Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Birmingham, England, where bozo Clint Barker was on the run from the cops after making a daring escape from prison. His trail had gone cold when cops in Birmingham city center noticed a couple of guys immediately change direction when they saw the police. The cops gave chase and when they caught up with the two, they asked what they were doing out when there were Covid-19 restrictions. That’s when our bozo replied that he just had to get out and pick up the new Call of Duty game. He then kicked the cop in the groin and attempted to flee but was quickly apprehended. Busted and identified as an escaped con. He’s been jailed for 13 months for absconding from prison, and six months consecutively for assaulting the officers – on top of his original sentence, which would have seen him behind bars until 2024.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenwood, South Carolina, where the cops were called to a report of shots fired at an assisted living center. Upon arrival, they found no one injured but there was a fire inside one of the residential units. The resident was found inside, passed out due to smoke inhalation. He was taken to a hospital, treated and released. Now to put together exactly what happened. Apparently our bozo had some ammunition which he decided to store inside his toaster oven. It would seem that the oven was turned on, the ammunition went off and caused the fire. No charges were filed and the resident was told to find a more secure place to store his ammo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Corbin, Kentucky, where the cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Upon arrival, bozo Crystal Harper told the cops that her cousin had come over to her house, an argument ensued and she stabbed him with a kitchen knife. And the reason for his visit to her house? It seems she had borrowed a sex toy from him and he wanted it back. Yeah, doesn’t everyone want a slightly used sex toy? She’s been charged with felony assault, as well as menacing, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest. No word on who was awarded custody of the sex toy.

With the holidays behind us, we now have a couple of bozos who found themselves all dressed up with no place to go. From Alabama comes bozo number one, a six foot three man in an elf suit who was arrested on Christmas Eve and charged with assault. Not sure if he was the Elf from A Christmas Story, but it’s definitely a possibility. And on Christmas Day, bozo number two, a man in a Santa Claus suit who was busted for drunk driving. HO HO HO indeed.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wilmington, Delaware, where bozo Robert Ware walked into a bank and presented the teller with note saying, “This is a robbery. I need $150.” The employee complied with his request and he headed out the front door. Pretty standard robbery so far, but then it got weird. Instead of fleeing, our bozo stopped at the ATM in front of the building and deposited the loot into his account. He then headed on foot to a nearby shopping center where he was promptly arrested. Oh, and then he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops his mind was currently being controlled by a third party via an implant somewhere in his body. Well, OK then. He’s under arrest on a felony robbery account.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clearwater, Florida, where bozo Patrick Fleming was pulled over at 4 AM for driving without headlights or tail lights. He was placed under arrest for DUI and marijuana possession charges. Strike one. A search of the vehicle turned up a handgun under the seat. And since he had several felony charges against him previously, it was illegal for him to carry a gun. Strike two, felony weapons charges. A search of his person followed and that’s when things really get interesting. They found two plastic baggies, one with cocaine powder and cocaine base, and one with crystal methamphetamine, wrapped around his penis. Strike three. And he further added to his problems by telling the cops that the drugs wrapped around his penis did not belong to him. Well, we don’t think Santa placed it there! Busted! Charged with possession of cocaine, meth, ammunition, and a firearm.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Marathon, Florida, where an officer noticed our bozo weaving in and out of traffic without using his turn signal. He was pulled over and a K-9 officer alerted to drugs in the vehicle. A quick search found 6.1 ounces of cocaine under the hood and $3000 in cash in the car. Busted! He’s currently being held without bond on a felony charge of cocaine trafficking.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Seminole, Florida, where the cops were called to a disturbance at the Irish 31 bar. The owner reported that a sink in the restroom had been broken. Some expert detective work quickly revealed the situation. Bozo Kathy Anderson and her friend were found drinking at the bar. After questioning, our bozo admitted that she and her male companion had met in the bathroom for what she termed an “intimate encounter” and during said encounter the sink had been broken off the wall. Oops. We can only assume they thought it was no big deal as they returned to the bar and continued drinking. The cops ended their little celebration. She was charged with criminal mischief and was released from county jail on her own recognizance. Her friend apparently escaped being charged.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Syracuse, New York, where authorities were called to the Landmark Theatre after employees reported hearing a man banging on a wall and yelling for help. Firefighters drilled a hole in the wall of the theatre’s bathroom and used a fiber optic camera to determine our bozo’s exact location. They cut through several layers of drywall and structural clay tile to get to him. They then removed our bozo, who was naked and dehydrated. The man, who reportedly had been in the wall space for two or three days was taken to a local hospital for treatment. Among the questions that are still unanswered, how exactly did he get into the wall? And what happened to his clothes? Updates when we have them.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randall Shimoda for sending in this gem from the International file in Cajeme, Sonora, Mexico. Neighbors called the cops to report a domestic disturbance. When the police arrived, they found our bozo, known only as Leonora R holding a knife that she had used to attack her husband. The husband was not seriously injured and was able to explain to the cops what had transpired. He said his jealous wife had been going through his phone and found a picture of him in a compromising position with a younger woman. She flew into a rage and attacked him with the knife before he could explain. That picture was of him, from several years ago. And the woman…it was none other than our bozo, from, as her husband said, “back when she used to take care of herself.” Yep, she didn’t recognize herself. She faces assault charges.

