Monthly Archives: July 2026

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Schenato for sending us today’s story about a dine and dash incident in Florida. You know the routine, enter a restaurant, order your meal and walk out without paying. Simple enough, except when you factor a bozo into the equation. Apparently, the restaurant was rather busy and there was a waiting list. The maitre’d asked for a phone number so he could text them when their table was ready. Guess they forgot about that when it came time to walk the check. Oops! Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Memphis, Tennessee, where bozo Darnell “Lil Peanut” Parker walked into the local Dollar General Store with the intent of robbing the place. However, things did not go exactly as planned. That black ski mask he was wearing? He had purchased it from the same Dollar General earlier in the day using his rewards card. Strike one. His weapon which he held under his hoodie turned out to be his finger. Strike two. And the woman behind the register? She’d known him since he was eight years old and wasn’t having any of his bull. She climbed over the register and threw him to the ground. Strike three. A couple of other DG employees then joined in and our bozo was held captive in the laundry detergent aisle until the cops arrived.

We have for you today another example of a group of bozos Foiled By Modern Technology. You are perhaps familiar with the Waymo robotaxi, a driverless vehicle that is monitored by remote operators. Such a vehicle in San Mateo, California picked up a group of rowdy teenagers who were allegedly drinking alcohol and shooting waterbeads, similar to paintballs, from toy guns out the car’s windows. Their night of fun quickly ended when the robotaxi’s remote operators took note of what was going on. They arranged a meeting point with the cops, told the teens the car was having “mechanical issues”, and that the car would be pulling over into a parking lot. The cops took the joy riders into custody and the DA is reviewing possible charges.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brevard County, Florida, where the cops noticed bozo Rachael Clary driving erratically. They pulled her over and she initally refused to exit her vehicle, which, according to police, smelled of “burnt marijuana.” When police forcefully removed her from the car, she proceeded to attempt to walk away. Not the best idea. She was charged with resisting arrest and taken to a local jail. While conducting a routine X-ray during the intake process, an anomaly was noticed in her “lower region.” She was brought into an exam room and was seen “trying to cover her buttocks with her hand”. That ploy didn’t work as a baggie containing 3.8 grams of cocaine fell from her butt to her feet. It was at that exact moment that she offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week, denying any knowledge of the drug and saying that it “must have been placed there” during an intimate encounter. Sorry, that excuse won’t fly. Busted! Charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony.