1 18, 1997

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Today’s Bozo’s come from the Bozo court docket. These two Bozo’s are already in jail and are causing more trouble for us all by filing frivolous law suits. Bozo number one from Albany, New York is seeking 989 "billion trillion" dollars from the state of New York because prison guards beat up his jacket. The silliness of his lawsuit is topped by another Bozo from New York who is suing the state for ten million dollars because faulty medical care received while in jail caused amnesia that made him leave his work release job and "forget" to return to prison.

1 15, 1997

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The Bozo criminal this morning comes from Philadelphia, Mississippi. Bozo criminal Aaron Daniels attempted to break into a restaurant by crawling down a ventilation shaft from the roof of the building. Aaron began wiggling into the vent shaft and got about halfway down before he became lodged therein. Maybe he’d put on a little weight over the holidays, but for whatever reason he was stuck tight. The following morning, the police were called to answer his screams for help, and found the Bozo stuck, very cold and very embarrassed.

1 14, 1997

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The Bozo criminal this morning comes from Denver, Colorado. Our Bozo walks into a self serve convenience store/gas station and demands money, which the attendant hands over without a fuss. The Bozo then hurries out the door to his getaway car. As he opens the door to get in, his dog, who had been waiting in the car, jumps out and begins looking for the nearest fireplug. After several attempts to coax the dog back into the car, the bozo speeds away leaving the dog behind. Within moments, the police arrive and find the dog perfectly content to let them scratch his ears and read his dog tag, which contained the name, address and phone number of our soon to be captured bozo criminal.

1 13, 1997

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Our bozo criminal this morning comes from the International File. This particular Bozo resides in Tokyo, Japan where the horn of the rhinoceros is quite valuable on the black market. The horn is considered to be an aphrodisiac and a single horn can become a gold mine when ground up to a powder and sold in small packets. Bozo got the idea to break into a museum where there is a stuffed rhino on exhibit, steal the horn and sell it for a load of cash. He got away with it, too! Only one problem…the bozo failed to read the big sign in front of the rhino exhibit… The sign informing everyone that the valuable rhino horn had been replaced by a fake plastic one.

2 29, 1998

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BBozo News Hawk award to Paul Harvey who unearthed this gem. From Orlando, Florida comes the story of a couple of bozos who thought they had the perfect hiding place for their stash of cocaine–in the air conditioning system of their car. Their plan was working perfectly until they were pulled over by the cops. As they were being questioned, one of the bozos started to sweat and he instinctively turned on the air conditioning. This caused the fan blade to slice open the bag of cocaine, showering both bozos and the cop with the white stuff.