Bozo criminal for today comes from Ormond Beach, Florida, where cops were called to a report of a stolen BMW. Putting things together, it seems the owner left the Beamer unattended while walking his dog. Our bozo spotted it and, finding the keys left behind in a cupholder, absconded with the vehicle. The BMW was too much car for him and after a quick drive at speeds over 100 MPH he crashed the car in a one vehicle accident. Suffering only minor injuries, our bozo was in a chatty mood when the cops arrived. He first thanked the officers and passersby for “saving him from aliens.” He then went on to explain that he hadn’t stolen the car but had instead been teleported into it. While he gets extra points for a creative excuse, he’s still busted! And charged with grand theft auto, a felony, and driving on a license that was suspended in 2019.