police arrived before any further violence occurred and our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Old Orchard Beach, Maine, where our unidentified bozo paid a visit to a local lady of the evening. It seems his visit wasn’t entirely satisfactory. Indeed it was unsatisfactory enough that he called to complain to the cops that she had “shorted him by 10 minutes.” Guess he didn’t realize that both prostitution and partaking of the services of a prostitute are illegal in Maine. H’es been charged with engaging a prostitute.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where our bozo walked into a currency exchange, flashed a gun and demanded money. When the clerk didn’t respond to his demands, he then proceeded to strike her with his weapon. Fortunately for the clerk and unfortunately for our bozo, his weapon was a fake plastic pistol which fell to pieces upon impact. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wister, Oklahoma, where bozo Keith Wilson likes to take his covered wagon out for a little ride from time to time. He hitches a couple of mules to it and occasionally treats himself to a little liquid refreshment as well. When police noticed him driving erratically, he allegedly rammed the patrol car with his wagon. It was when officers questioned him about the incident that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He blamed the mules. He said the officers got too close and spooked the critters. Didn’t work. He’s been charged with public intoxication and assault and battery on a patrol car.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Little Rock, Arkansas, where the cops spotted bozo Robert Lane unloading hams from a refrigerated truck into a 1996 Ford SUV in an empty parking lot. Upon questioning, our bozo offered up the Bozo Excuse that the refrigeration unit in the truck was failing and they were moving the hams to a cold storage facility until the problem could be fixed. Which might have been a good plan except he could provide no paperwork for a bill of loading. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Kuras for sending in today’s report from Jackson Michigan. Police were called to a report of a man carrying what appeared to be marijuana plants down the sidewalk near a busy street. When the police arrived, there was no man and no plants to be seen. But what was to be seen was a trail of dirt on the sidewalk. And of course it let straight to a home where the officers found the three marijuana plants. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from St. Louis, Missouri. It seems our three bozos went over to a friend’s house to watch a football game and when they arrived, his 55-inch TV was just too much to resist. They pulled out handguns and announced a robbery. The victim gave up his credit cards and cash, but it was his TV that ultimately proved to be our bozo’s undoing. They loaded the big TV into their hatchback, but couldn’t close the rear door. Needless to say, three bozos driving down the Interstate with a 55-inch TV hanging out of the back of a hatchback attracted a little attention. The cops caught up with them when they were stuck in traffic at the entrance to a bridge. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio, where bozo Susan Martin was driving by a residence when she “wanted something to do.” So, she did what any bozo with a cleaning obsession would do. She stopped her car, broke into the house, washed some dishes, took out the trash, vacuumed and dusted the furniture. Perhaps things would have been OK except for one little thing. She left a bill for $75 for the cleanup with her home phone number on it. She explained to the cops that she owns a cleaning service and sometimes breaks into houses to tidy up. She’s been sentenced to probation and community service.

Bozo criminal for today from the International File in Moscow, Russia, apparently took a different approach to taking advantage of Black Friday specials. He hid inside a false ceiling at an electronics store for a full day before slipping down during the night to steal $4200 worth of merchandise. Well, he almost stole it. Apparently, he planned the “stealing” part pretty well. It was the “getaway” that tripped him up. After grabbing his loot, he climbed back into his hiding place in the ceiling. And unfortunately he was still there the next day when the store re-opened and the employees noticed the items were missing. The cops were called and our bozo burglar was quickly found and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Land O’ Lakes, Florida, where police officers questioned bozo Ray Clark about a alleged bike theft. During the interrogation, our bozo ran away as the officer was calling for backup and climbed up a nearby 30-foot tree. And there he stayed. For 11 hours. But unlike the neighborhood cat, he finally decided to come down on his own. And when he did he was promptly arrested and charged with robbery, resisting arrest and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Crawford, Georgia, where a 17-year-old bozo entered the local Wal-Mart and filled his shopping cart up with toys. He then headed for the exits, and, waiting until the door greeters were occupied, attempted to wheel the loot outside. However, security personnel spotted him and alerted the cops. It was when the police were questioning him that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He said he wanted his girlfriends three kids to have a nice Christmas and was going to place the items on layaway and had just taken the items out side so that “no one would mess with them.” He also said he was going back inside to buy himself a drink. Unfortunately, according to the cops, he onlly had 18 cents on his person. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cincinnati, Ohio, where bozo Damaine Moore was in court on charges of selling marijuana. The judge, obviously in a generous mood, made a unique offer to our bozo. Stay out of prison if he’d only promise to give up smoking pot. Should have been an easy answer, right? Not for a bozo. After a good amount of hemming and hawing, our bozo finally admitted it would be a challenge, since he really liked smoking weed. And finally, he presented a counter offer. Could he just have one more joint? Bad idea! He’s busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from the Hearts on Fire division of the International File in Southern Italy. A 60-year-old man and 40-year-old woman had been thinking for a long time how much fun it would be to have sex outdoors. Being mindful of their neighbors, and not wanting to offend, they decided to pick a time when they thought no one would be watching. No, they didn’t select the middle of the night. Instead they chose to make whoopee during the World Cup quarter finals soccer match between Italy and Germany, which was being broadcast on TV at the time. Guess everyone wasn’t inside watching the game as someone called the cops and they were arrested for obscene acts in public.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk “Sharkey” for sending in today’s report from Plains Township, Pennsylvania. Police were called to a report of a vehicle that struck a stop sign and several concrete barriers. They found an unoccupied Chevy and an eyewitness that said the driver fled the car after the crash and was carrying a box of pizza. And, sure enough, on the ground was the incriminating evidence…several pieces of pepperoni. The cops then spotted our bozo in a residential yard up the street, munching on a piece of pizza. Busted! He’s been charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Connecticut, where bozo Keith Harvey saw a man get out of a car and leave the engine running. The temptation was too much to resist and he jumped in and sped away. Once inside, he discovered this was not just any vehicle he had stolen. It was a Chinese food delivery car. So, seeing the opportunity to make a little extra cash, he decided to drive to the next stop, where he gave the customer his food and collected the cash. Thinking this was working pretty well, he decided to deliver the other meal that was in the car. And that was his big mistake. The cops had been tipped off that our bozo was making deliveries and were waiting for him when he arrived. He’s under arrest.

Our bozo for today from the International File in Tyumen, Russia is also a member in good standing of the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. It seems our unidentified bozo had gotten into a fight with his girlfriend and felt he needed to bring her a makeup gift. And of course, being a bozo, instead of purchasing a present for her, he stole one. It was his choice of gift that landed him in the Bozo Report. 1.5 tons of hay. Yep, he stole a ton and a half of hay from a neighbor’s field, loaded it into his truck and took it to her house to ask for forgiveness. We don’t know if the lovebirds made up, but we do know he’s under arrest for theft.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lacey, Washington, where bozo Cheryl Cooper took off all her clothes and casually strolled into a Big Lots store. After taking a look around, she picked up a coat and headed for the exit. Guess she didn’t realize that a naked woman walking around in a store would attract just a bit of attention. Store employees gave chase and she was arrested by the cops in the parking lot. She’s been charged with attempted theft and indecent exposure.

Our bozo for today comes from the Internal Affairs department in New Athens, Missouri. Officers seized an iPad as evidence after a burglary and the device was placed into the evidence room for safe keeping. Obviously the room wasn’t very “safe” as the iPad soon vanished, only to return after going missing for more than a month. Guess whoever “borrowed” the iPad didn’t realize its memory and tracking history would help to finger the suspect, who turned out to be none other than the police chief himself. Busted! He’s been charged with theft.