Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fellsmere, Florida, where cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Upon arrival, they found a 44 year-old female covered in blood, with abrasions on her forehead, neck and arm. She was transported to a hospital for treatment while the cops sussed out what happened. Apparently our bozo, 27 year-old Amber Baxter, had propositioned the victim’s 59 year-old boyfriend for sex. When he declined, our bozo hurled a large glass ashtray at him. He ducked and, you guessed it, his girlfriend was collateral damage. Our lovesick bozo was arrested and charged with battery. Turns out she’s been a busy girl. She’s been arrested five times this year, on charges including theft, battery, trespass, aggravated assault, disorderly intoxication, burglary, criminal mischief, and drinking in public.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Corsham, England. A little background information, Corsham is an idyllic market town of only about 13,000 people. It’s a safe little place. At least it has been until lately when the town has been terrorized by a couple of bozos acting in tandem. One of the residents even went so far to describe our bozos as “bloody Mexican hooligans.” These two apparently roam the town at will, wreaking havoc wherever they go. After a German Shepherd K-9 officer was terrorized by these rampaging bozos the whole town basically went into lockdown. And as of this date, no progress has been made in making an arrest. Oh, did we forget to mention the “hooligans” that are causing so much trouble… are a couple of chihuahuas. Yep, the little guys are in control. The police chief says he hopes they can be captured soon and life can get back to normal.

Bozo criminals for today come from Naples, Florida, where the cops were called to a hotel where a wedding reception had taken place a short time earlier. They found our our groom with a bloody nose, busted lip and a swollen eye. His bride was found in the hotel’s Salon room, still in her bloody wedding dress, with blood on her face and chest. So what the heck happened? It appears shortly after exchanging vows, the loving couple got into an argument about her brother. The disagreement got heated quickly with the bride head-butting the groom, resulting in his busted nose and lip. Both were arrested and charged with domestic battery. The honeymoon will have to wait.

There are numerous things that having a pleasant, distinctive voice is good for…being on the radio, perhaps being a minister or even a doctor. Being a bozo criminal, not so much. Our story for today comes from Mount Pleasant, Michigan, where police were called to a report of a convenience store robbery. The clerk said she couldn’t see the man’s face but recognized his voice as a regular customer. She was even able to provide his name. K-9 officers were called in and were able to track the suspect to a nearby apartment…rented to…the same man the clerk had identified. Oops. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Aztek, New Mexico, where livestock inspectors (yes, they have livestock inspectors)were called to a report of a stolen horse. They noticed that the horse in question did not match the physical description of the allegedly stolen horse, pointing out that there was no distinctive white “sock” on his left rear leg. The owners accused the alleged thief of dying the horse to cover up the markings. At this point, the woman accused of stealing the horse became agitated, saying that the horse was afraid of water and would freak out if the inspectors tried to wash the dye job off. That ploy didn’t work. Inspectors scrubbed the back leg to reveal the missing sock. Busted! Charged with theft and forgery for putting together a fake bill of sale for the horse

