Monthly Archives: October 2026

Our father and son bozo team from Mesa, Arizona made several mistakes while attempting to steal some jewelry from the Mesa Arts Center. First, our bozo took his 10-year-old son along on the heist. Strike one. Second, after breaking through a locked door and grabbing about $7000 worth of jewelry, he allowed his son to sign his name on the visitors log. Strike two. Third, there’s the matter of that stainless steel drinking cup they left behind. Instead of just letting it go, our bozos returned the next day to retrieve it. Employees recognized them from security camera footage. Strike three! And you’re out, charged with three counts each of burglary in the third degree and theft, as well as one count of criminal damage and one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Our hungry bozo criminal for today comes from Douglasville, Georgia where bozo Abdul Faraz was enjoying a tasty meal at the local Red Lobster. Suddenly it dawned on him he didn’t have the cash to cover the $63 bill. So, he did what any bozo would do. He called 911 to report a medical emergency. When emergency personnel arrived, instead of pretending to be ill, he gave the appearance of being perfectly fine. Bad idea. Red Lobster employees told the 911 crew that he was refusing to pay for his meal. The cops were called and our bozo, still seated at his table, was placed under arrest, charged with theft of services, unlawful conduct during a 911 call, and making a false report.

A first for today in the Bozo Criminal Report. The first known arrest for driving a couch. Yep, a couch. Police in Charlotte, North Carolina, were called to a report of an unauthorized vehicle driving down Tyron Street. Further investigation determined the “vehicle” was actually a love seat carefully placed on top of two Lime electric scooters. The awkward setup required a bozo on either side of the comfy chair to steer it. No report on what charges were filed but the love seat is now in the impound lot.

We all know there are many reasons for buckling up when driving, but today’s report provides a new one. It can keep you from the humiliation of landing on the Bozo Criminal Report. Today’s story comes from Flint, Michigan, where the cops spotted our bozo driving without his seat belt around 2:30 am. A routine check turned up a polymer handgun hidden under the front street. It had no serial number and was equipped with an extended magazine and a device that allowed it to fire fully automatically. Busted! And you’ve got a lot more to worry about than a seatbelt violation, pal. Those are felony firearms violations you’re facing.