Bozo criminal for today comes from Price Hill, Ohio, where bozo Joshua Nolan broke into a residence and stole a 42-inch flat screen TV. He made a couple of mistakes. Number one, he pulled the heist in broad daylight. Number two, his getaway vehicle was his bicycle. Number three, a neighborhood watch member used her cell phone to snap a picture of our bozo pedaling away, with one hand on the handlebars and the other balancing the TV on his bike. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Prescott, Arizona, where bozo Paul Cates hopped into a cab and, after arriving at his destination, told the driver he couldn’t pay the $32 fare. When the driver said he was going to call the police, our bozo then pulled a knife and threatened the cabbie. When the cabbie offered to take him to a bank to make a withdrawal, our bozo agreed and put away the knife. On the way to the bank, he changed his mind again and suggested that the driver just take him to jail instead, which the cabbie did. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from St. Louis, Missouri. Bozo Cheryl Higgs tried to walk out of a grocery store with $1200 in shoplifted merchandise but her exit was thwarted when she tried to leave through the "in" side of an automatic door. When the door wouldn’t budge, she pitched such a fit that customers and security personnel immediately realized something was amiss. She’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today goes a long way toward proving that bozo-ism may be hereditary. From Port Huron, Michigan, comes the story of bozo Matthew Clark who broke into a gas station, stole a pack of cigarettes and a six-pack of beer. He sat down and enjoyed the smokes and beer before calling 911 to turn himself in. And the reason he gave the cops? He told them his brother was in jail and he wanted to go and see him. He did go to jail, but wasn’t allowed to visit his brother.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reece for sending in today’s report. From Orlando, Florida, comes the story of bozo Tom Maloney who got into a dispute with his next door neighbor. We’re not sure what the argument was about but it got serious enough that our bozo put together a homemade Molotov cocktail and threw it at his neighbor’s trailer. Unfortunately, the wind shifted and three of our bozo’s own cars and his travel trailer were severely damaged in the ensuing blaze. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Bozo Shawn Moore flashed a gun at a man in a convention center restroom and demanded that he hand over his cash. The man gave him his money and cell phone, but our bozo was apprehended almost as soon as he ran out of the men’s room. You see, the convention center was hosting a gathering of over 300 narcotics officers from across the state. Needless to say, he’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Kenny Perkey for sending in today’s report from Sacramento, California, where there had been a rash of broken windows reported in recent weeks, costing local businesses thousands of dollars to replace. Cops had no leads until surveillance cameras caught a white van near the scene of several of the crimes. And when the cops pulled over Bozo Arthur Cooke, they found a slingshot and a bunch of ball bearings inside the van. He had apparently been using a slingshot to shoot out the windows as he drove by. But what qualifies him as a true bozo is his profession. He owns a glass and mirror shop and was just drumming up a little business for himself. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today from Indian River County, Florida, made it really easy for the cops. He walked into a liquor store, picked up a bottle of vodka and told the clerk he wasn’t paying for it. As he was walking out, he told her he would be drinking it around the back of the store and if she wanted to call the cops, that’s where they’d find him. She did. They did…find him. They also arrested him.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa, where bozo David Welch walked into a Domino’s Pizza, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded money. He got away with $117 but was followed by two Domino’s managers who confronted him a short distance down the street and demanded he return the money. He told them he only needed $20 and gave them the rest back. He should have returned it all. $20 is still theft. The cops arrested him a few minutes later at his nearby apartment.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Springfield, Missouri. Most people know that when the traffic department places road cones across a roadway it means you should not enter. Apparently this fact was lost on bozo Jane Thomas who drove around the road cones and onto a closed exit ramp. She didn’t drive very far, however. The ramp was closed because fresh concrete had been poured on the road surface. A tow truck had to pull the stuck car out. Our "hardened" criminal has been arrested.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Richard Boyle for sending in today’s report. From Chicago, Illinois, comes the story of bozo James Teel who would lure cash-laden victims by placing ads on Craig’s List for expensive cars and other items. When they showed up to view the items, he would rob them, taking cash, jewelry and expensive clothes. His plan might have worked except that he would then turn around and post pictures of himself wearing the stolen items on his My Space page. One of the victims spotted him there and he was quickly placed under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from El Cerrito, California, where bozo Anthony Carlson visited the Department of Motor Vehicles office to register his car. Which would have been OK except for one little thing. The car he wanted to register was one he had recently stolen. Oops. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Poplar Bluff, Missouri. Bozo Shannon Davis was in jail on burglary charges and since she didn’t have money for bail, she hatched our Bozo Scheme of the Week. She called her sister on the jailhouse phone and, ignoring the signs all around that said phone calls were monitored and recorded, came up with a plan to have her sister burglarize the store where she worked. The cops were in on the plan from the beginning and placed our bozo’s sister under arrest when she showed up to pay her bail with a fistful of stolen cash. They now have adjoining cells.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Portsmouth, England. We’re not sure, but it looks like allergies could be as big a problem in England this time of the year as they are around here…and that’s just what got our bozo arrested. Bozo Timothy McCain broke into a residence and got away with a television set and a jacket. He made a clean getaway except for one thing, a used handkerchief that he left at the scene. Cops were able to extract DNA from the hanky, which matched to our bozo, who already had several priors for burglary. He’s busted.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Biddeford, Maine, where bozo Mary Green went into a convenience store and threatened to blow her own head off if the clerk didn’t empty the register. He gave her several hundred dollars and then watched her walk across the street to a pizza restaurant, where she ordered herself a pepperoni pizza and calmly sat down to wait for her order. She was still waiting when the cops arrived.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Burlington, Vermont, where bozo Marcel French wanted a trophy deer really bad. So bad that he used epoxy glue and lag bolts to attach a 10-point rack to an antlerless deer. Guess he must not have tightened those lag bolts down enough. The game warden was tipped off and said, in addition to looking out of place on a small deer, the antlers wiggled like a loose tooth when you grabbed them. Oops. He’s been fined and jailed for game violations.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Seattle, Washington, comes the story of bozo James Green who was clocked by the cops doing 110 MPH on Interstate 90. It was when the cops asked him why he was in such a hurry that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told them that he was trying to get home before bidding closed on an e-Bay auction item that he wanted. Wonder if it was a radar detector? Anyway, the cops didn’t buy his excuse. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, where Bozo Kristopher Lane broke into the local tavern and stole four cases of beer. Police were able to track him down because he left one vital piece of evidence at the scene. Something that, if he had only used it, might have kept him from heading down the road to a life of crime. Police used the information on the library card that our bozo dropped to track him down and place him under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where bozo Thomas Baxter broke into a liquor store by climbing in through a hole in the roof. Unfortunately, he didn’t have an exit strategy. He couldn’t climb back up to the roof and burglar bars on the doors and windows kept him from getting out that way. So, he made himself at home until the police arrived. They found him with a bottle of gin in his hand and his pockets stuffed with playing cards and cigarette lighters. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida, where police pulled over Bozo Ryan Smith after receiving a tip that he was hauling marijuana in his pickup truck. Upon inspection, the cops discovered that he was indeed transporting 17 pot plants. It was then that Ryan offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that burglars had been active in his neighborhood and he was moving the plants to another location for safekeeping. The cops weren’t sympathetic. He’s busted!