Monthly Archives: May 2026

Bozo criminal for today comes from Traverse City, Michigan, where bozo Moncia Monroe had been banned from the local CVS for allegedly shoplifting a bottle of wine which she consumed in the store’s restroom. A few days later she showed up at the store again and the police were called. She was placed under arrest, handcuffed and placed in the squad car. Here we should note that she got into the back seat of the vehicle with “considerable difficulty.” She was then booked into the county jail and during a “final check of the suspect’s person” a female officer noticed that she had “concealed a 750 ml bottle of Cupcake Vinyards Pinot Grigio inside her person.” Huh? Upon removal from her lady parts, the wine was uncorked and destroyed, due to biohazard concerns. She remains jailed on a prison contraband felony charge and misdemeanor trespassing charges.

One recurring theme throughout the files of the Bozo Criminal Report is nudity. It seems many bozos show a proclivity for committing their crimes buck naked. Such was the case in today’s report, sent in by Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero. Residents of a posh neighborhood in Centreville, Virginia, had been complaining about a series of break-ins in which the would-be thief was wearing only a pair of shoes and a mask fashioned out of a piece of blue cloth. Officers quickly sprang into action and set up a stake-out in a neighborhood frequented by out bozo. Sure enough, he showed up in his birthday suit just before dawn. A high-tech chase ensued with police tracking him through the area with the help of a drone. He was placed under arrest after jumping a fence and attempting to hide in a nearby residence. Busted! And charged with multiple accounts of burglary, attempted burglary and indecent exposure.

In the history of the Bozo Report, there are a few time honored Bozo Escape Routes that belong in the hall of fame for their sheer futility. And at the top of that list is the ol’ Climb Through the Attic Getaway. Our story for today contains yet another example. Police in Brownsville, Tennessee were executing a warrant at a residence in connection with a hit and run accident. Initial investigation failed to turn up anything and the K-9 team was brought in. The dogs quickly alerted the officers to the attic area of the house and then…Boom. Our bozo comes crashing down through the ceiling. After it was determined he was not seriously injured, he was dusted off and taken to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Singapore. Two things you should know about Singapore. One, they take law enforcement very seriously, as was evidenced a few years ago when an American received a caning after he was convicted of spraying cars with spray paint. Two, orange juice is very popular in Singapore, so popular, in fact, that they have sidewalk vending machines called Ijooz that dispense the fresh juice. And for your convenience these machines also have a rack of free straws to use in drinking your beverage. Now, this brings us to our bozo French teenager and wannabe influencer who decided to take a video of himself removing a straw from the dispenser, licking it, and placing it back in the dispenser. No big deal, right? Wrong. Remember this is Singapore. After the video went viral, the cops sprang into action, tracking down and arresting our bozo. Busted! Charged with public nuisance, punishable for up to three months in prison and a $2000 fine. The second charge is even worse, “mischief”, with a jail term of up to two years and a fine, or both. All for licking a straw. He is currently awaiting sentencing.