Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Linville, Louisiana. Cops were called to a report of a naked woman standing in the driveway of a residence. By the time they arrived our 41-year-old bozo had decided to go skinny dipping in a nearby pond. She refused several requests to exit the pond, saying she was “trying to be a mermaid.” After a while, the cold temperatures got to her and she was given a blanket and invited to step into a nearby residence to warm up. That’s when the fun really began. She charged the deputy, who tased her to no effect. Using her super mermaid strength she put up quite a fight before finally being restrained. On the way to be checked out she threatened to kill the deputies and the paramedics. Ariel won’t be going swimming again anytime soon. She’s been charged with three counts of resisting an officer with force or violence, two counts of public intimidation, two counts of battery of a police officer, disturbing the peace/drunkenness, and criminal trespassing.