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clearwater, Florida, where the cops were called to a report of a rogue pooper. Our bozo, 64 year-old Kenneth Carson, was caught on security cameras strolling up to his neighbor’s porch totally naked. He then proceeded to climb up onto a glass-topped table and do a big number two before returning to his nearby RV. Investigating officers found him inside the vehicle, still naked and “uncooperative.” He was booked on criminal mischief charges but remains jailed since he was facing other charges from a December arrest including drunk driving and illegal discharge of a firearm.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elsmere, Kentucky, where a week ago bozo Joseph Harris was a $250,000 winner on a Kentucky Lottery scratch off ticket. He said he was going to buy a new home and car with his winnings. But first…there was some celebrating to be done. Two days after claiming his prize, he was pulled over when a cop noticed his vehicle registration had expired. Inside the car the cops found methamphetamine and a pipe with drug residue on it. Busted! Guess that new house and car purchase may have to wait for a while.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Troy, Michigan, where the cops were called to a report of a vehicle that had hit a telephone pole. When the police arrived, they found blue car parts scattered around but no sign of the vehicle. Continuing their search, they found a car with extensive front end damage parked in a ditch with an empty beer can in the console and footprints leading to a nearby house. The plot thickens…After discovering the wrecked car was registered to the address of the residence, the cops decided to knock on the door. Our bozo answered, with bloodshot eyes and smelling of alcohol. Nope, he said, haven’t been out, been home all night. And is there anyone else at home? Nope. Can you explain the footprints leading from the car to your house? Well, let me get back to you on that. Busted! Charged with Operating While Intoxicated 3rd Offense, Driving While License Suspended, Leaving the Scene of an Accident and Failure to Report an Accident.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Henry County, Virginia, where officers were investigating a domestic assault case. Our bozo was placed under arrest and as he was being read his rights, he made a run for it, jumping a fence and running into a nearby field. And that’s when our animal helper sprang into action. A billy goat gave chase and followed the man into a nearby wooded area. Perhaps deciding he’d rather face the cops than the goat, our bozo reappeared and surrendered to the cops. He’s in custody and the goat has returned to doing what goats do.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Southfield, Michigan, where a patrol officer spotted a stolen vehicle and attempted to pull it over, only to have our bozo speed away. The cop used a PIT maneuver and forced the car to the side of the road. It was then that our bozo made a maneuver of his own. He jumped out and appeared to flee. However, when the officer gave chase, he U-turned and jumped into the still idling police cruiser and drove away. As you might expect, this didn’t end well. A second officer corralled our bozo and after he physically resisted arrest, he was eventually taken into custody. Charges are pending.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Monroe, Louisiana, where the cops were called to an apartment complex on a report of a man “pulling on car handles.” Upon arrival, they found our bozo going from car to car, apparently trying to find one that was unlocked. He was finally able to get into a 1994 Chevrolet truck and was immediately confronted by the police. He then offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He said he was “sleepwalking.” He was unable to explain how he had “sleepwalked” the three miles from his residence to the apartment complex. He’s busted! Charged with felony burglary.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Naples, Florida where the cops were called to a report of a rather unusual disturbance…a man claiming to be Mick Jagger. Apparently bozo Eugene Brown, 59, jumped on stage at a restaurant where a live performance was going on and declared himself to be the Rolling Stones lead singer. He became belligerent when the patrons didn’t appreciate his performance and had left by the time the cops arrived. They found him in a nearby park where he charged an officer before falling to the ground in a “drunk unstable state.” He capped off the evening by throwing up in the back of the police car. Busted! Charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, a felony, and disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randall Shimoda for sending in today’s report from Nashville, Tennessee. We can only try to follow our bozo’s thought process here. A. Make plans to break into houses in the neighborhood. B. Many of them have doorbell cameras, so a disguise is important. C. There’s a blue dinosaur suit that I’ve always liked the look of… And that’s about how it went. Our bozo was recorded on doorbell cam lumbering up to the front of the house in a blue dinosaur onesie that he failed to zip up all the way to the top, leaving a clear shot of his face. He’s seen waving at the camera before jiggling the door handle. After finding it locked, he’s seen walking away, his big blue tail wagging behind him. Police hope to make an arrest of Barney’s bad brother soon.

