Bozo criminal for today comes from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where police were called to a report of a disturbance in a retail strip parking lot. Upon arrival, the cops encountered our agitated bozo, weapon in hand, threatening two people inside a parked vehicle. Looking inside, the cops observed one female, covered in rice, and rice strewn throughout the vehicle. Did we fail to mention the weapon our bozo was holding was a takeout container of fried rice from a nearby Chinese restaurant? Yep, assault with fried rice. No word on the cause of the disturbance. Rice-man was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery.