Monthly Archives: June 2026

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wildwood, Florida, where bozo ex-con Roy Miller walked into the local Subway and ordered a sandwich. Upon being served said sandwich our bozo examined it and found that the level of freshness in the bread did not come up to his specifications. This led to a brief argument with the Subway sandwich maker which quickly ended when our bozo slapped him across the face. The cops were called and he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Day that the Subway employee had intentionally given him “old stale bread.” Busted! Charged with misdemeanor battery. Fined $860. Ordered to do 20 hours of community service and attend an anger management course. And given a lifetime ban from Subways in Sumter County.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Maricopa, Arizona, where bozo Janice Martin was pulled over by the cops after being clocked doing 108 MPH in a 65 MPH zone. Must have been some kind of family emergency, right? Nope. Maybe the driver was having a medical issue? Nah. Perhaps she was hurrying home to catch the latest episode of Love Island? Yep, that’s the Bozo Excuse of the Week she offered up to the officers. While Love Island is a highly entertaining show, that in itself is not a legitimate excuse for speeding. Her car was impounded and she was booked into jail on reckless driving and exceeding the speed limit by more than 20 MPH. No word on whether she got to catch the end of the show from jail.

Our bozo story for today comes from Palm Harbor, Florida, where the local chiropractic clinic has a history of putting clever phrases on its marquee sign. Such as, “We never crack under pressure” or “We don’t stop until everyone is cracked up.” It seems everyone got the joke until they posted one that said “Licensed crack dealer.” This was apparently just too much for our literal minded bozo who took it onto himself to use landscape bricks to destroy the sign of the local “crack” dealer. No explanation from the cops as to why our bozo thought a local chiropractic clinic might actually be in the drug business. Busted! And charged with felony criminal mischief.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida. Bozo Anna Mason was working at a rec center when she complimented a co-worker on her insulated Stanley Cup, saying, “That would be great to hold my breast milk.” When the cup showed up missing shortly thereafter, surveillance footage showed our bozo hiding the cup in her lunch box. Busted! Charged with Stanley Cup theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Pierce County, Washington. Bozo Duane Perry led the cops on a high speed chase in a stolen Corvette before one of the officers, using a PIT maneuver, caused the vehicle to become stuck in an embankment. The car was impounded and our bozo arrested at the scene. End of story, right? Nope. This guy just had a thing for this Corvette. A few weeks later deputies answered a call at the towing service. Gates had been cut overnight and the Corvette in question had been stolen from the lot. Using cellphone data, police were able to determine that out bozo was at or near the lot the night the car was stolen and that he was near where the police recovered the car after it had been abandoned. Busted! Charged with burglary and motor vehicle theft.