Bozo criminals for today from Auburn, Maine, violated Bozo Rule number 2223231: It’s never a good idea to bring counterfeit money to the police station. It seems our bozos headed down to the Androscoggin County Jail with plans to bail out a friend. When they presented the cash to jail officials it was obvious that it was counterfeit. Oops. This lead to a search of their vehicle, which turned up 112 grams of crack cocaine, 165 grams of cocaine, nearly 300 grams of fentanyl, 492 grams of meth and SCCY 9mm pistol. Double oopsies. Busted! Charged four counts of Aggravated Trafficking Schedule with drugs (Class A) and Violation of Conditional Release (Class E). And their friend? He’s still in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mankato, Minnesota, where bozo Brandon Carver was pulled over for a traffic violation. After the cops noticed him acting erratically, a search of his person uncovered a baggie of methamphetamine in the pocket of his sweatpants. Thinking quickly, he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops the pants he was wearing did not belong to him. Under extensive questioning, he revealed the alleged owner of the pants. A quick investigation determined the pants owner was “only 4 feet, 1 inch tall.” Our bozo is 5’11”. Don’t think so. Busted! Charged with possession of felony narcotics. And it wasn’t his first rodeo either. He’s previously been charged with fraud; burglary; receiving stolen property; disorderly conduct; assault; DWI; theft; narcotics possession; check forgery; domestic assault; and driving with a revoked license.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Vero Beach, Florida. Police responding to a report of a suspicious person found bozo Eric Adams on the street “visibly intoxicated on an unknown substance.” When asked to empty his pockets, our bozo pulled out a baggie containing a substance that was identified as fentanyl. He then pulled out another plastic baggie containing hypodermic needles. It was then that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops the used the hypodermic needles “for fishing.” OK…After failing to explain exactly how the needles could be used to catch a fish he was arrested on a felony narcotics charge and booked into jail.

Our bozo for today comes from the International File in Manotick, Ontario, Canada, where our bozo took advantage of the cold conditions to take her car for a spin on a frozen river. Several videos show her speeding on the frozen surface, sending plumes of snow and ice into the air. All good things must come to an end and so it was for our bozo. She finally hit a spot of thin ice and the car began to slowly sink into the cold water of the river. Now, most people would frantically try to get out of the car and onto dry land. But not our bozo. Instead she climbed onto the back of the car and took several selfies of herself as the vehicle slowly sank. She was eventually pulled to dry land by bystanders who threw her a flotation device. Not a happy outcome for her car, however. And her fun was diminished somewhat when the cops charged her with dangerous operation of a motor vehicle, a charge which could carry a license suspension if convicted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mount Pleasant, Michigan, where our unidentified bozo brandished a gun at the Right Way Auto dealership. He obtained the keys to a vehicle on the lot and fled the scene. Pretty smooth crime, right? Wrong. You see, our bozo drove his own car to the dealership and left it there when he fled in his new ride. Cops used license and registration information, along with a description from Right Way employees, to track down and arrest our bozo. And that weapon he used? It was a BB gun. He remains in custody in the Isabella County Jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Nashville, Tennessee, where bozo Robert Green broke into a residence, taking a TV, a gun and a Les Paul custom guitar. That’s what he got away with. It’s what he left behind that got him in trouble. Apparently he had a notebook that contained a list of other places he planned to target. And did we mention that he had borrowed that notebook from his daughter, who had written her address inside? Oops. He’s busted! Charged with felony burglary and theft charges.

Bozo criminals for today come from Clearwater, Florida, where 29-year old bozo Sarah Fleming and 27-year-old bozo Kaitlin O’Shea apparently had some kind of beef with a man who lived nearby. Police said just before 3 a.m. the two showed up at the man’s apartment and an argument ensued. And then things got weird. According to the victim, one of the women threw a container of glitter at him, hitting him in the head and upper body. Then one of our bozos jumped the patio fence and entered the apartment. She then unleashed another salvo of glitter, again hitting our sparkly victim. She went to the front door and let her accomplice inside. The two women then teamed up to unleash another barrage of glitter in the man’s direction before leaving the apartment complex and fleeing in their vehicle. Cops were called and were able to track the car to a nearby apartment complex where they found glitter inside the vehicle. They then spotted bozo Sarah walking around, with a significant amount of glitter on her person. She was placed under arrest along with her accomplice, charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, for allegedly kicking out the apartment window.