Details are still coming in on this Bozo story from Atlanta, Georgia, but we couldn’t hold off any longer. Apparently a flight from Syracuse to Atlanta over the Thanksgiving holiday was delayed because a woman was breastfeeding a cat. You read that right. According to our sources, the woman in seat 13A was “swaddling the cat in a blanket, trying to get it to latch” and refused to put it back into its carrier when requested by the flight attendant. No word on any charges that may have been filed or the status of the cat.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Michigan where bozo Wendy Watson wanted her ex-husband gone. And we don’t mean she wanted him to vacate the premises, she really wanted him “gone.” So, what do you do in such a situation if you don’t want to do the deed yourself? You look for someone on the internet who can perhaps help you. She thought she had hit the jackpot when she stumbled upon rentahitman.com. The site, which promised privacy and said it complied with HIPPA, which it said was “the Hitman Information Privacy & Protection Act of 1964,” would provide her with someone to do away with her ex in exchange for a down payment of $200 and $5000 when the job was done. She agreed. One problem rentahitman.com is a fake website, founded by a man who forwards any serious inquiries to the cops. When an officer showed up to take the down payment, she was placed under arrest and charged with solicitation of murder and using a computer to commit a crime.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Billy Majors for sending in today’s report from Pottsville, Arkansas. It seems our bozo was involved in an incident where he was fleeing from the cops on a motorcycle he had allegedly stolen. He jumped off the motorcycle and ran across Interstate 40 into a wooded area where he was able to avoid arrest. End of story, right? Wrong. Our bozo was so proud of himself that he posted details of his exploits on his Facebook page and even took a picture of a T-shirt he had made up showing the stolen motorcycle and a police flyer asking for help in finding the “criminal mastermind” who had escaped capture. Long story short, he was wanted on charges related to another incident and that investigation led to his Facebook page and the recovery of the helmet he was wearing during the chase. Busted! He’s in jail on charges of theft and fleeing arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where three former inmates have filed civil rights violations charges against two former jailers, alleging “torture events.” So what exactly did these jailers do? Beat the inmates? Nope? Deprive them of food? No way. Force them to listen to “Baby Shark” on a loop over and over? Yep. They allege mental and physical abuse and if you are familiar with the song, it’s hard to disagree. A jury trial is set for February.

Our bozo for today comes from the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished file. It seems our bozo, who lives in Hayes Township, Michigan, lost track of his girlfriend, so he called in a well-being check to the cops. When the officers arrived, the woman was nowhere to be found. They were questioning her father when who should show up but out bozo. Further interrogation revealed he had a felony warrant for his arrest. And to complicate things, he was in possession of methamphetamine. Busted! No word on whether his girlfriend ever turned up.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Police were called to a report of a break and enter at a residence. When they arrived, there was a strong smell of gas in the area. Upon entering, they found our two bozos inside, overcome by the gas fumes. It quickly became obvious what was going on. They were trying to steal the natural gas furnace when the gas feed became dislodged and caused the leak. Fortunately for our bozos they were revived by EMTs after they were removed from the house. The cops must have been in the Christmas spirit a little early, as our bozos were released without being charged.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chelewah, Washington, where our bozo, wearing a bright yellow dress, was reported to have stolen a school bus. Deputies spotted the bus when it ran a red light and gave chase. However, when he refused to stop, they had to give up the chase due to a new state law that only allows law enforcement to pursue a fleeing vehicle if there is probable cause that a felony occurred. (Obviously some bozos making laws in Washington, but that’s another story for another time) County deputies tried to stop the bus but quickly had to give up the chase for the same reason. Later, deputies received a report of our bozo, still wearing the yellow dress, being taken into custody after using a front end loader to destroy his estranged wife’s home. Busted! Finally! Charged with theft of a motor vehicle, possession of a stolen vehicle, first-degree malicious mischief/domestic violence and attempting to elude a police vehicle.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Melbourne, Australia, where bozo Tony White wanted his cat back. Really, really wanted his cat back. After discovering the cat was at a local shelter, our bozo donned full combat gear, armed himself with a fake assault weapon and stormed into the facility. He then tied up the person at the front desk and questioned her about the whereabouts of the cat. Not sure why, but he left the facility without retrieving the cat only to return the next day. This time they were ready. The cops were called and our bozo, who reportedly suffers from PTSD, was charged with false imprisonment, aggravated burglary, criminal damage, perjury, common law assault and carrying an imitation weapon. No word on the status of the kitty.

Another day, another domestic battery charge from Florida using foodstuffs. From Tampa Bay, Florida comes the story of bozo-ette Brandy Landers, 20, who got into an argument with her mother regarding the “cleanliness of the house.” One thing led to another, ending with Brandy hurling two tacos at her mother from the dining room. Mom called the cops and the officer reported that he found her sitting on the couch with “food debris” all over her and her shirt. Busted! Our bozo was charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail.

After thorough investigaton, Turkish police found no actual criminal activity involved here, but the bozo level is high enough to merit mention. From Cayakka, Turkey, comes the story of a man who was reported missing by his friends. Our bozo, who was in town for a construction project, went out for a night of drinking with his co-workers. The next morning his friends thought he had drunkenly wandered off into the woods and a search party was quickly organized. Meanwhile, our bozo, who had gone to a friends villa to sleep it off, awoke and noticed all the activity outside. The searchers told him they were looking for a missing man, and our bozo, being a good citizen, joined in the search. It was not until he heard other searchers calling his name that he realized “Oh, that’s me.” Police interviewed him and released him with no charges being filed.