Monthly Archives: August 2005

Bozo criminal for today comes from Burleson, Texas where bozo James Harper went into the local Albertsons with the intention of shoplifting a few items, a bad idea in itself. He further added to his problems by wearing a Fort Worth Police officer’s shirt. And, in a case of truly rotten luck, who should happen to be shopping in that Albertsons but Fort Worth Police Chief Ralph Mendoza. Mendoza didn’t recognize our bozo as one of his officers and was a little suspicious. But, before he could approach him, store clerks asked for his help, claiming our bozo had just shoplifted some baby formula. He’s under arrest, not just for shoplifting, but also for impersonating a police officer.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report. From Mansfield, Ohio, comes the story of bozo Michael Barnett who was clocked doing 106 MPH on Interstate 71. The officer gave chase but lost our bozo when he turned off his headlights and exited the highway. He then pulled into a private driveway to wait until he thought the coast was clear. This might have been a good idea except for one thing. The driveway he pulled into belonged to another police officer who came outside to ask him what he was doing there. In another brilliant move, our bozo admitted he was hiding from a state trooper. Shouldn’t have said that. The officer held him at gunpoint until the police arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Steve Silverwood for sending in today’s report. From Toledo, Ohio comes the story of bozo Andrew Jones who couldn’t have picked a worse coffee shop to rob if he’d tried. Guess when our bozo walked into the place he didn’t notice that the local FBI headquarters were located in the same building. And he tried to hold up the cashier early in the morning, when the place was really busy. One of the customers at the time just happened to be the head of the Toledo FBI office, stopping in on his way to work. He’s under arrest.